[stevem53]

Hi Everyone..Welcome new community members!..We hope that you find the support and info that you seek..There are some great folks on this forum, so please continue to join us!

After a few real hot and muggy days we are into some dryer and milder air the past couple of days..The air conditioners have been blasting

Fishing has slowed down, and the price of conch has dropped, so I started taking the traps home today..The overhead is too high, and the profit not high enough with the drop off in catch and price, so its time to take a break untill September when the catch improves again..So meanwhile Ive got some new traps to build and some bait to catch to fill my freezers up for the fall, and my outboard has to go in the shop for some lower unit work that Ive been putting off..It pops out of gear in reverse, so its time to get that straightened out

As many of you know my brother who is high functioning retarded lives with me, and periodically he does some things that really agrivate me..Tonight I went out to an AA meeting, and when I got home that back door was cracked open and unlocked..This is not the first time he's done this, and I was livid when I saw it..Number one..why not just put a sign up for the crooks?..And number two, I dont let the cats out because we live on a very busy 4 lane street, and one of the cats is diabetic and if she gets out and doesnt come home for a few days, like she does when she gets out, she will probably get sick and die..He is lazy as the day is long, Im sick and tired of picking up after him..He usually cuts the hedges..Well because he hasnt stayed on top of cutting them they grew out in width and height..So instead of cutting back the width he trimmed it instead and when he went to cut the tops he couldnt reach across, so he basically gave the hedges a Mohawk.. ..I swear if I had another living arangement that I could afford, I would move, and he would have to go into some kind of a home, because, there is going to come a day that I will have more than enough on my hands taking care of myself, and this crap just isnt going to fly anymore..I have sacrificed more than I care to admitt with this living arrangement, and it even led to the breakup of relationship with a lady that I was going to marry 11 years ago, and every once in a while I think about that..I think about how I gave up my personal life for this headache..Now I have to figure out what to do about his negligence to lock the door when he goes out..and what ****** me off about it is, he may be retarded, but he knows damned well the the doors have to be locked when nobody is home and that isnt a result of his disability, but of his laziness..This past week this has all come to a head..for the 800th time..

How was your week?



Watch...Learn...Survive

[proudest_mama]

Steve,

I know that what you wrote was serious, but I was snickering and smiling through it all. Not to be disrespectful, mind you, but simply to commiserate with half of the world.

Teens do exactly what you describe and, unfortunately (or fortunately), we have four kids. I swear I walk around, shaking my head, saying "You just need to leave ... you just need to go back to college!" And this began when they were home a whopping three days!

Actually, a few years ago, I saw a friend of mine in the neighborhood. It was September or October and her kids had gone back to college. I asked her if she missed them since they weren't home. The look that she gave me was incredible. Several years later, I now understand!

I've decided that God has a sense of humor. How else can you describe it?!

Hang in there, that's the only thing we can do. As I tell everyone, partly to convince myself ... there are four things that "the company" can't touch ... my faith, my family, my sense of humor, and my health. I still have three out of four, so I'm doing fine!

In all seriousness, Steve, there's a reason that we have PD instead of, say, cancer. It's a long term disease and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US can try to impact the world in one way or another. We each have different gifts to do that.

But, in answer to your brother ... if you have signs made (perhaps laminated) that you can hang up every time you leave, it would serve as a reminder to your brother, that's for sure, but there's also a much smaller chance that he'd do it again. How could he explain it to you if the sign is, literally, right under his nose?!!

Here's hoping that you have a great weekend and an either better week!

Smile ... I'm smiling right along with you!

[reverett123]

I wonder how many of us tend toward such behavior? Bearing the burden stoically when another would walk away? Me for sure. Seems awfully common. Sometimes I think we should all get big foam rubber nerf bats and take out a few frustrations...

Got a little rain and cooled a tiny bit this week. Inched a little closer to getting the trailer park. Ginseng trial still going well.

[Teretxu]

Steve, your brother has to pull his weight, period. You've got too much on your hands to babysit him. Lay down the laws of the household and demand that he abides by them or else face a total change in his personal situation.

Having said this, I know you're probably thinking that you owe it to your parents to care for him, but you're not Superman and you have to draw the line somewhere.

Make sure he's not listless or worn out because of diet problems, and it might be a good idea to have a doctor see him to rule out depression.

[stevem53]

Originally Posted by Teretxu

Steve, your brother has to pull his weight, period. You've got too much on your hands to babysit him. Lay down the laws of the household and demand that he abides by them or else face a total change in his personal situation.

Having said this, I know you're probably thinking that you owe it to your parents to care for him, but you're not Superman and you have to draw the line somewhere.

Make sure he's not listless or worn out because of diet problems, and it might be a good idea to have a doctor see him to rule out depression.

Hi Teresa..Part of the problem is the family dysfunction he grew up around..My mother enabled him, sheltered him, and did everything for him, and now that shes gone he thinks he is entitled to a free ride for the rest of his life..The friendships and the life hes made for himself since my mother went in a nursing home 11 yrs ago, and passed away a year ago has been good for him..He has made some good friendships, but the problem is that it has become the primary focus in his life, and his resposibilities have become secondary, and I end up on the short end every time..Its one thing that he shrugs resposibility, and yet another when he makes more work for me..He has seen his Gen Physician for his health concerns, but now I think its time to place him into some sort of therapy for his behaviors, something I should have done years ago..I have laid down the law more times than I can count, and have been met with defience every step of the way..When I asked him if he left the door unlocked yesterday, he said that it wasnt him, even though he was the last one out of the house.. ..So I asked him if it was the cats who left the door open?..

Even in spite of the fact that I have pd, my life is good and I am reasonably happy..But he has been a constant thorn in my side

[GregD]

Steve,
Here in the town I live in they have a program for as you put it, "high functioning retarded". It's called Rham. The people live in basically a group home with a responsible adult as sort of a home mother or father. The program has been around for at least 30 years that I know of. They have their problems but for the most part the program is highly sucessful. If you would like I could pick up some information on it and send it to you. Maybe you could get this type of program started there.

GregD

[stevem53]

Originally Posted by GregD

Steve,
Here in the town I live in they have a program for as you put it, "high functioning retarded". It's called Rham. The people live in basically a group home with a responsible adult as sort of a home mother or father. The program has been around for at least 30 years that I know of. They have their problems but for the most part the program is highly sucessful. If you would like I could pick up some information on it and send it to you. Maybe you could get this type of program started there.

GregD

They have those kinds of places here Greg...As a matter of fact, that lady that I was going to marry 11 years ago is an administrative nurse at one of those places..But this situation is not that simple..The house we live in is in my brothers name, because when my mother went into the nursing home we were able to keep the house because of a clause in the law that addressed disabled sons/daughters who had lived with their parents all their lives..Otherwise Medicade would have took the house to pay for her medical/long term care..So if I place him in a home I will no doubt have to find another living arrangement because I dont think I will be able to stay here either because I would be forced out, and/or I cant afford to live here without my brothers disability income, and vice versa anyway..I would have to put my name on a waiting list for section 8/elderly housing, and I really am not ready for that yet..I had a talk with him today and asked him how he would feel if he came home and found a thief ransacking the house, with a knife, or a gun or something?..He said that he certainly wouldnt want that..I showed him how to fix the hedges and he straightened that out..It is frustrating because I constantly have to go through this rig-a-marole with him...Before I make any major moves, I would try alternative remedies like some sort of out patient therapy, and in time if it didnt work I would have to explore other more drastic options

[Jaye]

An old friend is moving away; a new friendship is developing. Farewell luncheon for the old friend will be Wednesday; I went to the movies Saturday afternoon with the new one (Vanessa Redgrave, Meryl Streep, and their daughters in "Evening"--great flick).

I didn't think I could handle a class in a classroom; the new friend asked me to go to one with her if she would drive me (too much freeway between here and there). We had a two-day, four hours each day, workshop on journal-writing at the county community college last week, with only one other student and a vastly experienced teacher. Wow. I had no trouble keeping up. All three ladies accommodated my slowness in getting my notebook out and and my laptop fired up, and sometimes waited while I framed my thoughts, although I'm not sure they were even aware they were doing it or just had good manners.

This Wednesday I start another writing class from the same college, but it will be online. I think some of the techniques I learned in the journaling class will be very helpful for focus in this next class.

In family doings: I had a nice long talk with my sister yesterday--she is my only sibling. My daughter has business in Washington DC this week and will be coming to visit one night. I haven't seen her since last October when she came after my hip surgery for a few days, and before that at her wedding on Maui in May of last year. My eldest stepdaughter is due on Thursday--unless our darling baby decides to wait until step-grandma gets the crocheted blanket done, but babies hardly ever wait for anything.

We had total fiber-optic put in, so I'm enjoying flat-rate phoning, fast internet, and TV that's easy to find things on. Right now I'm stuck on all the home improvement shows as I try to come up with a plan for a kitchen renovation that doesn't cost anything, LOL.

There must be more, but I must be off to the therapy pool again. Thanks for the kind words in past weeks; it's good to be able to participate. Glad it's okay otherwise, Steve.

Jaye

"If you want to keep moving, keep moving." -Bob C.

[Todd]

Recovering still from last weeks NPF Young-Onset conference. It was great to see Peggy again, and to meet Mary Frances in person. And oh yeah, even Chasmo (who didn't mention me in the list of people he met in another thread.) Thanks Chasmo...where's the love? Anyway, I'm just amazed at how much traveling takes a toll on my body. It's been taking about a week of rest after a trip to recover.

The conference was amazing, met many new people, and got to spend some time with some old friends as well. It's always hard to leave and say goodbye, as I wish everyone lived closer so we could get together more often. Dealing with a little post-conference depression I think.

Our weather here has been in the mid 90's forever. Keeping the lawn even somewhat close to a remote shade of green has been challenging at best.

I've also gotten into the habit of doing a 15 mile round-trip bike ride to my gym to work out 3-4 days a week but the heat is making it very difficult. It means I have to get up earlier and get started before we hit the 90's but getting out of bed early after not sleeping well all night is a workout in itself!

Other than that, life is good. Have a good week everyone...

[maryfrances]

Hello Everyone !!

I've had a GREAT week! I've been at the beach all week.
The sun and the ocean.........mmmmmmm, glorious.
I've been going from the pool to the beach.... from the
beach to the pool....shopping, out to eat ....ah, now this
is the life! (Of course, I did bust it trying to skimboard,
but I kept on trying till I got it....busted knees and all.)

I had a great time at the YOPA conference. Todd, Joyce and
Charlie took good care of me as I was by myself in Chicago.
The food was great. The company was better. Todd and
Charlie introduced me to some fabulous people.
Todd is an inspiring speaker, too. (There's the love, Todd.
Um, you can pay me later....lol.)

Anyway, I can't wait to see everyone again. I made so
many new friends. I think we should have one every
month. It's a great way to see America. I hope I get to
meet more of you at the next YOPA. Okay, Todd, now
where is the next one??? Share the love...share the love...
a hint? Oh, just tell us.

I hope every has a glorious week this week. You owe it
to yourself. Do something fun and memorable. Time is
short. Make some memories. Go live life!

Mary Frances
xxxooo