[southie]

This Thread is for the Bloopers and Blunders
and all that "Did I do daaaaat?" (mimics
Steve Urkel from Family Matters)

Don't be ashamed ... We've all done something
totally Rad and goofed .. and somehow, while
some have turned into a miracle, others have
turned into the garbage can with hopes no
one have noticed.

Feel free to post!

[southie]

My (deceased) Mother in Law
provided me a wonderful recipe for
Ham Salad with Miracle Whip. Since
we were summoned up at the last
minute for a uncalled for, Party for
the CEO (my ex at that time was
one of the lower end of the Corporate
at that time). I decided to make that
huge batch of Ham Salad in a hurry,
since it was QUICK and EASY!

Well being in the rush that I was,
having been just discharged from
the Hospital (due to Grand Mal aka
Tonic-clonic) ... my head wasn't all
in sync.

Everything was going "El perfecto",
UNTIL ... my mother in law arrived,
and I was in the shower, and she
tasted it - it was good - but there was
"Something different about it" was all
she could say, but she couldn't pinpoint
exactly what it was.

While we headed off to the Corporate
party - that Salad was gobbled down.
However, in my mother in law's head,
it was bugging her to death. She came
back the next morning; insisting that I
tell her what all I PUT IN HER SALAD!
(It was her recipe)

Well - everything was going fine ... until
I realized when I went into the Freezer
and pulled out the Cool Whip ...

I used Cool Whip instead of Miracle Whip!

My Mother in Law just about died laughing!
I never was so embarrassed in my life! My
(ex) husband was too afraid to show his face
to work on Monday - he was afraid there would
be "food poisoning" or something drastically
wrong ... it took a lot of his guts to show up
to work on Monday. He tried all he could to hide
and avoid people; but they actually wanted the
recipe! He didn't have a heart to tell them I
screwed it up... So he took his mom's recipe to
work and it was copied off ...

No matter WHAT - the employees there just
could not make it the same way I could.

(They never will ... Hopefully they won't!)

[MelodyL]

Oh, I'm soooo glad that you started this thread.

Here's my BLUNDER!!!

I was 24, in my own apartment, and I wanted to cook my boyfriend a nice roasting chicken. I bought the chicken (I have no idea if there was Perdue chickens 30 something years ago),

I held it under the faucet to clean it out (I've seen my mother do this).

I sprinkled salt all over it to clean it (I've seen my mother do this).

I poured Wish Bone Italian Salad Dressing all over the chicken (I've seen my mother do this).

I pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees. I put the chicken in the roasting pan and I put it in the oven.

30 minutes later, my boyfriend runs over to me screaming "the chicken is on fire". I said "what are you talking about, Chicken's don't go on fire"

He replied "Well, THIS CHICKEN IS ON FIRE!!!!"

I slowly approach the over and sure enough, MY CHICKEN IS IN FLAMES.

Not knowing whether or not to throw water into the oven, I just opened the oven grabbed a pot holder, and grabbed the pan and dumped the whole thing in my kitchen sink. My boyfriend is looking at the chicken and said:

"Melody, what is inside the chicken??" I said "Nothing is inside the chicken"

He says "there's a paper bag inside of your chicken".

I looked at him like he has lost his mind, then I looked at my chicken and sure enough there is a paper bag inside of my chicken.

I had no idea what this was. I grabbed the paper bag and these THINGS FALL OUT. I started to scream, I called up my mother (who had moved to Florida) and she laughed so hard I think she pulled a muscle.

She said and I quote: "Didn't you take the bag of gizzards out of the chicken before you cooked it"???

I said "BAG OF WHAT??"

Well, after she stopped laughing, she explained that when they sell a raw chicken, they take the livers and the gizzards and the neck and they put them in a paper bag and stuff them inside the chicken.

Well, (and to this day I don't think I'm wrong).

Where the heck does it say (when you buy a raw chicken) "LOOK INSIDE, THERE'S A PAPER BAG FILLED WITH GIZZARDS AND STUFF".

Believe me, the next day when I went to work on the Express bus, and I told the story to my friend sitting next to me on the bus, well, ever see 42 people on a bus laughing their heads off???

[karousel]

When I was a teenager I made boxed scallop potatoes. I forgot to add the water! My family still teases me about it.

Love the chicken story!!!!

[MelodyL]

First experience with making spaghetti (true story).

I was 18. Wanted to make spaghetti. Bought a box of Ronzoni No. 2 Spaghetti.

Followed directions that were on the back of the box.

It said :

Bring large pot of water to a rolling boil. Drop in Spaghetti, cook 12 to 13 minutes or until al dente (whatever the heck al dente was).

So what does Melody do?? She puts a big pot of water on the stove. She brings it to a rolling boil. She takes the box of spaghetti and she puts the box in the water.

Know what happens to a box of spaghetti in a big pot of water???

Not pretty!!!!

No where did it say on the box 'TAKE OUT SPAGHETTI AND DROP INTO WATER"

[watsonsh]

Ok, so I had this boyfriend and I wanted to make him a fancy dinner.

So I preparing all day while he watched football.

For dessert I was making a home made custard topped with a carmel cage.

So carmel is easy to make and you just had to drip strings of it all over a ladle to form the cage then let it dry.

So I did all that and then tried to get the cage off. Well carmel can be very sharp so...after a trip to the emergency for 6 stitches to close a carmel wound on my hand we finally ate dinner.

[Darlene]

This happen a long time ago. My DH was going to classes in the daytime and working evening hours. So I would fix him some to eat when got home. We live in a small duplex and our daughter, less than a yesr slept in the room next to the kitchen and always had to be very quiet not to wake her. Anyway I was making him pancakes from scatch, instead of adding vanilla I added red food coloring. HE did get a big laugh out of them, and they were good.

Darlene

[tamiloo]

Oh my gosh...this is just my first installment of blunders...here goes...

I had been doing some canning...pickles...yummo. Well, I had a put salt in a canister because it gave me easy access to all the salt I needed. Later that evening my prior husband was making Cool Aide and didn't know that the canister he had grabbed was full of salt...yikes!! After he stirred it up he poured a big glass full and started to down it and well, you all know the rest of the story. Ick!!

[lor]

One evening my dh & I went to dinner at a very nice restaurant & had Amaretto Cheesecake for dessert & absolutely loved it. Later I decided to make one. We bought a box of instant cheesecake & some amaretto. I had the other ingrediants at home. I made the cheesecake & we could have gotten drunk. I forgot you have to cook the booze to get rid of the alcohol.

[MelodyL]

Alan and I were married for a few months when I asked him "how come you don't cook?" He said "of course I cook". I said "I've never seen you pick up a pan since we've been married!!!"

He replies; "Well, I know how to make scrambed eggs".

I said 'make them right now"

He said "no problem".

He takes two eggs, puts them in a bowl, and takes the egg beater and scrambles them up.

I give him a pan.

He says "I don't know how to turn on the stove, turn it on for me".

(NOW LADIES AND GENTS, YOU DO KNOW THAT WHEN WE COOK, WE HAVE TO CONSTANTLY LOWER AND RAISE THE HEAT WHEN COOKING EGGS, RIGHT???).

Well Alan puts the frying pan over the burner, (it's on high by the way).

He looks at me and sheepishly says "I don't know how to operate a stove, so here is how I make the scrambled eggs".

And there is my Alan, in my kitchen, standing in front of my stove, holding a frying pan filled with raw scrambled eggs

HOW IS HE COOKING THE EGGS???

By raising and lowering the pan as he scrambles them in the pan. He would bring the frying pan and put it on top of the burner, then he would raise it slightly, so the eggs wouldn't burn, then he would raise it more, Now the pan is up in the air!!

And that's how he cooked the eggs. By raising and lowering the frying pan (up in the air, and down again).

After I picked up my jaw from the floor, I laughed my head off.

Now you might be asking. "how come Alan never learned to cook??"

Well, he was married for 3 months when he was 24 years old. He was in the army. He came back to find everything wiped out of the bank account, the door locks changed and he had to go and move back in with his father.

His father did not cook. His mom had died, so THERE WAS NO ONE TO COOK FOR THEM. So they ate out at every meal.

When Alan got his own apartment, he decided o become a cook. He went out and bought pans, pots, utensils, and hamburger meat. He decided to cook himself a hamburger. He was 25 years old.

So he figures out how to turn on the stove. He takes the hamburger patty, puts it on the frying pan, and because he didn't know how to raise and lower the temperature on the stove, he did his UP IN THE AIR THING.

Took him 30 minutes. After eating the hamburger, he realized that he had a sinkful of dirty dishes, pots and pans and utensils.

What did he do? He told me he said out loud: "This is not for me".

He threw everything in the garbage and from that moment on, he ate every meal out.

He found me (an italian cook ...BOY DID HE HIT THE JACKPOT OR WHAT??)when he was 32.

The rest is history.

But he does help me mix up stuff in the kitchen. He puts the tea kettle on to make his tea. He uses a match to light the burner.

And he knows how to use a microwave.

But if this guy was not married, he'd be eating out every meal. He'd also weigh over 300 lbs. lol