Pam,

Seeing the doctor and getting some lab work may give some in sight as to any physically issues DB may possibly be dealing along with the mental stress.

I think getting in touch with the lead person is a good idea. It will help him see DB in a different setting, especially the up and downs he is going through. Hopefully he may be able to give you some ideas on handling the situation as well as guidance.

Hang in there "dear lady"....

Gerry

Blood results are in, DB liver 100% - the best it can be! That's the good news, the not so good is he is still fighting a blood infection and his testosterone levels very low despite having fortnightly injections. Now he will have his Testosterone injections every 10 days and nothing they can offer for the blood. I think I will give him some VitB complex and zinc these next 3 weeks before he flies home. That is starting to weigh on him a bit, stressing over what he will pack / wear (makes me laugh) anyway he got Valium from the GP along with a letter stating what meds he is on so he is as prepared for being there as he can be. I will help him pack closer to the 16th. Not sure if seeing his psych before he goes

Pam,
Do the doctors have any idea why he continues dealing with this blood infection? Also wonder how much the Testosterone levels being low is causing the mood issues. I would think it might compare to our dealing with hormone imbalance.

It appears you might be little amused watching him choose "what to pack" for his trip. I really so hope the visit with his father will go well. Maybe even resolving some issues. DB really deserves credit for his decision to visit with him while he still can.


Gerry

Pamela, that is great about DB's liver !

I really hope that his blood infection gets better soon.

I can relate to your amusement about the packing thing. My approach, with help from my partner, is to look at what I want to pack and then halve it. This usually works...

Black Dog back again, deep funk descending. DB leaves in 7 nights, Xmas parties we were attending this weekend he has asked we cancel. Drink he says is weighing heavy on his mind. Says I call it Boo Ha drinking so he won't talk with me about it, his statement last night is I make a joke of how he is feeling about it all. God the last thing I find is it's funny and I would never trivialise his feelings and angst over it. In short, I think with the trip upon him he feels it's inevitable he will drink. I can only pray he doesn't on the journey over there, having been sober for a year coupled with in the air one will swiftly go to his head.

I am in a quandary and I don't know what to do so I'm asking for your advice. DB family are all big (huge) drinkers, they are well known in the village and all in their day have behaved badly, so much so they have a reputation some would say respect, some would say fear. They are / were all very handy with their fists. I've witnessed it myself, driving the car with the two brothers DB & bro in the back, it was summer with the windows down, some peanut trying to run me off of the road, they pulled up alongside me and saw the boys in the back of the car. I clearly heard them say #### it's the ***** boys and broke off leaving me well clear. Anyhow I digress, it's not a life DB has lived for 25 years but his family still have reputation and people are want to buy them drinks everywhere they go. DB family war cry is (I call it that) Ahh one won't hurt you. In DB case one will.

Do I write to his family and say, while none of us can prevent DB from drinking & nor should we hold ourselves responsible if he chooses to, can you refrain from encouraging him?

I can clearly hear in my head his Da saying "one won't hurt" along with the brother & the sister over the years. In the past I've been there and managed to head off incidents except for 2013 trying to make his way home from the pub took a short cut and slipped trying to cross over the low slate fence with iron railings hitting his temple. He lay in the snow for 5 hours before anyone found him, (they thought he was dead) ambulance took him to hospital and the blow to his temple was severe enough to warrant great concern along with hypothermia. Am I worried, you bet I am. Is he worried, yes I believe he is. I feel ill typing this, I wish I was going with him, I am so fearful something bad is going to happen.

So do I write to the family or not? Should I turn up and surprise him just b4 Xmas ? I feel so torn and anxious. DB says he is worried about me falling ill & going to hospital - who will look after the animals he keeps saying. I'm working hard on not falling ill. I'm drinking water (only) 2 days a week and carefully monitoring everything I eat the other 5. I'm in a real quandary ....

If you would ask me what to do - but this is from a total outsider - I would consider cancelling the trip. I know that sounds harsh and impractical, but in this state, going to that kind of environment (you describe it all too well...) could end badly, as you surely know.

I feel emboldened to make that recommendation as I just got news from my best friend that he is taking care of one of his life long friends, whom he needed to take to ECU a few days ago during detox. Turns out that friend has cirrhosis, enough said.

I don't write this to scare you, I write it because I know, for me, there is nothing more important in this world than to stay sober and thus to survive as long as possible. I check every decision I make against the possibility of getting in a bad situation, and take evasive action when needed.

Just a thought: maybe DB feels very uncomfortable too, plus, he is worried about your health. Sometimes, a lie is not a lie, and maybe he "needs to stay with you as you are doing poorly." You could always check if he is favorable to that kind of reasoning? Go next year, when he might feel less vulnerable?

Just throwing it out there, who knows it would be a relief for him too. Obviously, it has to be his decision, but maybe sitting down and considering the options could be a possibility?

Whatever you guys decide, I hope he gets through it in a good way.

Pamela, I think that Wide-O has offered you some wise thoughts to consider.

I, too, agree with Wide-O.

Pam,
DB's family does not sound like you would be able to approach them with asking them to be of assistance avoiding the drinking. There might be a chance that might even instigate the problem with them knowing you are trying to prevent his drinking.

I know it's getting a little late for cancelling; but maybe next year he might be stronger. Can you come up with some excuse that he is needed at home?


Gerry

Thank you to you all for your replies and much appreciated advice. We've had an open conversation this week about cancelling and or me accompanying him, DB very appreciative of your advice & he was wavering on cancelling. But all that's changed now with a Skype call last night from my brother in law, sadly the old man worsening seemingly almost overnight. His Parkinson's has progressed to the next stage and DB believes (as do I) this will definitely be the last Christmas. Dad is hanging on to the thought DB will be there by midnight Thursday and it seems it's the only thing keeping him going. The new medication is cruelling and his hallucinations so much worse. DB saw his psych on Saturday & she has given him her mobile & said he can call at any time if he is at risk. He has sensible plans & if he sticks with them he will succeed. Whatever happens it's a journey that needs to be taken sooner or later, if DB holds off to go next year & dad passes on the trip next year will be far harder. Thank you again for your support NT'rs I'm so grateful to this forum. Oh and I won't be writing the family, best to leave that stone in place!!