[Bannet]

If someone you knew came begging for your help or desperately trying to seek answers because she was being abused (verbal, emotional. rough handling) how would you react???

What would you expect from the person you are trying to help?

This person was given so many resources, advice, a shoulder to cry on, ideas,and opportunities which as far as I know was poo pood or she was unable to do this or that at this time

When I acknowledged this and asked why not? I was censored and was frowned upon.

I felt that this person reeled everyone in and then cut the line. All these people felt sorry for her, worried about her, prayed for her and then all of a sudden She says it's not that bad!!! whuh!!!

I called her out! This person constantly does this. Am I the only person that sees this????

Anyway I am a normally calm nonconfrontational person

I let her know that I felt it wrong to worry so many people and questioned why it happened. I just wanted an explanation.

Again I was sensored. Dog gone it!!

I feel like a rebel now

Abuse is Abuse in my book and it's a very strong word and if you aren't being abused, don't say you are

Would love some opinions

What do you think


* im a good girl.....im a good girl...im a good girl

[AfterMyNap]

I've seen that before too, Bethie. It seems like there are people in this world whose only "joy" is in getting attention from others. It has to be a horrible place inside and it seems like the void can never be filled.

A friend of mine is in a similar jam, she hates her job, she hated the job before this one, everyone she works with is a jerk,.... bottom line is, she hates to work! How can we help someone who won't be helped???

[Girlie Girl]

I agree! Abuse is abuse!

I think some people just like the attention and the "oh poor you" reaction.

I guess the only suggestion I can make is listen and be there if the s*** hits the fan for real. I know it is difficult to listen to it all over and over again. Someone is not going to accept help if they don't think they need it. If the friendship is that important to you, then you will be there. If it is not, then do you really need the constant worry?

[braingonebad]

Sounds like she's a little bit of a drama queen and boyfriend/husband probably did go overboard some - some verbal abuse or rough handling. At the time she was really in a stte. But you know how it is... it wasn't enough, after sleeping on it, to make her want to leave. To give up her home.

Leaving is hard, splitting up the stuff, finding a new place, finding a new man.

Maybe in the light of day she thinks she still loves him, he really didn't mean it and mostly he's pretty good to her.

And now she wants to downplay what happened. And other girlfriends will go along with her charade - that's how some girlfriends are, and how they want you to be for them. I'm just now getting that - not really, I don't really get it lol.

You be you in this though. Do you still like this woman? I doubt she meant any harm to you. Tell her if you are confused by her actions and worried for her, that shoving this under the rug is not the way to solve it. Suggest couples therapy, and wishe her luck.

[AfterMyNap]

Originally Posted by Girlie Girl

I agree! Abuse is abuse!

I think some people just like the attention and the "oh poor you" reaction.

I guess the only suggestion I can make is listen and be there if the s*** hits the fan for real. I know it is difficult to listen to it all over and over again. Someone is not going to accept help if they don't think they need it. If the friendship is that important to you, then you will be there. If it is not, then do you really need the constant worry?

So true, Girlie. The thing is, when a person spends her lifetime "crying wolf", how on earth are we supposed to know when it's the real thing? I was once actively involved in domestic abuse rescue and when you see the terror in that woman's eyes, there is no mistaking it. I honestly believe that there are people who exaggerate their situation just to get that "oh poor you" reaction. They just can't seem to get enough of it.

[Riverwild]

I think maybe it's a way of pondering all available options...kind of like making a list and seeking input in case there's an option that wasn't thought of by that person.

The person seeks advice, takes in all suggestions, gives testimony as to why some suggestions will not work, decides whether or not the situation is really as bad as it was made out to be when the advice was sought, thinks about what might be lost if any of the suggestions are followed, and then decides what to do.

Abuse is wrong no matter what form it takes. The person in question has to acknowledge that it IS abuse and make the first move. No one can do it for that person. I think maybe the person is seeing that and hoping things will change, but preparing to do something about it if there is no change.


Or at least I hope so...Just my take...Does this make sense?

[Kitty]

I know what you mean Beth. Some people just like the attention that "crying wolf" gives them - even if it's for a brief period of time.

But when you offer up suggestions that might mean some sort of change for them they back away - or make excuses. I've seen it happen before.

Don't get yourself all stressed out about it. If - and when - they need true help they will have a hard time finding it because nobody will believe them anymore. It's sad but true.

Save your friendship for someone who won't abuse it.....

[tkrik]

I agree with AMN and Girlie, abuse is abuse.

However, not knowing the full situation I can't really say it is for attention. The abuser may be playing mind games with her. It is all too common. She will talk about the abuse but because of the verbal and emotional abuse she will not take action until she's had enough. Sometimes the fear of what the abuser will do is more than enough to keep someone in the relationship.

I learned some of this by being in a very verbally abusive relationship. Although I got out before the physical stuff happened (and it would have). Abusers play mind games that you are completely unaware of.

For now you can only listen. Offering advice will do no good until she is ready to accept it. Encourage her to seek counseling (my priest helped me see that and made recommendations). Also, pat yourself on the back for being there to listen and help. You are a good girl.

[soxmom]

Ya know Beth, I once was in a very abusive relationship. I spoke of it
to noone. I was ashamed, embarrassed, stuck and confused. I really
think that this person is looking for attention because what could you
or I really do anyway??????

When I was ready, I called someone close and left with my two babies in the
middle of the night. No shouting out for help and then refusing it. I
think all people leave when they are ready.

There is nothing you could do...... and yes, I think you are a good person.

[Bannet]

I understand everything that you have all written but the problem I have is when the person uses words like I desperately need your help or I am begging you! Those are scary words. They sound helpless so of course you want to do everything you can for them but then they come back with Oh it's really not that bad or he didn't deliberately abuse me I for one must question that person. What is real and what is not.

Why get so many of your friends panties in a bunch and then turn around and tell them life isn't that badhuh???

I feel my emotions as well as other peoples emotions were abused!