[trixlynn]

I really do not know what to do about this. I have been clinically depressed since before 1995. I have been taking anti-depressants since then. I found that they were helpful in controling my mood and my patience levels.
Now, however, I cannot seem to control my temper. I have no patience. My poor kids just act like kids and I scream and yell. Not all of the time, but often enough that I am starting to get concerned.
I am going to talk to the doctor, but I wonder if any of you are facing this? Could this be a part of the grieving process from losing my former life? I know that I have gone through a lot of the other steps. I spent a long while on the denial area of things. So much so that I feel that I made things worse.(My Dr. says I didn't)
I just am so tired of being angry, short-tempered, etc. I feel like my integrity flies out the window every time I get upset. The one thing I have tried to keep since this whole thing started.
I also find that I am more depressed.
Am I a crazy person? Does anyone else "get it"?

[MooseasaurusRex]

Yes. I do.

It's hard to keep it all in check. But a key point is recognizing what's going on. And then being brave enough to ask for help. I started out on 20mg Paxil 6 years ago. A full year before dx with the MS. I now take 40mg and 1 mcg of Clonezapam. (So much has happened in the last 6 years).

I don't like knowing I need pills to cope with things...

But I don't like who I am without them.

[Jomar]

oh Trix, it could even be hormonal ? or even lack of vitamins? {maybe some B stress complex }
possibly even some nutrient absorption problems?
maybe doc can run a full blood work up to check levels of hormones and vitamins.

[mtnmom]

Trix - When you feel yourself about to 'loose it' take a moment to step away from the situation, take a deep breath and quickly evaluate how to handle the given situation. I find that this helps quite a bit, at home and at work.

Sometimes, at home, I find myself yelling for everyone to shut up and end up being louder than anyone was to begin with!!

[LinJane]

Trix, I know exactly what you mean. After I scream at everyone is when I then evaluate the situation, I agree you should take yourself out of the situation and calm down before you get too upset. I have 4 kids who at any moment can push my buttons. I try to leave the room, go in my room or somewhere else to breath and calm.

Maybe your doc just needs to adjust your meds.

Good luck and, you are NOT alone. Everyone has day to day stresses but TOS can make things worse. Linda

[beth]

May be that the med you are on is no longer effective. I started out on Effexor - it was great for a while, but after a year or so I found myself very depressed again, thoughts of harming myself, constant mood swings. My stress was also sky high and the Effexor just wasn't working any more. Dr. switched me to Cymbalta which has worked really well for me and helps somewhat take the edge off the nerve pain as well.

I am on 60 mgs 2x day, which is max dose, but between severe pain, depression and messed-up sleep, is what need in order to stay on an even keel. I feel much better about myself, life in general, and enjoy my family more - and I'm sure they enjoy me more too!

beth

[DiMarie]

Originally Posted by trixlynn

I really do not know what to do about this. I have been clinically depressed since before 1995. I have been taking anti-depressants since then. I found that they were helpful in controling my mood and my patience levels.
Now, however, I cannot seem to control my temper. I have no patience. My poor kids just act like kids and I scream and yell. Not all of the time, but often enough that I am starting to get concerned.
I am going to talk to the doctor, but I wonder if any of you are facing this? Could this be a part of the grieving process from losing my former life? I know that I have gone through a lot of the other steps. I spent a long while on the denial area of things. So much so that I feel that I made things worse.(My Dr. says I didn't)
I just am so tired of being angry, short-tempered, etc. I feel like my integrity flies out the window every time I get upset. The one thing I have tried to keep since this whole thing started.
I also find that I am more depressed.
Am I a crazy person? Does anyone else "get it"?

Trix your not crazy, we all have our limits and for sure TOS, doctors and restrictive life style affect it.

I went the Paxil, prozac and effexor a few years into the grieving my life...then I was seeing a psych that dealth with primarily chronic pain patients exactly the eotions you describe....
I worked with him in venting, biofeedback, and also learning the tummy deep breathing from the high chest area aggrivates TOS, limits the amount of breath intake too. Feel your hand on your low tummy below the belly button, twice a day or at least once, for ten minutes.
I had and do have a tendency to hunch y shoulders raise the up and tense the chest and breath a low chest tight way....I a in a fight or flight mode and need to get out of it to get rid of the flares of temper, anger, plane old frustration coming out.

A second thing I did was what do I do for myself, for socialization, for inteclectual sstiulation, to not feel useless and even entertain yslef.

Years ago I started scrap booking, not elaborate, but a nice set and am happy with it. Then I did genenology, serfing the web software progra to fill in and make trees, and created even a family album.....

Then I went back to college and finished my BA. That was one of the costliest but best investents in me. challanging, I excelled, even at 50 it was rewarding. Any course interest would be nice. start a small online aybe microsoft or HP software one.

The other thing, I joined aonthly meeting of the local recereation board. I have become a chairhead for a new program for children afterschool center.
It is not that we have to over load our self, but do something....

I work, three days four hours....I have to force my self to get a move on and shower to get to the chamber meetings once a month for a lunch meeting because it is "easier to sit home." I have a one night a month and lots of research for the rec program, "my baby."

I can be consumed in my grief. But thank goodness for this forum and my cyber friends.....I get snail mail from a great person that loves writing, the PM's to chek in or share information with each other. It is a challange to NOT be consumed in my loss.......loss of my police chief job I worked YEARS to attain, loss of income, loss of ability to keep my home nice,
Even the loss of being happy again......

I have to set short goals, do something I feel good about, even if during the week I have a bad day, cry for no more then 10 minutes.
Everyday a few tears slip by, but tummy breathing, I did start Lexapro last year and That IS the only med that has helped, and i DID notice its help. Not cure, but help.
Sorry for being long, but this chornic ongoing pain and loss of our "self is tough challanges....
di

[dabbo]

trix- you're not crazy.... we can only take so much, and being in pain all the time frays your nerves. mtnmom makes a great point- taking a step back (when i can) works. there is a book with alot of relaxation techniques called Managing Pain Before It Manages You. also, gibbrn has a hypnosis dvd that is great.....

[trixlynn]

Thank you all for your responses. I saw the Dr. yesterday and he feels that the anger is part of both the depression and the pain.
The Dr.'s are saying that I will be at this level or worse for the rest of my life unless I agree to a scar tissue surgery. While I have great respect for my Dr.s I can honestly say I don't believe that the surgery will do anything for me.
I started having a return of symptoms 10 months after the 1st surgery. Who is to say that surgery will not make me worse off than I am now. So, the way I see it is there are 3 possiblities with the surgery, get better, get worse, remain the same. I just don't like the odds. Unless someone can offer me anything different I guess this is it.
I suppose now I have to figure how to move on, and be at peace with this.
Trix