[thelonely1]

It was my birthday today. I knew that no one here could possibly know that, and in truth, I had no expectations that anyone outside my immediate family would even think of me. Yet somewhere in the back of my mind I diluted myself into thinking that maybe I was important to at least one other person. I let myself think that maybe, just maybe, they were going to surprize me somehow.

But it's late now so I suppose that I have been completely forgotten. No, not forgotten. In order to be forgotten, I would have first had to be thought of. And clearly I never crossed another person's mind.

How can it hurt so bad? Even though I've been telling myself for weeks that I would be spending my birthday alone, it still crushes my heart when it actually happens. I didn't want a celebration or presents. I just desperately wanted even the tiniest show of love. Why would I ever want to celebrate the day I was forced into this horrible world anyway?

I don't know why I bother trying at life anymore. I fail at everything I ever do. No one will willingly tolerate my presence. I have no decernible talents, skills, or even interests. And not even I can believe that I will ever amout to anything.

When my mom asked me what I wanted for my birthday, my first thought was "death," and my second was "to not live long enough to see another one." What a downer I am. No wonder nobody wants me.

I am so sorry that I have to clutter this forum with my pathetic whining, but unfortunately, I have no one else to talk to.

I think I'll go to bed now; I can't bear to be concious another minute anyway.

I'm sorry. Thank you for listining. Good night.

[waves]

((( Birthday Hugs ))) to you... a little late, but all the same.

i'm so sorry your birthday was so sad for you. i wish i had known.

i just want to say as far as discernible talents... or why anyone would want you around... well, for starters you are a sensitive and compassionate person. those are qualities i very much appreciate in a person. unfortunately, being sensitive can sometimes make us more vulnerable to hurt, too.

anyway, i am glad you are here. i know maybe i don't count for a whole lot, but i don't think i'm the only one that appreciates you here, either. you are not "clutter" sweetie!

you know, no matter what, a birthday is always a special day, and it hurts when nobody knows or wants to share that specialness with us. your birthday IS a special day, and i'm glad for it... because it means you are here.

i hope when you wake up you will feel a little better.



~ waves ~

[barbo]

It's 2:45 and I am still up. Decided to turn the computer back on and see what's happening - and I discovered it is/was your birthday. Ditto everything Waves said. You are a kind and caring person and it's not fair that the persons closest to you aren't aware of it. Please consider that the people on this forum are your friends. We really do care about each other and hate it when someone is left out for any reason. Here's a belated birthday hug from me. Hope you are getting a good nights sleep.

[Burntmarshmallow]

Lonely1
birthday hugs
sorry you didnt tell any of us but Now WE know now that 1-22 is your day of birth .
I hope you are having a warm sunny weekend full of positive things smiles and good surprises.
we need a cake ....

[BlueMajo]

why, I mean WHY, WHY, WHY !!!! (yes, Im shouting to you !!! ) <-- kidding Why you didnt mention it was your birthday before so we could have made you a cyber party !!!

All right, now that I know it, let me send you hugs all your way to Oregon !!! Honey, birthdays are special, yeah... but, you are special ALL days of the year.... so... It is not that bad I missed your birthday because I can hug you and talk to you all year long....

I will leave you another cake here... did you eat good cake ?? if not, go eat it now... cakes are yummy... Have a slice in my honour...

LOVE YAAAA !!!

[FeelinGoofy]

Cant have cake without ice cream!!!!!!!
I hope you are feeling a bit better today.. I hope you'll accept a belated birthday wish!!!!!!
vicky

[mistiis]

Happy belated birthday TL1...gosh we do love a party around here, dont we??? Especially those special BD's which are always special to us cause that is the day one of our special angels here was born into this world and we love each other in and love having each other in our lives. You are a gift to us, so your Birthday IS very special!! You make a difference to us, and, despite the way you "feel" add some compassionate light into this darkened world of ours. So you actually do have a very important job, and place in this ole world. Hope you got some sleep. You are not alone in how you feel. That I can promise you.

So sorry for the heartache and hoping to lighten it some. (((hugs)))

[reyn]

Oh, dear, L1, I did not know that it was your birthday because I would have soldiered through my own problems and found a way to reach out to you to tell you that you are a part of our family here, and we always want to reach out to the "birthday person" to let him/her know that we care!

I'm sorry that I've failed you recently. I just got caught up in the mess here in my life, and my tunnel vision limited me to the point that I was of no value to any of my friends and family here.

You are special to us, and I hope that you know that we all care about you. It's a bit late, but I'm sending you wishes that you can feel that care and love from your friends here and know that we support you and want to do whatever we can to help you find a better, more positive way to live and to grow. I love you and want you to know that--if I could--I would give you a birthday hug and take you out for a celebratory dinner for your birthday. I'll try harder to stay in touch with you, maybe call you so that we can visit via the telephone, okay?

Love and hugs,
reyn

[thelonely1]

Thank you everyone for the love and support... and cake.

It's extra touching because I know at least a couple of you are feeling down too, and you still managed to post messages of hope for me. I only wish I could be as helpful to you as you are to me.

I never feel as loved as I do when I come here.



Sorry I didn't give a heads up about it being my birthday until it was too late. I was still trying to hold out hope that I would be remembered, I really needed someone to think of me without being told to.

Plus, I knew I would be forgotten, and I really needed to hear that people here cared, and this gave me something to post about. Sometimes I just get so starved for love.....

I did have some birthday cheesecake, (wait, does it count if it was bought with my money?)

I am feeling a little better right now, but only because of your posts. I still have an underlying feeling of emptyness and hopelessness, (which will surely overwhelm me sporadically for the next few days. )

Thank you all again for caring, you're the only thing keeping me going.

[thelonely1]

Oh look, while I was typing my long rambling post, I missed Reyn.

You haven't failed me sweetheart, I know you are going out of you're way to help me even though you have your own problems to deal with. And besides, I only posted this yesterday, and you left a post before I was able to.

Please do call me especialy if you're having a hard time, so then maybe I can help you too.



Thank you so much for caring, you help me a lot more than you know!