Thoracic Outlet Syndrome Thoracic Outlet Syndrome/Brachial Plexopathy. In Memory Of DeAnne Marie.


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Old 12-10-2007, 01:06 AM #1
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Default My Pity Party

I'm really bummed at how TOS has crushed (nice pun ?) my Christmas plans.

The last few years, TOS has made it necessary to buy most gifts online, use gift bags instead of wrapping, and a fake tree instead of real.......but I can live with those.........

Last Sunday, my sister and mother took me shopping at a large outlet mall. My sister ran all the packages back to her car after each store so I wouldn't have to carry stuff. I still ended up in bed for the next three days.

Yesterday, my mom came to help clean (and order my kids around to clean their stuff) my house. I'm the eldest child, so Christmas dinner is always at my house. Last night, after working all day, she declared my house to be beyond hope for cleanliness by Christmas.......so dinner will be at my sister's.

I know this is for the best. I've been screaching at my kids for weeks to pick up their junk. My husband used to be more active in picking up/cleaning and getting our boys to work. Our pre-existing marital difficulties have really blown up this year, so now he's pretty useless.....except for paying the bills.

I'm just so frustrated.....mad at my body, mad at him, mad at my kids who are 11 and 13 and capable of picking up after themselves if they only tried. When I complain to family and friends, I get either "Oh, surely it's not that bad....just do a little every day" or "you sound depressed, maybe they should go up on your antideppressant"

I feel like I'm drowning and just getting deeper and deeper each day. I know that I could do a little more than I am doing, but I so don't like the pain that comes with it. I can handle pain that's a 7 that comes down to a 4/5 with meds and ice. I just can't handle doing more and being a 8/9/10 that only comes down to a 7 with meds and ice. My neuro doesn't want to go up on meds because I can be reasonably comfortable.....as long as i do nothing. I know that it's still much better than before I found this doc and was getting no relief.........but then my kids and husband did listen to me a bit more.

I know that "it is what it is" and things could be a lot worse (ie...if I could never go out or WC shut off payments) but I'm really in a "the glass is half empty" stage right now

Sooooooo.......please excuse the pity party, but I really needed to vent to someone who "get's it" and won't just give empty platitudes.

Ok, end rant
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Old 12-10-2007, 01:30 AM #2
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I just told the kids they will need to start doing their own laundry- and I didn't touch theirs anymore.
- when I was really hurting they did the bath towels too, but now I can do those again.

as far as kids bedrooms - that is their domain I only suggest a clean up once in awhile - but I don't touch it -they keep the doors closed LOL

Now kids are 17 & 20+ so no "toys" except cars, trucks and "projects" but they are outside LOL
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Old 12-10-2007, 10:10 AM #3
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My kids are not helpful unless I scream and yell. I find that when I give them a list, more things get accomplished. They kind of break the list apart and take certain chores. I usually do this when I have to go to work and they are home. They know it must be done before I get back. Things are usually never done exactly the way I like it but a great help. When they know they have a deadline it helps. Hope you feel better. Try to ignore the mess for now. Enjoy going out for your Christmas dinner and try to just enjoy your family. I think we are staying home this year on Christmas and hanging out in pj's. Sometimes too much hustle causes too much stress and pain. Feel better! Linda
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Old 12-10-2007, 10:21 AM #4
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There is a lot of pressure for everyone to pull off the "perfect" Christmas. Which for many of you is unrealistic. Set all those expectations aside. Go ahead and order gift online, order one of those pre-made dinners from the grocery store (I hear they make the turkey, mashed potatoes, everything...), dont go all out with decorating the house. After all, Christmas is only one short day and besides the holidays should be about spending time (not money!) with your friends and family, even if they are driving you crazy right now.

Hang in there!
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Old 12-10-2007, 04:13 PM #5
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I'll join in on the pitty party...lol. Maybe we should get together! I keep telling myself Christmas is not about shopping and how much you spend...event hough that's all you hear about on TV! Even my kids keep noticing that all they talk about on the first part of the news is how crowded the stores are. Christmas has lost it' s meaning. I don't have the money to spend this year and the kids truly understand. My husband and I bought for the kids but didn't go all out. I just want this year to be OVER! It does seem like I say that every year though. I hope 2008 will be better but I am not having high hopes.

Well I didn't go shopping this year and I'm not making my hundreds of cookies which is bothering me but oh well...what can I do. Not much I can do ...it stinks! I feel for you and all I can say is...things will get better...I hope.

I hope we can just get through this holiday season...honestly I think I could skip it but it's here and let's get through it....at least we are not alone.

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Wishing I could think more positive and be well again!
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Old 12-10-2007, 08:53 PM #6
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I can definitely relate to what you're going through, I think a lot of us are in a similar situation with not being able to do the things we normally do for the holidays and not having much money to spend because of our wonderful WC system. I'm sorry to hear that your husband isn't much help....that sure makes it rough. I went through that years ago when I had a lower back injury in a car accident & my husband was no help at all.....which was pretty much "the straw that broke the camel's back" & I divorced him.....the best decision I ever made!! Anyway....I guess what my point is....things will get better. Hang in there!
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Old 12-12-2007, 01:14 AM #7
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Thanks all,

I have chilled a lot. I just really had that "my best friend just died " feeling. Christmas has been the one day when I get to play suzie homemaker and get to get all of the thanks/praise for a job well done, so it just felt like such a loss. Hubby doesn't really like to socialize, so I get to have company pretty much only when his family is coming. Obviously, I can have people over anyhow....he just makes it difficult by refusing to help pick up and whining about it.

I kind of flipped out on them all Saturday night. I was debating all day when my folks were still here what to do. I had told the kids that cleaning for Christmas was to be my present. They blew it off the weekend after Thanksgiving and the next weekend. I considered telling them that they didn't give me my present so I wasn't going to give them any (13 and 11 , so they don't believe in Santa anymore and they know that my husband won't shop) but I knew that I couldn't really do that. I also knew that I had to do something pretty drastic to get through to them. I came up with the plan to take away their biggest presents (which we can't really afford anyhow, thanks WC). After my parents left, I went to my secret stash and took out my a laptop and an IOU for a cell phone and said "See, this is what you are no longer getting. You need to get serious about this before you lose out on more." They did start cleaning on Sunday

So now I am trying to look at the positives. I did overspend, but now my credit card will be $1000 lighter. More importantly, it woke the kids up a bit. Now I won't have to do all of the decorating to impress. No white glove cleaning. No huge grocery shop (thank god for home delivery !)We'll get to see the younger nephews and nieces in their homes with all of their toys. No cooking ! And even better....no cleaning up after !

KLS.......I hear ya hon ! Things came to a head for us back in February and I asked for a seperation. He said that I shouldn't be so sure that I would get the kids..........that I'm addicted to pain meds and some days can't get out of bed. I spoke to a divorce lawyer who understood the difference between requiring and being addicted to pain meds, but warned me that until I get to the point when I can drive my kids to all social activities and cook, etc, that there is a chance a judge would find in his favor. As much as they drive me insane some days.....I just can not take the chance of losing my sons.

So if anyone here can just wave that magic wand and fix us all up, I'd really appreciate it !

Thanks for listening to my rants
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Old 12-12-2007, 08:30 PM #8
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Default slightly off topic- chore assignments for kids

you know, i thought about ordering thanksgiving dinner- and didn't. Then on thanksgiving day i got pretty ****** at everyone when i couldn't get a little help, and the day went downhill from there. it was by far the worst holiday we've had as a family. Next time I have an inclination to order dinner i am doing it. My parents are coming for christmas and my mom loves to cook- so i think i am going to let her do most of it.

As for cleaning the house- my daughter get a list of two hours worth of chores every friday night or a normal weekend (if we are travelling, having company, soccer tourney or whatever else we get a smaller or no list) and she has until saturday afternoon to finish it. If she works quickly it is a 1-1.5 hour list, if she pokes along it can sometimes take all day, but that it the beauty of the list-if the chores are not done well enough she knows she will have to come back and redo it...so she doesn't slack too much either. If she wants to go out and do something with her friends she has to complete them before she goes, unless she makes arrangements with me to split them up (like if she wants to go out on friday night she has to do at least 1 thing...then finish saturday, but to go out saturday night they have to all be done)

If they don't get finished she gets no allowance or loses some privileges.

She also has a few smaller chores that are just done daily. She empties the D/W for me once per day, she empties all the house trash 2 times a week and takes the canse out to the curb on trash day, and she empties the compost once a day, thoguht that job is presently beign tranferred to her little brother. I think it is really important to make her pitch in. In return she gets a roof over her head, warm healthy food to eat, clothes to wear, her laundry done, club soccer, rides to and from soccer practices, games, goalie clinics, rides for outings, computers, cell phone, etc etc etc etc.

The best part of the list is that I can generally give her things that are the hardest for me like washing the kitchen floor. I also give ehr appropriate things like her bathroom. If I think she is going to blow chores off i give her her laundry as a chore since I do it normally. Then the only one to suffer if she does not do it is her.

Some days it takes more of my time to nag her about doing something than it would take to do it myself- but I keep at it hoping that it will change some day. In any case, nagging her is not very hard on my arms

In turn, on a weekend that she does get excused from chores, it feel like a gift...adn she genuiinely appreciates it. SHe also has a better understanding when i tell her that if she needs a favor, sometimes i need her help to replace the time I have to spend driving her or whatever it is, and she is hapy (and qualified) to help.

The other thing- quality control....if you are going to assign chores like cleaning the bathroom, write out the steps of everything that needs to be done and go over them with your kids before hand. that way when you say that it is not done to your satisfaction you can point on the list to where it says the mirrors must be streak free or that the floor must be swept/vacuumed or whatever. And, if you miss writing something that you know shoudl be a part of the chore, let it go the one time, but then clearly tell them you will be adding that detail to the list so they will have to do it next time.

Another bonus, when they do something really horrible or annoying and deserve to be grounded, you can assign chores as punishment instead or along with. My dad used to run a girls home when I was a teen and when you were on level 1 (the dog house level) for bad behavior you were not just restricted...you were working hard...cleaning toilets, washing floors, etc etc. I got the idea from him...and it is a great motivator for good behavior.

Just like our current society has made a mockery of christmas, it has also led our kids to believe they are entitled to so much.

ah well, sorry for my rant. my daughter and the chore system are really a big part of how i keep myself sane and the house in order. Having her help is a lot more than just having her help- it is also time during the weekend when I am not hassling her about a mess she is making somewhere, or taking her somewhere to meet friends or whatever. It is like the double jackpot. She also has a better appreciation of how not to mess things up since she knows how hard it is to clean up. I try to let her know how much it helps me so that sometimes, at least, she feels good about the contribution she is making.


i wish everyone a happy joy filled christmas, or whatever holiday you celebrate.

Johanna
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Old 12-13-2007, 01:04 AM #9
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Speaking of nagging... I got this in an email the other day and it pretty much sums up my life! Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxT5NwQUtVM
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