[eponagirl]

I'm over 8 months out now...The last month I've been doing more things than I've been able to do (am handling my daily routine at home taking care of all my animals -still not the same level of involvement pre-accident, but the very basics). I had to cut back on work to acheive this and find a balance between working and taking care of home life and of course the ever present: healing.

I think I tricked myself into believing I was fine now...ha! I think I have just gotten used to this slower life now and made the mistake of going about business as usual (well, what used to be usual) Now, this week I am staring off and brain is overstimulated again, background noises just go away completely, tv is good again. The reminder that...yes, despite what some people think, I did suffer head trauma! For some reason I still want to believe I am making this all up. (I DID get kicked in the head by a horse though!)

Part of the problem may be that my memory is like swiss cheese and I forget easily things within a week or heck even in a day or a few minutes. So I literally forget my protocol for healing sometimes.

The hardest part of all this is wanting SO bad to FINALLY be over this. It feels like such a loooong road, but in the big scheme of things, I think I am improving...or just accepting that this is life now, can't tell which. I cannot handle life full time yet.

People I work with and my bf forget about my healing still. (don't blame them though, I look fine, so what's there to remind them until I have a meltdown).

The overwhelm just comes out of nowhere, so it's hard to see it coming. I know the drill by now...cut back, rest, know that perhaps next month I'll make another leap forward (one can hope!) Just when I think I'm getting somewhere...the smackdown hits! The book Brainlash helps me alot, but today I felt like posting, maybe someone can relate!

When do you know it's time to decide: step up the testing with more Drs. (i think neuropsych testing would be next) or just wait for more time to heal and see how it goes?

I take it back, the hardest part is processing this experience and being aware of how I feel, my limitations, and mostly how to navigate all of this!!

[vini]

hi epona

neuropsych testing is useful in proving there is damage to you,re brain, but that is all,

unless the doctor is to prescribe some ongoing treatment, this could set boundaries for you, by telling you this part is damaged or that part is damaged,

I don.t try to hide my deficits but explain them in a matter of fact way, I have a lot of missing bits as i call them, bits of conversations , bits of actions this is due to instant memory loss

so its hard to keep a train of thought, so i find this work round useful , this is to go back to the last bit that stuck in your memory .like ask your self now what was i saying or what was i doing,

things like this can happen to me, I will be say, ordering something in a restaurant some thing will attract my attention , i have totally forgot the waiter is standing next to me, or that I was looking at the menu,

when asked excuse me sir, instead of looking blankly at the waiter, I re-evaluate the situation

. like menu waiter i,m ordering food then perhaps explain i have a head injury

but friends and family can help a lot with this just by reminding you of what you are doing

dose this some up the Swiss cheese memory thing for you

[Mark in Idaho]

Hey Vini,

Isn't is great when you can have a brain fart and those around you can show that it is not a big deal?

The waiter situation sounds so familiar. The distractability of PCS can make for interesting situation. We just have to shrug our shoulders and go on.

epona girl,

Those great times DO make you think you are crazy when a bad time jumps up to show its face. One gets used to the higher levels of functioning and whammo, you are right back at day one.

I am constantly thinking this is all made up and just in my head. Well, I am right on the second part. Just physiologically 'in my head,' versus crazy in my head.

I tend to be a bit timid about taking on challenges that may cause a relapse. I take the challenge much slower. My concern is not whether I can meet the challenge, but rather, prevent a disaster if I fail. I still get lots done.

My biggest day to day challenge is with word finding. I can get stuck trying to get the simplest of words to come to my mouth. Sometimes, I can even envision the word.

Or, as you said, I find myself staring at the waiter and wondering what is next. I go through the clues; waiter, restaurant, no food on our table.... duhhh, maybe he wants my order. Now, what was I thinking of ordering???

I wish I could remember the tip I heard on Weird Eaters on cable last night. They were helping people who get stuck on specific food obsessions. At the time, I thought, I need to remember this. Now..... Should have written it down.

epona girl, Keep on keeping on. Eventually, you will discover those symptoms that may pop back up and the triggers for the pop up event. Then, you can learn to side step the triggers, sometimes.

My best to you all.

Happy Thanksgiving to those in the USA.

To the rest, we Americans just pigged out for an entire day. Great to have a holiday focused on food.

[Grady Lady]

Hi Epona,
I too am 8 months out now - "The hardest part of all this is wanting SO bad to FINALLY be over this. It feels like such a loooong road, but in the big scheme of things, I think I am improving...or just accepting that this is life now, can't tell which. I cannot handle life full time yet."

“today I felt like posting, maybe someone can relate!”

Your words resounded in me. This week I have been really facing the reality of my condition, struggling in fact. I am not even working or driving. You would think that would give me a clue, yes this is going to be a "loooong road".

So here I come to find solace and there is your post. Just to know I am not alone when I feel so alone at times helps so much.

And there is Vini and Mark, ah how they both always say the right things with their picture stories painting scenes of our shared lives.

Yes, I very thankful for this forum.

Epona, I had neuro testing done and then was referred to a speech and language pathologist.
I am currently doing a computer program at home that is designed to address my impairments. It is challenging at times when I get stuck on a level for a couple of days but I “keep on keeping on”.

So here we are, living all around this earth with a common bound and holding each other through the power of our healing,
our brains ARE working!!!!!

Peace
Grady Lady

[Dmom3005]

I can totally relate to being so many months out. But I have to admit,
mine is more years. But I have had more than one accident that
reflects in these problems.

It does get easier as you go along. If you remember its one day sometimes
one moment at a time.

Good luck

Donna

[eponagirl]

THanks everyone for the great support. All of your input is helpful and reassuring. As many have stated before, I don't know what I'd do if I hadn't found this group! Hope you all had a great holiday (US) and weekend!

[MarileeG]

Hi Epona,

i just joined the group and really not sure how i was making it before i did. i'm just about 4 months since my injury and am feeling many of the things you describe. It is a loooonng road and I often feel like its all in my head and if i just pretend its over it will be. Learned a couple tough lessons trying that...

I'm thankful for the people like you (and everyone who wrote to encourage you) who are willing to tell it like it is. It seems at this place there is always someone who understands and reminds that you're not crazy.

Do keep on keepin on. You never know what good thing tomorrow might bring.

Marilee

Originally Posted by eponagirl

THanks everyone for the great support. All of your input is helpful and reassuring. As many have stated before, I don't know what I'd do if I hadn't found this group! Hope you all had a great holiday (US) and weekend!

[eponagirl]

Just reading your post makes me want to weep (from relief and validation and then still mourning my losses). The farther out I get, the more I think it is an illusion and that I should be better now.... and continue to pay every time I start believing that. It is such a relief to hear others go through the same thing, makes me feel less crazy and take things slower and more seriously again.