[KathyM]

I haven't had any restful sleep since my son left on deployment. My husband was able to pinpoint his location, and it is smack dab in the middle of it all. He's supposed to be a SAILOR. Why is he guarding a munitions base and going out on patrols in a remote desert village? A base nearby came under attack and killed a female soldier - all they could find were her boots.

A newspaper article recently mentioned my son's base, saying Iran will destroy the base if we push them any further. In the article, it said "The Pentagon can expect no assistance from His Highness when they come under attack."

http://newsblaze.com/story/200807121.../topstory.html

I'm angry with myself for allowing my son to join the military. I know it was his choice, but I suspect he would have listened to me if I would have put my foot down on this one. We were BOTH fooled into thinking this would be good opportunity for him.

NOW they are telling him it's possible he may be stop-lossed (forced to stay and serve in the military). This was supposed to be his final deployment, and he wants OUT. He's already given them four years, if he's forced to give them any more it will ruin his chances of having a real life here - that's all he wanted. That's all I wanted for him too.

Does the military or even this nation care that I'm disabled? Do they know how hard it is for me to sit here, unable to eat, sleep, or think of anything else until CHRISTMAS?

It is just as hard on my son's girlfriend over there. Relationships are frowned upon, so they keep them separated. Just for "fun," they told my son some lies about his girlfriend "flirting" with the other soldiers - just to make him angry. They also reprimanded her for being "too pretty" and being too much of a temptation for the men who have to work with her. She's trying her hardest to be a soldier - it's not HER fault she's pretty!

[~scrabble]

(((Kathy)))

Wow, I can understand how you are so upset and angry. I agree that 4 years of service is plenty and I sure hope he is able to get out soon.

Thinking of you and yours and sending positive thoughts and prayers ...

[Chemar]

(((((((Kathy)))))))))

I cant imagine how hard this is for you

praying for your son's continued safety and that he will be able to come home soon, with his GF

[SandyC]

I can understand your frustrations as a mom Kathy. But this is how the military works and your son most likely knew what was expected from the day he raised his hand and promised to serve our country. Try to not worry and know that he is thinking of you just as much as you are of him. It sounds like you have a very close relationship. I suspect there is much you don't know about and he is quiet so you don't worry.

I know how hard this must be on you as a mother. I remember Jim going out and how I never knew where he was. He went to Panama without my knowledge. But he was my husband and as worried as I was for him, if it were my child I can't even imagine the worry I'd have endured.

I do know that when your time is up, the military can call you back at anytime eight years after discharge, so keeping him is within their rights even if he doesn't want to be there. That is some of what I worry the most about. When soldiers are down it can mess with their head and cause more harm than good. It's all so sad but a reality of war.

One thing you can try is to call someone in charge. Explain he is your only son and ask that he be deployed back to the states due to your condition and what it's doing to you. I am not versed on all the new rules so I could be off on this. But back in the day if you were an only child you did not deploy out of the states. Or if there were two children in the military, only one would be deployed. It's worth a call if this means that much to you. Just be sure this is what your son would want. You may be able to get him home but not his gf. And soldiers tend to want to be with their unit even in the toughest and most dangerous times. They are a family when their real family isn't near.

My husband to this very day wishes he could be there, he was a member of the 101st. I think it's a brotherhood we can never understand. No matter what happens your son is fighting for our freedoms and I thank him and you for that.

[KathyM]

Thanks ((Sandy))

My son has never felt the same "brotherhood" in the military because his longtime friends and family here have always come first for him. He's experienced more racism there than he did here, and it sucks because it comes from officers. One was an alcoholic Mormon whose religion believes blacks are only meant to be slaves - here on earth and in the hereafter. He also thinks the "rift" between the different forces is a little silly. They still give him a hard time because he's in the Navy (they are Army and Air Force). Apparently the Navy isn't good enough, so why are they asking HIM to protect them and their "stuff."

He initially signed up for two years, with the promise he could start his education while still serving. He's yet to have an opportunity to take any classes, and he was never told he could only take classes related to military service.

They talked him into an additional two years, with the promise of more benefits.

They laid a guilt trip on him for wanting to return to civilian life after four years. They talked him into joining the Special Forces because of his abilities, and talked him into taking this deployment for his "last hoorah."

It makes me angry, but he agreed to this and I'm big on commitment. I'll try my best to hang in there if he can, BUT that's it. He sounded VERY discouraged at the idea of having to serve another four years. I know they will try to pressure him to stay in because he's now considered "experienced," kids aren't flocking to join the military, and we don't have a draft to continue on with this crazy war.

I'm sorry, but I don't believe my son is fighting for our freedom. People all around me appear free to me, and I've never felt more imprisoned.

[SandyC]

I didn't know he was in the Special Forces. That alone is probably why they keep him. Jim served with the Special Forces for a time being and let me tell you they are some of the toughest, most experienced men I have ever known of. They are also the ones to do the most dangerous missions as you know. They are sworn to secrecy on many missions. Remember when I said Jim went to Panama without my knowledge?

I am a firm believer in those who serve to protect others and respect them deeply. I know it feels like your imprisoned and I hate that. That's a mother's love.

Here is a poem I found that you may like:

Mom of a Soldier Boy

No one can understand the thoughts of a soldiers' mom,
The pain and fear she feels when away her soldier son has gone.

Her appetite gone, all those sleepless nights,
Her prayers to God that her soldier son is safe through the fight.

A worry with every breath and each time in between,
That the last time was not the last time her soldier son was seen.

And how every night as she lays down her weary head,
She wonders what her soldier son is making for a bed.

And how she can't enjoy a meal no matter how tasty or sweet,
For still she worries if her soldier son is getting enough to eat.

And how she dreads each ring of the phone,
For is it someone else with a question she just can't answer alone.

And how you see in her eyes the wonder of how everyone is enjoying their day,
While her soldier son is off so far away.

And just as it seems the days can't get any more grey,
A heavenly voice say, 'keep up the faith'
'I think it's time for your worries to end',
And suddenly the door opens and her soldier son walks in,
She hugs him so tight the way only a mom of a soldier son can.

Then she lifts her eyes to heaven and thanks the Lord,
And praises him for the return of her little soldier boy.

[Jomar]

Kathy you might write to your representatives & senators, state & fed, tell a bit about your health situation maybe include drs note of dx??
Can't hurt to ask about it.

Also look into a hardship release from his duty or the possible stop loss duty?
Se what the requirements might be??

But how long is his gf in for, would he leave her over there alone??

[NaeNae]

Kathy I understand your fears and your pain and frustration, I am a career Army brat and Air Force wife. I also do not agree with the stop loss program a freind of mine recently was stuck for over a year in Iraq the same way. My husband is Arabic so I get the whole racism thing and sadly it does still happen and I'm from the south so I have grown up around that kind of stupidity. But look at it this way....historically black mean have stood up and served this country when others were trying to avoid serving....think Tuskeegee Airmen...your son is a wonderful example to young black men and other races as well as they always say success is the best revenge. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your son, I agree this war was unnecessary but all we can do now is pray that a day will come soon when we can bring everyone home safely. The rivalry between forces is silly I kind of think of it as differing sports teams competitiveness but in all honesty they all help each other one could not function without the other. Hold your head high and pray for your sons safety and know that there are millions of us who see no color only the man or woman and tha we pray each day for their safety and appreciate their service no matter what their mission. As for his education does he have the GI bill? He should contact his home base education office, not sure how the Navy works but the AirForce has several universities they are affiliated with that have many degree programs..although the people still have to do the classes required for their career field..which does not use their GI bill and is provided free by the Air force.

Also I would be happy to send postcards/ care packages to your son if he has a mail address!

As for his girlfriend...they are just jealous the ones giving them grief could probably never get a woman like her anyway and they know it!

[NurseNancy]

kathy,

i can't pretend to understand from personal experience how you are feeling.
i can only imagine how difficult this is for everyone. you've gotten some good advice.

have you son stay strong. and be strong enuf to NOT succumb to pressure to reenlist. that's what THEY want because they need it. they're NOT thinking of your son.

i pray that your son completes his mission and comes home to your arms.

[Corkybird]

Kathy,
There are many of us here that have suffered hard times with our sons, but in hearing the stories of so many military families on tv and news...I personally feel that NOTHING compares to having a child in Iraq at this time!
There is hate and so much prejudice among other things going on with those serving out country and their superiors who are also serving.
The thoughts of not knowing what is going to be said on the other end of the line every time the phone rings in the middle of the night, the fear of the unknown of not knowing where your child is lying their head to get a bit of rest each night, I truly can't imagine.
My own personal experiences have included being a military wife when we were first married. My newlywed husband received orders for an assignment where he would be going alone for one year. They were cancelled just a few weeks later for some reason.
I later had my youngest son doing an international study in Denmark for 6 wks. When we'd go a week without talking to him, I would worry that something bad had happened. Just the way our human brains are wired...to always think the worst first.
Just this year, my older son was faced with battling cancer. That fear of the unknown once again began to set in. Instead of turning to God, and asking HIM to watch over and care for our children...we tend to want to take care of it all ourselves.
Someone once said to me, "As a parent of an adult child..we may not always agree with their decisions (such as your son going into military), but we are always there to love them and care for them when they should fall if their decisions aren't the right ones".
I think that it's also sad that our VETERANS seem to get the shaft in many of the Veterans Administration run medical facilities? They should be getting things for FREE and the BEST of services, after serving their country!! Not being told that they have to wait 2 months for needed surgeries sometimes.
I hadn't heard about the military calling you back after you've been discharged and you've served your term of service. Perhaps that's something new since my husband got out yrs ago.
I don't think that ONLY SON rule applies in all situations nowadays. There's someone in my church who is an only child and HIS son is an only child serving in IRAQ !!! Right now the grandfather is in a nursing home, recovering from a near death stroke a few months ago...they didn't shorten the grandsons time overseas to come home early~~~
Kathy, I sure would try to get in touch with a congressman or state representative. It's certainly worth a try at this point and time.
Prayers that you shall receive God's loving arms around you to comfort you and ease some of the pain that you are feeling at this time,



Marilyn