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Tuesdays with Jerry
By: Curt Smith and Jerry Parker, Journal Newspapers01/08/2008
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Journal freelance writer Curt Smith (right) has formed a bonded friendship with Jerry Parker, who has ALS, through their weekly visits.



After nearly three years volunteering as a peer counselor for Snohomish County Senior Services, I've learned not to be surprised when meeting a new client. Even though we receive a folder of information, there's always some uncertainty. I remember one of my assignments lasting for only one visit. When I returned for a second visit, I discovered my client had moved. However, most assignments last for six months, meeting no less than once a week in the client's home. Currently, I'm spending "Tuesdays with Jerry."


Jerry Parker has ALS, commonly known as Lou Gehrig's disease. Quite simply, Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS) is a motor neuron disease that slowly weakens the muscles, causing paralysis. The nerves throughout the body die, and there is no known cure. I knew this prior to meeting Jerry, and, while driving to his residence, I felt that familiar sense of uncertainty.

Peer counselors receive 40 hours of training prior to their first assignment. Topics covered range from stress management to dealing with chronic pain and isolation. While some counselors have prior experience, most are learning new techniques. They all have a common goal: to contribute to the well-being of seniors in their communities. Because of my career experience as a pastoral counselor, the subjects and techniques were not new, but using them again has opened the door to many wonderful and meaningful experiences.

Jerry lives in an adult family home. I was unfamiliar with the location, but when I turned onto his street, I saw newer homes and attractive landscapes. When I pulled into the driveway, I noticed that the house had been specifically designed as a care facility. There was a ramp for wheelchairs, wide doorways, many rooms, and an abundance of windows.

The owners greeted me and then introduced me to Jerry, who was sitting in his wheelchair, working a jigsaw puzzle. We exchanged some pleasantries and then went to his room for conversation. Like I said, I've learned not to be surprised when meeting a new client, but in this case everything exceeded my expectations. His care home is exceptional, and Jerry is quite a gentleman.

I'm 71 and he's 76, so we have some common threads of history. We are both from Iowa, served in the military, and have strong family values. In spite of the awkwardness of meeting one another under the circumstances of his illness and his need for constant care, we quickly discovered a rapport that allows us to talk freely about things that matter. I learned of the loss of his beloved wife, Lois, in 2003, and his diagnosis of ALS in 2005. He and Lois had shared 53 years together. They were married in 1950 while he was serving in the Army.

Jerry has lived in Lynnwood since 1999, when he and his wife purchased her parent's home following the death of her mother. "It's my real home," he explains. "It's where I keep my personal treasures and many fond memories." Presently, his oldest daughter lives in his house, and his children manage to take him there for weekly dinners, but his need for constant care prevents him from staying there. He and Lois were blessed with seven children, eight grandchildren and two great grandchildren. Most are living in the area. In addition to his family, he has a host of friends and still maintains contact with members of his 1949 high school graduating class.

In 2004, he attended a 17-week training program of the Citizen's Academy for the Lynnwood Police Department. After graduation, they asked him to join VIPS (Volunteers in Public Safety), where he worked until he could no longer drive. Joe Lebb, his volunteer partner, remains a trusted friend. He also met Dave Evers, the former assistant police chief, who has become a good friend.

One might expect great despair when burdened with a disease that slowly shuts down the muscles and nerves of the body, but Jerry has already taught me to take it a day at a time and to be thankful for the life I've been given. I've always thought of myself as a positive person, but he provides an even clearer perspective on seeing the glass as half-full.

"Faith is very important to me," he said. "None of us knows for sure what's ahead, but faith gives me the strength and courage to continue." He speaks fondly of his church, Saint Thomas Moore, and feels that the people in the parish are like an extended family. "My wife and I attended mass faithfully," he adds, "rarely missing a Sunday."

He has fond memories of his time with Lois, and it's easy to see his loneliness. As he's inclined to say, "Loneliness is a son-of-a-biscuit."

Spending time with Jerry is enjoyable. I look forward to our visits and have discovered that he's helping me as much as I hope I'm helping him. We've clarified expectations about the parameters of my visits, and he knows that sometime next year our conversations will end. But for the time being, we are making the best of the time we have.

Jerry's friends are very supportive. They routinely check on him by telephone and nearly every week one or two friends stop by. One friend, with whom he has much in common, is Chris Wedes, better known as JP Patches, a local TV celebrity, who has played a significant role in the lives of many Puget Sound residents.

"Nearly thirty years ago," Jerry explains, "my wife took our daughters to see JP Patches. She thoughtfully purchased his picture and had him sign it for me. 'It's for my husband,' she told him, 'and he just happens to have the same initials as you.' So, JP autographed the picture 'From JP to JP.'" It's one of Jerry's treasures, still hanging on the wall of his Lynnwood home.

He fondly tells of the day when he met Chris at the Museum of History and Industry. He took the autographed picture with him. When he showed it to Chris, he remembered it immediately. "That has to be at least thirty years old," he said, and Jerry agreed. It was the beginning of a lasting friendship with frequent contact and enjoyable visits.

While collaborating with Jerry on this article, one of his primary concerns was to share his experience with ALS and provide some firsthand information about the disease. He also wanted to express his appreciation for the Senior Peer Counseling program and our weekly visits.

"We've known about ALS since the 1800s when it was identified by Jean Martin Charcot, a French neurologist," Jerry explains, "but a cure still eludes us."

Before meeting Jerry, I knew little about the disease, but from my research, I've learned that public awareness of ALS increased dramatically in 1939, when Lou Gehrig, a famous baseball player for the New York Yankees, left the game with symptoms of the disease. Gehrig lived only two years after his diagnosis.

"My symptoms have been similar," Jerry explains. "The muscles in my legs grew weaker and I knew something was wrong."

His doctor referred him to Virginia Mason, where he was diagnosed in January 2005. "I was shocked and devastated," he said. "It literally changes everything."

Jerry knows that the progression of the disease will not stop, but hopes that an intervention will soon be discovered. "There's an urgent need to fund the research," he said, "and I hope that people who read this article will become advocates for stronger support of the research that's being done.

"Amyotrophic" literally means "no muscle nourishment." This is not a reference to food, but rather to the signals or messages sent by motor neurons in the brain and spinal cord to the muscles. Over time, there is shrinking and weakening of the muscles that leads to paralysis.

"It's good to know as much as you can about ALS," he adds, "but it's also difficult to learn the truth about what's ahead."

Jerry's ALS is affecting his legs and will slowly move to his upper body. He feels that knowing what will happen helps him understand and cope with the diagnosis, and personally, I think he's doing a good job of remaining hopeful. "You learn to take it one day at a time," he reminds me. This is his mantra, and it certainly seems like good advice to me.

If you want to learn more about ALS, visit www.alsa.org, or call 1-818-880-9006.

If you are interested in volunteering as a Senior Peer Counselor, visit http://www.sssc.org/social_services_...seniorpeer.htm or call (425) 290-1252

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