Social Chat This is a place for daily chit-chat and other discussions that are not directly related to a neurological or mental health issue.


advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-02-2008, 10:14 AM #1
kinch52's Avatar
kinch52 kinch52 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 88
15 yr Member
kinch52 kinch52 is offline
Junior Member
kinch52's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 88
15 yr Member
Help I need your advice/help, please.

I know you guys don't know me that well so, a little background before the question. Hang on, I think this is going to be long!!!

I am in a deep financial mess. Being this far in debt really stresses me out, I've always tried to live on the "if you can't afford it, don't buy it rule". But, life circumstances sometimes gets in the way.

Over the last 5 years I've gone from very comfortable to this. Part because of huge medical expenses, part bad decisions & part because in the last 3 years, I've lost two of my fur babies to cancer & one to kidney disease. My remaining dog broke the ACL in both knees last year & that was expensive. Then there's the upkeep on my house. I've charged it all & knew it was going to come up & bite me in the butt.

The breaking point is that I got a call from my Internist Monday after some tests last week & it looks like I have something funky happening in my left lung. I've had a nodule there for a year or so & we've been watching it. It's just sort of been there with no problems but it looks like it's tripled in size in the last 6 months. Am I worried about the growth, not in the least because all I care hear in my head is, oh carp, I'm going to need this test *$$$*, a biopsy *$$$$*, treatment *$$$$$*, etc.

So, I have decided to sell my house. I'm lucky in this awful housing market because I live in a very well established neighborhood that is only 11 miles from downtown Dallas. I spoke with a realtor yesterday & she said that the property values have continued to rise where I live. I can sell my house, pay off all my debt & still have a nice little nest egg left over.

To me, it makes sense. No more property taxes, home insurance, paying someone to do the lawn, constant home repairs (the house is 50 years old) & not having to worry about cleaning a 2,000 sq foot home (which is tough for a clean freak with no energy). After I sell my house, I am planning on renting an apartment so I won't have to worry about all the stuff that comes with keeping up a house.

So, here's where I need the advice. I told my daughter & SIL my plans the other night & they freaked out. My daughter cried & said I shouldn't do it because I had put so much into the house. She was also worried about the fact that I take care of my grandson when she works & that she was worried about him being in an apartment environment.....I politely told her to use daycare. My SIL said I was being rash & selfish, he had planned on his family inheriting my house when I was gone. I, again, politely said, "bite me, I'm only 55 & not dead yet & wasn't asking your permission". I know, I'm not very diplomatic.

I have made some really poor decisions in the last 5 years because of cog fog, being sick or just going with my emotions & I'm kind of scared that I'm not thinking clearly. But, I think this is a logical alternative to panicing daily over money. I can't take the stress & if I do have something seriously wrong, I would rather put my energy in to getting healthy than worrying about money.

Whew...ok, I know, long winded. So, my question is, am I being too emotional, rash & not thinking this out or am I making a logical, realistic decision? Your advice is more than welcome! I really need it.
__________________
Michelle
kinch52 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote

advertisement
Old 04-02-2008, 10:29 AM #2
Snoopy's Avatar
Snoopy Snoopy is offline
Magnate
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 2,280
15 yr Member
Snoopy Snoopy is offline
Magnate
Snoopy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 2,280
15 yr Member
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by kinch52 View Post
My SIL said I was being rash & selfish, he had planned on his family inheriting my house when I was gone. I, again, politely said, "bite me, I'm only 55 & not dead yet & wasn't asking your permission". I know, I'm not very diplomatic.
That's what I like about you, Michelle

In your place I believe I would do the same thing. No matter how many years, work, sweat and money we put into our homes in the end it's an "item" that if needed can give us much needed money and sometimes freedom when sold.

I think your being realistic.
__________________
Dx RRMS 1984
Snoopy is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
hollym (04-02-2008), kinch52 (04-02-2008), Kitt (04-03-2008)
Old 04-02-2008, 10:30 AM #3
AfterMyNap's Avatar
AfterMyNap AfterMyNap is offline
Wise Elder
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Right here. Duh.
Posts: 9,213
15 yr Member
AfterMyNap AfterMyNap is offline
Wise Elder
AfterMyNap's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Right here. Duh.
Posts: 9,213
15 yr Member
Default

Well, Michelle, I have to say, we have the same thoughts as far as your family's reaction. I was struck by the remark, "but you've put so much into it...", yeah! you have! and now you're going to get something out of it!

If I were in your shoes, I would most definitely do the same thing. I agree with all your reasons and would urge you to sit down with a financial planner to budget your boon so you'll be set for the rest of your life.

The house is a house, your life is your life and it's yours!

And man! I hope this lung thing is just a benign anomaly!

P.S. Don't pay cash outright for your medical bills anymore. Go to the billing department and tell them you are a cash patient and need a payment plan. They can magically lower the cost of most everything and will accept no-interest payments most of the time.
__________________
—Cindy

For every day I choose to play,
I set aside a day to pay.
—AMN


"Sometimes plastic wrap just won't cling, no matter how much money you put in the meter."

—From the Book of True Wizdom
AfterMyNap is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
DM (04-02-2008), Jomar (04-02-2008), kinch52 (04-02-2008)
Old 04-02-2008, 10:33 AM #4
tovaxin_lab_rat's Avatar
tovaxin_lab_rat tovaxin_lab_rat is offline
Elder
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 7,009
15 yr Member
tovaxin_lab_rat tovaxin_lab_rat is offline
Elder
tovaxin_lab_rat's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 7,009
15 yr Member
Default

Good advice Michelle.
__________________
Cheryl
Dx: MS 2001 CRPS 2009




“When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” - Henry Ford
tovaxin_lab_rat is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
kinch52 (04-02-2008)
Old 04-02-2008, 12:50 PM #5
weegot5kiz's Avatar
weegot5kiz weegot5kiz is offline
Elder Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 11,805
15 yr Member
weegot5kiz weegot5kiz is offline
Elder Member
weegot5kiz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 11,805
15 yr Member
Default

i think your are being very smart in your decision . it seems well thought out and your reasons are good. the others are almost sentimental, yours are long term end result, we tried chapt 13 and still almost lost this house if you can recoop enough to save your BACON I say do cause thats what we are doing here we got control of our house again fixing it up repairing and get the money aspect back in our favor we are selling. yes it will kill me my babies grew up here broke bones here played here but part of it is moving on



walks away singing .... i'll follow the sun.........
__________________

.


History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme.............................Mark Twain



.
.......
.
...
.
weegot5kiz is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
kinch52 (04-02-2008)
Old 04-02-2008, 05:14 PM #6
Koala77's Avatar
Koala77 Koala77 is offline
Legendary
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 12,030
15 yr Member
Koala77 Koala77 is offline
Legendary
Koala77's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 12,030
15 yr Member
Default

Hi Kinch.

I'm so very sorry to hear about your worries, especially the lung nodule.

To me it makes pefect sense to sell your house, because it's exactly what DH and I did under similar circumstances.

There's the odd occassion where I miss not having our own home, but I have no real regrets. It was the most sensible thing to do in the circumstances.

There are advantages to leasing. For us it costs far less than our mortgage repayments did. We have no rates or repair bills to pay, and whenever we felt like a change of scenery, we simply move.

Don't forget Kinch, this is only a house that you're talking about and a house does not necessarily make a home. A home is where your heart is, where your belongings are, and where you invite your friends and family. It can be anywhere at all.

I think your DD & SIL are being very selfish. It seems they're more interested in your babysitting ability and their own gain than in your well being.

My own sister is also selfish like that. She complained very bitterly recently, and cited as one of the reasons she refuses to visit me, as being because I've set up my spare BR as a nursery for our grandson when he visits. There's no big comfy bed in there any more for her and her DH, and she was angry when she said she refuses to pay for a night's accommodation anywhere! (like we do when we go visiting).

Try not to let your family dissuade you if you make up your mind to sell. DH and I have never looked back since we made that decision. We do have a lovely home, but we don't own a house any more, and I don't know where we'd be now had we not done what we did.

I do hope your lung worries are unfounded
__________________
Eastern Australian Daylight Savings Time
and
my temperature


.

Koala77 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
DM (04-02-2008), kinch52 (04-02-2008)
Old 04-02-2008, 05:53 PM #7
kinch52's Avatar
kinch52 kinch52 is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 88
15 yr Member
kinch52 kinch52 is offline
Junior Member
kinch52's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 88
15 yr Member
Default

Thanks everyone! Especially for reading my long winded post!!!!

Thanks for all the support & advice. I'm glad you guys think I'm on the right track. I so agree with what you guys said about a home isn't a house, it's where you are happy & comfortable. I've always put a lot more value in my loved ones than things so, it's not too hard for me to let go of my house.

I met with the realtor today & we came up with a good price. I told her I'd give her my final decision by Monday. And, my daughter is coming around. She was here for support & apologized. My SIL.....he's another story but I just told him he's not allowed to talk to me about it, end of story. You'd think he'd learn by now, wouldn't ya?!

As for the lung thing, I am not worrying about it until I need too. Luckily, I have other things to keep my mind on!

Again, thanks so much. I really needed your help today, I just a tad bit emotional.
__________________
Michelle
kinch52 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
AfterMyNap (04-02-2008), DM (04-02-2008), KarenMarie (04-02-2008), Koala77 (04-02-2008), tovaxin_lab_rat (04-02-2008)
Old 04-02-2008, 06:06 PM #8
Bobbi's Avatar
Bobbi Bobbi is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,851
15 yr Member
Bobbi Bobbi is offline
Senior Member
Bobbi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,851
15 yr Member
Default

I would sell... no doubt about it, given all the factors you've shared and your reasons for considering listing your house.


If you've had pneumonia, and it can go un-noticed or undetected by a person (I've a friend who just went through it and didn't know she even had it while her doc did but failed to notify her as soon as he made the discovery), lesions - sp? - or nodules can also appear in films.
__________________
".... This world wasn't built for people in wheelchairs ...."

.
Bobbi is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
kinch52 (04-02-2008)
Old 04-02-2008, 07:04 PM #9
Kitty's Avatar
Kitty Kitty is offline
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Deep South
Posts: 21,576
15 yr Member
Kitty Kitty is offline
Wisest Elder Ever
Kitty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Deep South
Posts: 21,576
15 yr Member
Default

I was in very much the same situation as you are in now. I couldn't keep up with the adjustable rate mortgage on my home. It was too much house and yard (and there was a pool, too!) for me to take care of alone.

I'm leasing a home now and have no doubt I did the right thing. This house is as much my "home" as the other place was - the only difference is that I can actually enjoy this place since I don't have the mountain of debt hanging over my head.

Home ownership has it's advantages but not always. My stress level has been greatly reduced.

Good luck to you Michelle - I think you're doing the right thing.
__________________
These forums are for mutual support and information sharing only. The forums are not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. Always consult your doctor before trying anything you read here.
Kitty is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
kinch52 (04-03-2008), Koala77 (04-02-2008)
Old 04-02-2008, 07:52 PM #10
peachyplane's Avatar
peachyplane peachyplane is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: tx
Posts: 28
15 yr Member
peachyplane peachyplane is offline
Junior Member
peachyplane's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: tx
Posts: 28
15 yr Member
Default

hey lady!

being "house poor" for the sake of holding on to something you can no longer manage makes no sense to me. i say cash in and carry on with whatever makes you happy. those that love you will benefit regardless of what they "think" now good to see you again btw!




Quote:
Originally Posted by kinch52 View Post
I know you guys don't know me that well so, a little background before the question. Hang on, I think this is going to be long!!!

I am in a deep financial mess. Being this far in debt really stresses me out, I've always tried to live on the "if you can't afford it, don't buy it rule". But, life circumstances sometimes gets in the way.

Over the last 5 years I've gone from very comfortable to this. Part because of huge medical expenses, part bad decisions & part because in the last 3 years, I've lost two of my fur babies to cancer & one to kidney disease. My remaining dog broke the ACL in both knees last year & that was expensive. Then there's the upkeep on my house. I've charged it all & knew it was going to come up & bite me in the butt.

The breaking point is that I got a call from my Internist Monday after some tests last week & it looks like I have something funky happening in my left lung. I've had a nodule there for a year or so & we've been watching it. It's just sort of been there with no problems but it looks like it's tripled in size in the last 6 months. Am I worried about the growth, not in the least because all I care hear in my head is, oh carp, I'm going to need this test *$$$*, a biopsy *$$$$*, treatment *$$$$$*, etc.

So, I have decided to sell my house. I'm lucky in this awful housing market because I live in a very well established neighborhood that is only 11 miles from downtown Dallas. I spoke with a realtor yesterday & she said that the property values have continued to rise where I live. I can sell my house, pay off all my debt & still have a nice little nest egg left over.

To me, it makes sense. No more property taxes, home insurance, paying someone to do the lawn, constant home repairs (the house is 50 years old) & not having to worry about cleaning a 2,000 sq foot home (which is tough for a clean freak with no energy). After I sell my house, I am planning on renting an apartment so I won't have to worry about all the stuff that comes with keeping up a house.

So, here's where I need the advice. I told my daughter & SIL my plans the other night & they freaked out. My daughter cried & said I shouldn't do it because I had put so much into the house. She was also worried about the fact that I take care of my grandson when she works & that she was worried about him being in an apartment environment.....I politely told her to use daycare. My SIL said I was being rash & selfish, he had planned on his family inheriting my house when I was gone. I, again, politely said, "bite me, I'm only 55 & not dead yet & wasn't asking your permission". I know, I'm not very diplomatic.

I have made some really poor decisions in the last 5 years because of cog fog, being sick or just going with my emotions & I'm kind of scared that I'm not thinking clearly. But, I think this is a logical alternative to panicing daily over money. I can't take the stress & if I do have something seriously wrong, I would rather put my energy in to getting healthy than worrying about money.

Whew...ok, I know, long winded. So, my question is, am I being too emotional, rash & not thinking this out or am I making a logical, realistic decision? Your advice is more than welcome! I really need it.
peachyplane is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
kinch52 (04-03-2008)
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
New here, in need of some advice. Missa New Member Introductions 2 12-18-2007 08:37 AM
please i need some advice dagm131 Spinal Disorders & Back Pain 12 11-04-2007 01:19 PM
Need advice withmore Layoffs, Unemployment and Worker's Compensation 4 09-23-2007 05:25 PM
MVD soon/advice blackberrymagoo Trigeminal Neuralgia 4 04-28-2007 10:26 PM
Need advice!!! cumene Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD and CRPS) 8 04-18-2007 07:11 PM


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:56 AM.

Powered by vBulletin • Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

vBulletin Optimisation provided by vB Optimise v2.7.1 (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2024 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
 

NeuroTalk Forums

Helping support those with neurological and related conditions.

 

The material on this site is for informational purposes only,
and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment
provided by a qualified health care provider.


Always consult your doctor before trying anything you read here.