[Blessings2You]

Sneaked out of church via the back door before the sermon this morning, and walked home sobbing. I knew this day was coming, and I thought I was ready. Obviously not.

Playing the organ has been tricky for quite a while, mostly because I can't find a way to sit that doesn't hurt and make my muscles spasm. I can't twist my foot to hit a couple of the foot pedals, and my stupid fingers either hit the wrong keys or don't hit them hard enough. But I've been managing.

This morning I realized that I'm not managing any more. I don't get anything out of the service because I'm toughing it out, teeth clenched, in pain. That's not worship. And I spend Sunday afternoon recovering.

I've played that organ for 31 years, and it's one of the great joys of my life. I'm telling myself all of the appropriate stuff: count the blessings you DO still have, be thankful for all the years you DID play, you have other ministries, blah blah blah.

It's just a little tough right now. God bless my husband who suggested that maybe once I'm retired and off the cement floor, I'll be up to playing the organ again. I don't know if he's right, but he made me feel better (plus rubbing my back while I sobbed).

Just needed to share my woes. Thanks for listening, my friends.

[SallyC]

((((((((((((((Blessings))))))))))))))))

Listen to your HubbyBubble..

[ewizabeth]

I agree with your hubby. You can only do so much with this darn disease. It's not easy when you have to stop doing something you love. But remember, when you get to an easier and more restful point in your life, there's a good chance you'll be able to have the energy to do it again, God willing.

[Debbie D]

It's okay for you to grieve, you know...it's sad when we can't do something we love any longer.

Yeah, I believe in making lemonade out of the lemons we've been given, but first I need to cry and grieve before I let go.

Isn't it nice that your DH comforts you so?

(((((Hugs))))) Take care!

[Kitty]

Awww, B2Y, I'm so sorry. I know it was something you loved doing...and hubby's right - maybe you just need a break until you retire (not that far away, ya know). It might just make the job of actually getting to retirement easier for you. Then...once you have time during the week to relax and rest up you can be refreshed and ready to go on Sunday.

Everything happens for a reason - I know you probably don't want to hear things like that right now - but I fully believe that you need to listen to your body and not push things to the limit.

Nobody is saying you can't ever play the organ again. You just need to give yourself a break - and take the time to actually "go" to church again, and listen to the sermon without being in pain, and enjoy listening to someone else get the blessing of being able to play.

[yeahbut]

Let is out my friend! 31 years of playing the same organ every Sunday! My Gosh, girl you should be so darn proud of yourself!!! That is such an accomplishment in my book - after you get the sobbing out I hope you sit back and smile for what you have done!! Smile and know how happy you have made so many people each and every Sunday.

31 years B2U - be proud!!! I am, very proud and I would bet there are many more people just like me that feel the same way from the church and up above!!!!

and one more thing - remember your signature!

[Carolina]

It's hard, i know.. I've had to give up so much that is is getting hard to recognize myself.

((((B2Y))))))

[Blessings2You]

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Every one of you said something that comforted me, and inspired me. Here are the thoughts that came to me as I was reading your responses (a rough draft only):

Lemon Aid

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade:
Well, I’ve tried, but you should just taste what I’ve made!
It’s bitter and sour and nasty old stuff,
That I just cannot seem to make sweet enough.
I take those old lemons of heartache and pain,
And start in to squeeze them as hard as I can.
I then add some water and lots of fresh ice,
And sugar–one cup or two should suffice.
I taste, make a face, add more sugar, then test,
But now all I have is a thick, gooey mess.

When giving out lemons, life doesn’t loft
A nice piece of fruit that’s pleasant and soft;
The lemon you use to make lemonade
Comes at you hard, like a yellow grenade.
To soften that lemon, you first grieve and cry,
Then offer it up. As hard as you try,
You’ll never make lemons into lemonade
Unless you seek help; you could say “lemon aid”.
You can pound on those lemons day after day,
Put on a fake smile, say “Hey, it’s okay!
I’m fine! It’s all good! I can do this alone!”
And a pile of mashed lemons is left when you’re done.
Give God the lemons, the sorrows, the fears,
And He’ll make the lemonade with your tears.

[Kitty]

That was a wonderful poem, B2Y. You are a lady of many talents (and also very wise).

[FinLady]

Thank you for sharing the poem B2Y. Sorry you had such a rough day.