[momXseven]

At 1st I was hoping he was just having a hard time getting over his surgery but it's clear now he's depressed. It's 3pm and he still want get out of bed, if he's not at work he's in bed or yelling at the kids.

I see the Dr tomorrow and he's going with me so I can tell the Dr what's been going on but right now I just feel like tomorrow is too far off.

I tried to tell him I thought he was depressed and I just got yelled at that "He just hurts", well he might still hurt but it's more than just pain he's dealing with and he doesn't believe me.

I'm having a really hard time right now with my SX and dealing with 7 kids ALL DAY long and taking care of DH but now to add this on top I'm just not sure I can handle anything else.

[Jodylee]

I'm sorry Julie . Life is just overwhelming sometimes. I was out of the loop for a while so I don't know what type of surgery he had. Is he on pain meds or anything?

[momXseven]

Originally Posted by joellelee2000

I'm sorry Julie . Life is just overwhelming sometimes. I was out of the loop for a while so I don't know what type of surgery he had. Is he on pain meds or anything?

Thanks,
He had hernia surgery (about 10in right down the front of his belly) and this was the 3rd time to fix this same place. It's been just over 6 weeks. He is on pain pills (vicodin) , only has 2 left tho and valium.

[Jodylee]

Originally Posted by momXseven

Thanks,
He had hernia surgery (about 10in right down the front of his belly) and this was the 3rd time to fix this same place. It's been just over 6 weeks. He is on pain pills (vicodin) , only has 2 left tho and valium.

Holy carp Julie! You better call the doc for a vicodin refill! If he's in a lot of pain he'll probably have a hard time sleeping too. My dh is making my life quite umm interesting right now too. Try to put the kids to bed early tonight, yeah I know, easier said than done.

[sugarboo]

Julie,
Its good to hear from you

Depression is a very nasty thing that hits many, if not all people at some time in their life. Your DH has been the strong one, the bread-winner, the one to see that you and all the kids were healthy and safe. He has been in a state of weakness from this surgery. He must also feel at a loss of what to do to help the one he loves most...you.

May I offer this thought?

Time for you to be the strong one. Take care of everything. The house, the kids, the home and most importantly...him. Sometimes in life we have to be the strong one, even when we don't feel we can muster it up. I've been there, and I know how hard it is to carry the burdon. Tell him that everything is okay even if it's not. You will take care of things before he knows there has been a problem, thus he will not be consumed or stressed by things for now.

I'm sensing that he feels at a loss of how to be a good husband and father when everything he does reaps no reward (at least in his mind). We know only peices of your life of course, but maybe if you can offer him hope that the future looks good, that you have come to terms with your daily plate full (seems you have over the past few months)...and that you love and cherish him for the man he is to you and the kids...maybe then he'll get out of bed and get back to himself.

I hope this helps somehow...I could be way off...but I know when my DH was depressed a few years ago, it was only when I came out of it, that he followed.

Try to be strong sweetheart and be good to him


EDIT: PS: If he is still in pain this long, he should see the doctor to make sure everything healed right too!!!!

[momXseven]

Originally Posted by joellelee2000

Holy carp Julie! You better call the doc for a vicodin refill! If he's in a lot of pain he'll probably have a hard time sleeping too. My dh is making my life quite umm interesting right now too. Try to put the kids to bed early tonight, yeah I know, easier said than done.

He's sleeping about 20 hours a day! Well on days he works maybe 12 hours.

[momXseven]

Originally Posted by greenjeans

Julie,
Its good to hear from you

Depression is a very nasty thing that hits many, if not all people at some time in their life. Your DH has been the strong one, the bread-winner, the one to see that you and all the kids were healthy and safe. He has been in a state of weakness from this surgery. He must also feel at a loss of what to do to help the one he loves most...you.

May I offer this thought?

Time for you to be the strong one. Take care of everything. The house, the kids, the home and most importantly...him. Sometimes in life we have to be the strong one, even when we don't feel we can muster it up. I've been there, and I know how hard it is to carry the burdon. Tell him that everything is okay even if it's not. You will take care of things before he knows there has been a problem, thus he will not be consumed or stressed by things for now.

I'm sensing that he feels at a loss of how to be a good husband and father when everything he does reaps no reward (at least in his mind). We know only peices of your life of course, but maybe if you can offer him hope that the future looks good, that you have come to terms with your daily plate full (seems you have over the past few months)...and that you love and cherish him for the man he is to you and the kids...maybe then he'll get out of bed and get back to himself.

I hope this helps somehow...I could be way off...but I know when my DH was depressed a few years ago, it was only when I came out of it, that he followed.

Try to be strong sweetheart and be good to him


EDIT: PS: If he is still in pain this long, he should see the doctor to make sure everything healed right too!!!!

Thanks, BTW he sees the surgery again on the 12th.
I was worried that maybe it was because I have been doing everything around here for the last 6 weeks and he felt like I didn't need him to do anything.
I'm also worried it was all the pain pills he was taking and than when he got low just stopped taking them, he was taking 2 about every 3 hours in the day and once in the middle of the night. He saw the Dr 2 weeks after surgery and she gave him more pain pills but also asked him to just take one pill ever 4-6 hours.

[momXseven]

Well DH got out of bed, I'm fixing his favorite, burgers & fries and strawberry shortcake and he gets up to go buy dinner for him self!
The kids have begged him to do something with them all day and he wouldn't get up for them but he gets up to go buy dinner when I made a big deal over fixing him a great dinner.

[sugarboo]

Hmmmm Julie,
Sounds to me like Vicodin is not his friend? He seems out of sorts to me!! Can you go with him to the doctor and tell him your concerns? Maybe a different pain killer would be in order? I dunno....sounds like he is not being himself. What man would turn his nose up at a great dinner like that? Another thought is that when you over prescribe on pain meds that it can cause more pain...because you don't use your muscles as much so they start to ach....Let us know how things go at the doctors! He shouldn't still have pain this much later...IMHO.

I know how much you love him so hang in there!

J

[momXseven]

Originally Posted by greenjeans

Hmmmm Julie,
Sounds to me like Vicodin is not his friend? He seems out of sorts to me!! Can you go with him to the doctor and tell him your concerns? Maybe a different pain killer would be in order? I dunno....sounds like he is not being himself. What man would turn his nose up at a great dinner like that? Another thought is that when you over prescribe on pain meds that it can cause more pain...because you don't use your muscles as much so they start to ach....Let us know how things go at the doctors! He shouldn't still have pain this much later...IMHO.

I know how much you love him so hang in there!

J

This is about what I'm thinking also. He will be with me tomorrow at our PCP and than on the 12th when he sees the surgeon I'm not sure if I'm going to go with him, I guess I'll decide that after I see how tomorrow and how he does between now and the 12th.