[Kelly50179]

I am currently suffering from PCS with extreme depression. Back in October, I had a mild concussion during a collegiate soccer match after continuing to play on a headache that lasted about 5 days. Throbbing headaches, random insomnia, easy exhaustion, and extreme depression were the main symptoms I struggled with. I was making progress and released to run/work out in December, but had a very bad relapse. The depression came back just as bad as it was right after the initial symptoms in October, if not worse. The headaches weren't as bad, I just experienced a constant light headache from time to time. I am now taking a semester off of college and it is February 11. I need some hope... there are days when I feel like giving in to the suicidal thoughts of depression. I feel like I'm never going to become the person that I was. This is by far the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my entire life. I didn't even think it was possible to feel emotions like this. Simply walking for 30 minutes leaves me exhausted and brings back the depression even more. I have always had a passion for life and been an extremely optimistic and hopeful person by nature. I know these are just the symptoms talking, but on my bad days, the depression is beyond my control and I can't help but feel hopeless. I can't seem to wrap my head around the idea that this is only temporary and it will get better. It's been almost 4 months since my mild concussion.. I'm not sure how much longer I can take. This can also be very frustrating because my concussion was not bad at all, yet my PCS has been very very hard for me. Has anyone gone through a similar situation and been able to return to playing sports? Just curious.. To be honest, I don't even care about playing soccer again at this point, I just want to wake up one morning and want to live again. I know there is no way to tell, but can anyone predict when all of this will pass? I need hope.....

[Jeffrey]

Kelly. Very sorry to hear about what you're going through. I've prayed for your healing, and hope that happens quickly.

Hopefully you have insurance to try chiro for your neck, see a specialist for this type of injury, etc.

I'm not sure about returning to sports for a while. I used to like running & doing home workouts. And solo travel. But I've had to learn to be very cautious til I feel like my old self again (Lord willing).

I don't go out so much anymore, drink very rarely, go to be earlier, etc.

There is hope, but it really bothers me how long this takes as well. My TBI was 7/15/10.

Hopefully some expert posters will reply as well-

[Mark in Idaho]

Kelly,

Sorry to hear of your struggles. I know what you are going through. A concussion from soccer messed me up for my sophomore year of high school.

You are likely experiencing Multiple Concussion Syndrome. You years playing soccer have undoubtedly lead to many prior concussions. Even if you did not experience any serious symptoms, heading the soccer ball creates what is called a sub-concussive impact to the brain. These sub-concussive impact cause the brain to become sensitized to later impact. The more you have the greater the sensitivity.

Statistics show that soccer players who routinely head the ball have a 10 point lower IQ when compared to those who do not head the ball. A further statistic is that the occasional intense header does less damage than the routine header drills. The repeated sub-concussive impacts in a short time period are cumulatively damaging.

It is also not uncommon for soccer p[layers who routinely head the ball to develop thicker bone in the skull.

Have you had any diagnostics or treatment done for your neck? If the head is impacted, the neck is also impacted. Headaches often manifest from the spasming muscles that attach the head to the neck, specifically the muscles that attached to the skull just behind the ears.

Regarding your depression. The toxins released from the damaged brain cells tend to pollute the brain. A high nutrition diet can help the brain purge these toxins. Search this forum for nutrition, vitamins, or supplements. You are likely deficient in B-6, B-12, Folic acid, D3, and some others. Nutrition is a slow but lasting endeavor.

You may also be experiencing some hormonal imbalances. A specialist in bio-identical hormones may be able to help you. There is a link on the thread about lack of intimacy. Hormones are important for both men and women.

Taking a semester off from school is a good idea but you need to still find some non-stress activities to do. Boredom is not good as it is a stressor.

Hope you can use these tips. You are not alone here so stay in touch.

btw. It will help many of us if you use lots of paragraph spaces in your posts. Many of us struggle to read text that has more than five or six lines per paragraph. Visual struggles are very common with PCS.

Also, download the TBI Survival Guide at www.tbiguide.com It will help you understand some of your symptoms. It will also help you explain your struggles to others.

My best to you.

[Kelly50179]

Thank you both so much for your willingness to help! After browsing through this forum, I feel pretty selfish because it seems as though most people have it a lot worse than me. I just have to remind myself to constantly keep things in perspective, which seems to help.

Mark in Idaho, you seem to know a good bit about concussions and PCS. What are your thoughts about me returning to play competitive soccer when I am 100% symptom free?

[Mark in Idaho]

Unfortunately, you will never be 100% symptom free. You may feel 100% but your brain will never be 100%. The most important issue is that there is no way to tell how much trauma your brain can withstand. Most likely, your brain has reached a critical mass of concussion and sub-concussive impacts that will leave you sensitive to any impact.

My neurologist when I was a sophomore in high school suggested that I never play contact sports again. There is a great crossover sport for soccer athletes. I excelled as a distance runner. The soccer conditioning was great for distance running conditioning. I was the fastest high school 2 miler in Connecticut history. I tore my quads and then injured my medial cartilage so I never even ran my best.

Soccer conditioning also creates excellent rowers. Crew is a great way to maintain a college athletic scholarship.

I am assuming you are female from your writing style. There are good opportunities in women's sports for someone with good endurance conditioning.

You may not have soccer, but there are plenty of opportunities for you. Redirecting your talents can lead to a full life even if your PCS follows you for a long time. Learning to live with PCS may be difficult at first but life has lots of options for those living with PCS.

I believe it offers an opportunity to become a much more compassionate and understanding person. A torn up knee or ankle is not much at character building. PCS is.

Relax, rest, and observe. You will learn lots.

My best to you.

My best

[BeccaP]

Kelly,

I don't know the answer to your question about sports but wanted to let you know about what has helped me with the depression part. I've always been a positive, active person too, so this has all thrown me for a huge loop. I've had thoughts of wanting to die because of being so miserable and so stuck in the stinky symptoms, feeling like I'm a terrible mom and wife and a burden on those I love. It is just a very discouraging package, plus the brain chemical garbage stuff Mark mentioned. Sometimes, even knowing there are others worse off doesn't make you feel better when things seem so gray. The good news is, it can, and most likely will get better, time is a great healer, especially with this type of injury.

The most dramatic shifts I've experienced in the mood/depression stuff has been the help from taking Vit D3 (5000iu/day), thyroid medication (Armour) and 5HTP (helps with mood regulation/seratonin). I was lucky to find a fantastic neurologist who knew to test my nutrient and hormone levels. I also take a lot of other supplements to feed my brain and body, but those seem to help the most with the emotional stuff.

Another thing that is hard to do, but is helpful, is just accepting where you are at the moment and being patient with the slow recovery process. Don't hold yourself to expectations of where you "should" be by now, you don't control the rate of recovery. Don't we all wish we could! You can't push through this stuff. Focus on what you can do rather than what you can't do. Sometimes things happen and we have to shift our plans a bit, it isn't always a bad thing when you look back later.

I'm a bit past 18 months now and sometimes get discouraged that I'm not all better, but when I look at how far I've come, I can see the improvements. I'm a lot older than you, so don't be discouraged by my timeline. The biggest leaps in healing took place in the first 6-7 months post-injury. I can still see progress now, slow, but there nonetheless. You'll progress too, just be patient. Be so very careful not to reinjure or cause relapse, nothing is worth prolonging your recovery. People do recover. Hang in there.

Best wishes,

Becca

[PCS BULL]

Hi there Kelly, I had nearly the same symptoms as you have (got jumped, rock to the head). Its strange to look through these threads on PCS for this website and see how "mild" our concussions are by comparison to others, yet how overwhelming they are regardless. Anyways, my symptoms match up close to exactly with yours...especially the extreme depression and almost suicidal tendency, definitely had my hopes on the ground. That constant light headache was weird and really irritating from what i remember.

I did not think by any chance I was going to get better, all i wanted was to wake up and feel the same, just be free of it. So after four months went by for me I looked into some medical treatment, i was sick of waiting and waiting. I found they try to "treat" pcs with all sorts of things, i did them all, chiro, EEG (LENS), neuro meds, phsyc. Apparently these have helped some with pcs, but not me. You could always look into these if you want to be active about it. Could definately worth it.

Long story short, I trudged for two years, day to day hopeless. Basically after that, in the course of a month it went away, 100%. I'm exactly the way I was before, I have no more relapses. I'm free, and you will be too. But god did hearing other peoples stories like this mean nothing to me when i was where you are...... I'm in college, CSULB, 20, have been where you are and gotten through it. My biggest advice is stay busy and have someone you can talk to. **
Feel free to email me or anything, ill give you my phone number if you want to talk about it cause i know you can only communicate so much on these forums.
Stay Strong,
Troy