[Alffe]

Dreaming Up An Answer With My Sock On
-by Jeanne Moren (Adams), SOS Volunteer Facilitator

One subject that is a continual source of discussion at the SOS Support Group is dreams. Sometimes it is brought up when someone would just like to share a dream they had and perhaps ask, "What do you think that means?" Other times someone has been haunted by unrelenting dreams of the horror involving their loved one's death. They may have been a discoverer or participant at the scene or they are imagining what the events might have been. There are those who can't seem to find any peace in sleep and others who yearn to dream of their loved one, feeling it would provide a reconnection or some explanation. Some survivors report feeling an actual presence or conversation in their dream state.

As for me, I have always thought of myself as a dreamer of Olympic porportions. The years since my husband's death have been no exception. Oddly enough, I have discovered that my dreams are the most vivid and extended when I have my socks on. Possibly there is a physical explanation for this. Perhaps when my body is warmer, my subconscious is more active. Perhaps I sleep in a deeper state when my feet are snuggled in. Whatever the reason, for me, it seems to hold true.

At one point in time after my loss I started reading books about dreams and even took a Dream Interpretation class. I was fascinated by the idea that our dream life could actually tell us things that transferred to our daily living. I recorded my dreams on paper and on tape. I learned that getting up and moving around or any large body movements diminished the memory of a dream. I experimented with trying to go back to where I left off in certain dreams that I like or found interesting. I tried to erase dreams that were frightening or puzzling. I tried to program my dreams to be about specific subjects or people. Of course, all of this was driven by a yearning to understand more about my suicide loss. I discovered that delving into some of my dreams was helpful.

I know now that, for some survivors, dreams can be an important part of a search for answers. I know that restful sleep is necessary for good health and healing. I know that concern around these issues is normal and talking about them may help. There are ways to address dreams, sleep deprivation or recurring images. Interventions are available.

SO CONSIDER THIS...If dreams are a comfort to you, embrace them. If lack of sleep is problematic, seek medical advice. If distrubing images are relentless, discuss it with a professional who can guide you to options for relieving and overcoming them. There are methods available for changing destructive thought patterns.

Looking for answers comes in many forms, consciously and subconsciously. We all desire to regain control of our lives after the major disruption of a suicide loss. For some of us, dreams may be one of the paths. You can explore ways to better understand your dreams. It is possible for you to use subconscious thoughts toward healing by facing the content and discussing it. Consider it.

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Reprinted with permission SOS of Dane County Newsletter April 2010
Jeanne Moren (Adams) is the author of the book "The Dividing Line"