[yannimac]

I used to post here about 3 years ago, so its been quite a while. I feel like I need to post this to give some people here hope about their situation and give you some advice on what helped me get through PCS. Of course as I am sure most of you know, every brain injury is different, so I am not saying this is good advice for everyone... especially those who have major TBIs. I would consider mine a mild TBI... although it didn't feel "mild" to me at the time if you know what I mean ;-)

Just a quick background on my injuries... I suffered 3 concussions in the fall of 2006. 2 wakeboarding by hitting my face on the water at high speeds and 1 when I was drinking one night and I don't even know what happened... I just woke up with a fractured frontal sinus bone (the bone where the eyebrow is). I could hardly get out of bed for a week after the last concussion and then things gradually got better. I was dizzy/lightheaded, felt disconnected, depressed, slept alot, and had problems concentrating for almost a year. And slowly things improved over the next three years to the point where I don't even feel like I have PCS at all (aside from a few minor things).

There are probably plenty of people here who have it worse than I did, but at the time I honestly thought I had ruined my life and I would never be happy, confident or a high functioning individual ever again. I was lucky enough to be working at home during this time and I was able to keep my job as a software developer, even though it was much more difficult to do my job. I would forget alot and had a very hard time concentrating.. but for the most part my brain was still able to understand the concepts that I needed to understand in order for me to do my job. So I can't say I was completely debilitated to the point where I could not work. It was just much harder to do what I used to. Any mild psychological problem I had was intensified 10 fold.. like ADD, depression, etc.. I feel like I rarely had these problems before the concussions, but afterwards they were persistent.

I think the hardest part was that no one could relate to what I was going through, because I looked fine on the outside. I think I found comfort in reading this forum, but eventually it became counter-productive. I did way too much research on PCS and I became completely obsessed with figuring out a way to treat it. I think this made me feel worse than anything. Since I was so obsessed with PCS, I would spend every minute researching it or thinking about how it was affecting me. I would think.. oh, I feel horrible today.. what did I do yesterday that intensified my PCS? Then the opposite.. oh, I ate so and so today and feel pretty good, so is that helping me recover from PCS? I would literally spend every waking minute analyzing how I was feeling. It was exhausting and now I realize it was the worst thing for me to do.

I hate to be negative about PCS treatments, but I tried just about everything and found no "magical treatment". Neurofeedback looked promising, but I think that is about the closest thing you guys will find to a "magical treatment", although its probably far from it. Stop wasting your time trying to find that remedy and don't spend all your free time reading this forum and looking for answers. It makes you think about your PCS more and the more you think about your symptoms, the more intense they will become. When I stopped worrying about it, I feel like I finally started my recovery. I made up my mind one day that I would stop obsessing over PCS and just learn to adapt to the person I had become. I stopped reading this forum and anything related to PCS. You HAVE TO get back out there and start living your life again! You need new experiences and new knowledge in order for your brain to grow new neural connections. I started taking guitar lessons again and tried other new hobbies. I started reading more about software development and started learning new things that related to my job. I think getting out there and trying new things really helped me more than anything. Of course I had to pace myself and take breaks if I started feeling really bad, but I just kept trying to move forward and get back to where I was before the accident. I also went to a MD to look into meds that would help me. I am taking Vyvanse to help with concentration and fatigue. I was completely against taking daily psych meds before, but now I realize that if you find something that helps you improve without more negative side effects, then why not take it. A combination of thinking positive, learning new things, better diet and taking this med gradually made me feel like a new person.

I feel like I am a completely different person now. I have my confidence back and aside from strenuous exercise, I can do almost everything that I could before my concussions. And really I feel that going through this experience has made me a better person. I appreciate my life much more and I don't take things for granted as much as I used to. I am definitely more cautious than I used to be and I feel like that is a good thing too.

Like I said at the beginning of this post, this advice is probably more suited for people with milder TBI/PCS, but this is what worked for me. Seriously, if you are obsessing over PCS and your symptoms, then you need to stop worrying about it... get out of this forum and start trying to learn new things outside of PCS. It will make you feel better. YMMV, but I hope this helps someone. I have been meaning to post this for a while. In this forum, I think you may lose sight of the fact that people can get better, because the ones that were in this forum and are feeling better now are not very likely to return and post about it. They are out there having a good time again.

[shezbut]

Hi yannimac :wavehello:

I was around here & in a worldwide chatroom regularly a couple of years ago as well. I do remember you

I also struggled with my emotions ~ which I think is really common for those with mild TBI's ~ and developed major depression, requiring a lot of work and medications before easing. During the major depression, I stepped back completely from TBI boards and chatrooms. I recently began coming in here again, very occasionally.

I can share my personal experience with some people ~ those who I can relate to, on a deeper level. But I also have to step back a bit to maintain my personal health. It is so easy to immerse myself in online communities. And in doing so, I kind of "lose myself".

For me, there was no magical cure. It just took some time for me to realize that we all have limits. My limitations are lower, but I can still do things. I may take longer, and require new techniques to help my memory, but those techniques do help me.

Best wishes to you ~ hugs!!
Shez

[Toni S]

Yanniemac,

Hey, I'd like to begin by first & foremost expressing my congratulations to you in your abilities to accept & learn from your experiences in dealing with PCS. I think that's awesome you were able to find the resources necessary for your recovery!!

I can't speak for anyone else who visits this site & reads these forums, however, I can speak for myself. I have to admit that when it comes to me & efforts, I'm the first to say that I use this site to gain access to useful resources, tools & information, pertaining to me & my recovery as you have sucessfully done.

I didn't have a clue in the world about biofeedback counseling until I saw the name in one of these posts. I also didn't know I could actually have certain types of tests performed to show what areas of my brain were actually effected by my injuries.

I know this might sound a bit silly, but I actually thought for a long time, my doctor was a quack for sending me to a "back & spine institute" for a blow to the head! (several actually) not to mention him sending me to an "eye specialist".

I remember embarrasing the snot out of my entire family, just recently, when I looked at my doctor & said, "wtf's wrong with you boy?? .. how are you gonna sit there, with a serious look on your damn face, and tell me to get my damn eyes checked, when I was the blows where in the "back" of my head, that's no where near my damn eyes!".

I guess what I'm trying to say is that before I personally could actually even begin to believe there was such a thing as PCS, I had to do what I was trained to do. I had to "investigate" the issue in order to find some sort of proof & evidence PCS even existed ..WOW!!
Lol, at least now I know #1, doc might not be such a quack after-all (thank god his "investigation" response time was quicker than mine!) & #2, I have a new found respect for the brain and all the mysteries it holds.

Best of Luck to your continued success in recovery. As I also agree that anything's possible & healing begins to take place from with-in when you begin to approach it in a more positive way!

--Toni

[yannimac]

I guess I need to clarify. I was not suggesting that this forum is a bad thing. It is definitely the best resource for learning about TBI and hearing that you are not alone. I guess the point I was trying to make is that TBI information became an obsession for me and it was counter productive to my recovery after a while.

By all means, you should try out some of the suggestions people make here, because they may work wonders for your particular situation. I tried alot of things and I came to the conclusion that (at least today) there is no magic bullet. If you get to this point, then you may just need to accept the fact that you are a changed person and try to move forward. I think it is very important that you do not dwell on who you used to be, because you may never get back to that point. But that does not mean that you can't find ways to enjoy life again... and you may even enjoy it more than you used to.. I know I do. My doctor told me that if I hit my head just a little bit harder, then second layer of my frontal sinus bone would have broken and it would have gone into my brain. Thinking about that just shows me that I don't have it so bad. I could have died.

I also used to think positive thinking, mind over matter, etc.. was total BS. Now I think the complete opposite.