[leebeemi]

Sigh. So, I've been healing well the last few weeks, feeling more myself, thanking my lucky stars for a supportive family, starting to get back into my "old" life. And...BAM!

My previously supportive husband confesses in a yelling tirade that he's sick & tired of "carrying all the weight" and that I should just get on with life. He resents having to do extra & care for me when he "gets nothing in return." Now, the particular day thiks happened, I was congratulating myself of 5 solid days of keeping up with housework, laundry, and cooking actual meals for the family. I hadn't forgotten an appointment or scheduled item for over a week or missed a day of work in 2 weeks, either.

I felt awful, and spent the next few days in a funk, but worked out of it and started again. But, I over extended myself at some point, and crashed to a point I haven't felt in over a month. Brain fog, anxiety, insomnia, etc. I haven't changed my sleep habits or meds, and have continued to see my doctor.

I know this is temporary, I know it's not unusual (given my condition!), and I know it will get better. But I'm just wrecked. Usually, I'd count on my husband to help me through, but I'm obviously not comfortable there. So, I just thought I'd spew out my troubles to an understanding community. Thanks.

[Mark in Idaho]

It sounds like you got floored by <My previously supportive husband confesses in a yelling tirade that he's sick & tired >

A 'yelling tirade' is cause for being messed up for a week or two. The chemicals that start flooding the brain from that kind of stress and over-stimulation will take quite some time to clear and normalize.

He would never take a baseball bat to your head but this tirade is just as damaging.

Wish there was something we could do to help.

My best to you.

[EsthersDoll]

I'm sorry this happened to you.

[MommaBear]

This just breaks my heart. He "gets nothing in return"?? Did he specify exactly what he is expecting "in return"? I sincerely hope you two will be able to work through this, and he can be more patient and understanding of you and your PCS. Sounds like he was trying hard but reached a breaking point. If only it could ever be that simple for anyone -- just "get on with life". *sigh* life does go on, but the world as we knew it is gone and it will never come back. Do you have a doctor, or psych, or counselor of some kind to talk to? If not, it sounds like you need maybe a family counselor, ask your doctor or case manager to help find one to help you two figure out your new post-TBI roles. I pray he'll be open to this, for the sake of his (your) whole family. Best Wishes to you all.

Originally Posted by leebeemi

Sigh. So, I've been healing well the last few weeks, feeling more myself, thanking my lucky stars for a supportive family, starting to get back into my "old" life. And...BAM!

My previously supportive husband confesses in a yelling tirade that he's sick & tired of "carrying all the weight" and that I should just get on with life. He resents having to do extra & care for me when he "gets nothing in return." Now, the particular day thiks happened, I was congratulating myself of 5 solid days of keeping up with housework, laundry, and cooking actual meals for the family. I hadn't forgotten an appointment or scheduled item for over a week or missed a day of work in 2 weeks, either.

I felt awful, and spent the next few days in a funk, but worked out of it and started again. But, I over extended myself at some point, and crashed to a point I haven't felt in over a month. Brain fog, anxiety, insomnia, etc. I haven't changed my sleep habits or meds, and have continued to see my doctor.

I know this is temporary, I know it's not unusual (given my condition!), and I know it will get better. But I'm just wrecked. Usually, I'd count on my husband to help me through, but I'm obviously not comfortable there. So, I just thought I'd spew out my troubles to an understanding community. Thanks.

[Soccergal]

Sorry to hear this. We all know that we need support. Just a thought, I wonder if he saw you doing so much better? And then maybe figured, well look at what she can do if she just tries hard. I must say, my husband has had these thoughts and has made the observation that I seemed ok on Monday, so what's the problem now? Sigh. It's so difficult to get them to understand.

My hubby also thinks it's his job to kick my butt and push me. Grrrrr, I finally explained to him that there are times where I just need him to show some empathy or at least an attempt to understand!

Good luck to you!

XSoccergal

[xxxxcrystalxxxx]

Im so sorry that happened to you. Thats just ******. Yes stress like that is so damaging. Maybe if you show him this thread he'll get it. My husband has been great but he is human and does have some problems once in a while. I'm 10 months in this battle.

[leebeemi]

Thank you ALL. Sometimes it's so nice to hear from those that get it, you know?

My husband is an addict. He's been clean & sober over a decade, but it's in his personality. He has extreme difficulty expressing what he perceives as "negative" feelings--anger, frustration, sadness, resentment, etc. So, he bottles them up until they explode. It's something we've been working on for awhile. So, while I've been leaning on him in the role of caretaker, and feeling very blessed by it, he's been building resentments. He also doesn't like dealing with "negative" feeling from others, so...well, that goes nowhere.

And I am normally a volatile personality, both up & down, happy & angry. The PCS has made me a bit more unpredictable & emotional. I am also the one that normally keeps thing running smoothly in the family, defusing potential problems, evening out bruised feelings, etc. Yes, I am a recovering enabler.

But just because I KNOW it, doesn't mean I can deal with it. And I do--and will--talk about it in therapy. He's not always real open to doing so, though, so we'll see. The real issue is that after he says something like that, he says he didn't "really" mean it & I should move on. Often, he plays victim because I should know what he "really meant." He feels wronged because people are trying to tell him "how to feel."

Gah! I'm tired, I'm stressed, & I want my mommy. Of course, I'm a 43-year-old adult with a husband & kids. I AM the mommy! Anyone feel like running away to a tropical island for a little quiet beach time with me?

Thanks again, all. You've helped more than you could possibly know (or any of us will remember, anyway ).

[HeadStrong]

I have thought about running away (some place warm with Palm trees) many times lol
Thanks for saying it out loud

[leebeemi]

Originally Posted by HeadStrong

I have thought about running away (some place warm with Palm trees) many times lol
Thanks for saying it out loud

The island of Vieques in Puerto Rico, in a village called Esperanza, with chickens & horses running around free--there are beaches where you will find NOBODY, unless you want to, and wonderful people who will sell you fried plantains & octopus salad when you are hungry...THAT'S my happy place, and where I will go when (if?) I run away. It's scarily specific!

[HeadStrong]

Sounds awesome! I hope you get to go sooner than later..... even if it's a short lived "run-away" lol