[Xienite]

Whew, I am so glad that I have landed for awhile it seems, but I would much prefer the mania over the depression. Not sure if I am running from the depression or it is a true manic episode...in reality, who cares. Forgive me if I start rambling, just trying to sort out my feelings, as best I can.

For those who didn't read my post 9 days ago, I had to put my much loved dog to sleep due to old age and health problems. Not 12 hours later, I found out that my son and his girlfriend placed my 4 month old twin boy grand-buddies in their new home....hell, I didn't know they were being placed for adoption. Am I upset, you bet....but this is probably to most unselfish thing my son has done in his life. I know he is hurting but he is refusing to talk to me at all...so sometimes I feel like I have not only lost the grandbabies, but my son too...silly head trips.

Lord knows how much we can beat ourselves up (or at least I can). So I've been doing what I do best...dig, shovel, move furniture..anything to stop me from thinking...thinking equals feeling, and the last thing I wanted/want to do is feel...is just hurts too much.

The shed that Bill ordered finally arrived, (10 x 11) so helped lay the floor and some building...but couldn't make the room. So then came the job of movig stuff from storage to here....welllllll, storage is really close, so I would take my wagon (yes, a wagon) and bring back 3 of those plastic storage bins at a time. Did that for 7 hours the first day...went back the 2nd day and the Manager of the storage facility comes up to me and says that they can't watch me all day again so they are going to give me a truck and a driver for an hour to move all my stuff.....

Now all my belonings are in the back yeard and everything needs to be gone througs. I did great the first 2 days...until I looked around and my entire life is spread around a back yard. Then to top it off, I realize I am storing lots of stuff from dead people....but then I had a thought that at my age, this is probably as good as it gets. YIKES, here come the "hic-up" tears and I cried until my eyes were puffy.

Bill, being the ever in-tune house owner decided to make me laugh that same day (little did he know)...so he bought this 4x4 (big truck) remote control truck, with no bed in it. I had Buddy creamated and had to pick him up the day before (another fiasco...the vet didn't pay the cemetary...another shake your head and sigh moment).....so I'm outside sobbing..and I hear this silly remote care noise. Yep, you guessed it...Bill has zip-tied Buddy (in his container) to the back of this little truck, and here it comes, out to greet me. What else you going to do, I about peed'ed my pants laughing. I just needed to laugh, and to think Buddy was there to help, made it all the more special.

Was it disrespectifical....maybe to some. Did it offend me, not in the least, and sometimes I just need to stop worrying what somebody thinks about me, I know I am a feeling, compassionate, living human being....who sometimes feels too much.

I'm rambling, been up way too long, but gots lots of stuff down around here. Be kind, to you....be gentle to you....

I wonder how many chapters this book will have

Xie

[Alffe]

I love reading your book Xie. Something you said about storing stuff for dead people reminded me of my great Aunt Grace. She lived 95 years with a positive attitude and was such an inspiration to me. I came across a shoe box of hers recently and there were little rocks in it that she had picked up on her travels. Each rock is labeled, in her handwriting...Red Sea, Mt.Of Olives, Mt.Cook..New Zealand, Pyramids, Gaza....well, too numerous to list them all but they are treasures. I can see her picking them up and with adhesive tape, labeling each one at the end of the day.

They are now in a candy dish on my coffee table. We can never know how we will live on in someones memory.

[Alffe]

XIE...are you working on a new chapter?