[who moi]

my younger brother woke me up from my slumber. I was half asleep cause I knew it was going to snow tonight...

on our way home from school, the air was crisp and freezing and we could feel the cold breeze slicing against our faces ruddying our cheeks.

Mom gave us the news, the forecast tonight: SNOW

My brother and I cheered and jumped and skipped all over the house. Our youngest brother, who was barely one seemed to have been inbued by our enthusiasm and clapped and cheered with us.

It was going to be our very first snow, in our new home, in New York City.

I was almost 11...

F, my younger brother shook me gently, "wake up, wake up, it's snowing!!" he whispered in my ear...

I got up quietly.

When we first came to the states, my dad got us a one bedroom apartment in Queens. The five of us stayed in one room

it was a bit crowded, but after not seeing my father for almost 5 years with only a handful of times inbetween, I didn't complain...it just felt good to have the family together...even if we slept on the floors at first.

The American dream was to be realized with all of us here...now...as one...

F and I snuck into the living room and to the fire-escape. We lived on the 4th floor and the lights from the adjacent buildings casted through our window. We could see the white fluffy flakes zig zagging down. We almost squealed with excitement but covered eachother's mouths instead.

F suggested that we open the window even though we had been told to never, ever, open the fire-escape window...

but the call of the tiny white balls was too much of a temptation for the both of us...we unlatched the crank and slowly open the window.

It creaked a bit and the cold air rushed in sending both of us shivering...but no matter...we were too excited to feel cold...

we stuck our hands out and felt the soft flakes melting onto our tiny hands...each crystal that melted sent chills all over me yet warmth deep within me....

My first snow...it was even better than I've read or have heard about...it really was cold and crisp and refreshing and...

it was just...awesome...

"What are you two doing up?" A voice came from behind us...

Gulp...

we turned around and saw our mom towering over us...we had thought we'd be in big trouble but then we saw a smile on her face...

"go back to bed and let the snow collect. And you guys can play tomorrow."

"but there's school tomorrow..." F whined...

"not if the snow gets thick..and the forecast says it will..."

We cheered and raised our hands in the air while she shooshed us...

no school?? Playing in the snow?? WOW WOW WOW!!!

back to bed our tiny bodies went, anticipating the next day...to play in the snow...life was good...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I looked out my window, MY window...I now have a bedroom of my own...we have moved to the South, North Carolina to be exact. So it's north of the south, but still south, where one whistled Dixie, ate lots bbq's, and hunted squirrels (not all, but a lot of my friends did) .

I was 14, I had lost my ability to stand...newly dx with something called, "Tourette Syndrome" and I seem to have quite a few of the "interesting ones" where one of them was that I would jerk so badly that when I would have stood, I'd fall...

that was a busy year for my parents. They didn't know what to do with me. My vocal tics intensified to the point that I was barking constantly and kept them awake throughout the night and then they having to go in to work for grueling 12 hour days then to come home to my keeping them up again...

Neighbors complained, school complained, and everyone thought I was nuts..heckit, I thought I was nuts...

I couldn't stop..then the leg tic came and that was it...the local doctor decided to send me to a renowned hospital miles away...to get an official dx...

I was taken out of school...and I stayed at home mostly in my bed while my parents worked hard and tried hard to find cures for me...

my trials of meds made me very tired all the time. I slept almost 15 hours a day. It was the only way to suppress me so they could get some sleep cause of my loud vocal tics...

when the holiday was nearing, there were no holiday ambience anywhere in the house...

F came to my room one day and told me that it was going to snow that night...

funny, I couldn't care less at that moment...

I had my game plan that day already...my rope..my ceiling fan...that was it...I'd had it...no more...

it was about 7pm...mom and dad were both at work...they wouldn't be home for hours...

I looked outside the window...

crystals were starting to form on the outside the window. The little patterns were unique as if parachuters had gone off course and had smack themselves against my window. I chuckled to myself. Gosh, what's wrong with me.

I threw that rope over my ceiling fan...lowered it...

this was it, world...let me melt away with the snow...

Einstein I was not...I didn't figure that the fan wouldn't take my weight and it fell on me...I must had been knocked out...

I woke up to my mom sitting over my bed holding my hand crying, well, my hand didnt cry, she did...I had rarely seen her cry like that...

I started crying too...hard...

I couldn't tell if it was the snow collecting outside the window or was it my tears affecting my vision cause when I looked outside the window,

all were blurry...

through some miracle that night, my mom holding my hand...I recovered a few months later, able to walk again with major rehab...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Door county, Wisconsin...

Deep Winter, Jan 2000...

I arrived to see my friend, Tam...

I had told her that I wish I could see snow...it's been years...we had moved further south where it barely snowed and if it did, it didn't stick at all...

as if someone was hearing my plead...it snowed...

it was thick like goose feathers and it floated and it sailed and it danced in the cold clean Wisconsin air...

Tam and I acted like children and we stuck our tongues out to let the flakes melt in our mouths...

we stood still to let the snow collect so we COULD become snowman...

the next day, I walked outside to North Country that was postcard worthy...

the white blanket enveloped the whole landscape...on trees, on forest path, on the lake...

Time stood still...

I dived into the snow and made my first snow angle...about 30-60 degrees...then, of course, the angel followed cause I've already created the wings...

I can see Tam smiling through the window with her cup of coffee...steaming vapor rising...

I grabbed a handful of snow...soft, slushy...

it got me wondering...

snow...water...crystals...

basic elementary stuff...

yet, each flake is unique in its own, it has its own beauty...the snow this year is not the same from the years past, and will not be the same as the years that will come after...

as it slowly melted in my hand...I smiled and melted with it into this stream...of life....

[Koala77]

I tried unsuccesfully to find words that would do your thread justice Moi, but the right words just wouldn't come. Even so, I do want you to know that I'm sorry for the pain that you've suffered in your past, but the rest of your story is just beautiful; so heart warming.

As I read your words I was there with you looking out the window, watching the snowflakes fall. I could taste them on my tongue as I stood there beside you and Tam.

Thank you for inviting us into your memories. Thank you for sharing.

[who moi]

Love you Anne...

((((BIG TIGHT HUGS))))

[NaeNae]

As always your stories touch my heart! What would the world have done without such a wonderful, caring,funny man who can tell such poignant stories???? Luv ya bro!

[Nik-key]

So unlike me….. I am at a loss for words. I tried to just leave a thank you for this post…..But it just wasn’t enough. When I first saw the title to your post, I thought ahhhh Moi is back! And he is calling us all flakes.
The smile still danced on my face as I read about your family coming here, about your tale of your first snow storm.
My smile faded as I continued to read the rest………………

My dad HATED winter and snow with a passion. Now I too hate the snow. This past winter we had record breaking snow fall, it snowed the night my dad took his life. I threw up just looking at it, and did so with every snowflake that fell till Spring came. I have wondered how I am to survive living here this coming winter and all the winters to come, with this hate in my heart. Perhaps, thinking of your post here today, of Moi surviving to make his first snow angel…. Perhaps this will help.

Moi, as much as I dearly love your humor, I felt honored today that you shared this part of your life. Thank you for sharing a glimpse into “you” ~Nikki

[who moi]

I so appreciate the now...the beauty of the then, and looking forward to the beauty beyond my dreams...


I so appreciate you all...your kindness, your friendships, your thoughtfulness...

I sincerely do not know what I've ever done to deserve this (da wife is very deserving. LOL)

but I am not questioning..I can only thank my fortune cookies...

(((((((BIG TIGHT HUGS))))))) to you all....

[Addy]

I thank my fortune cookies, too!

Cuz you are in my life!
I love to read your memories and thank you for mentioning Tam today.

xoxoxo Addy

[da duck]

Yes, Moi, thanks for mentioning Tam. I miss her so much sometimes. Makes me want to go raid a rosemary bush
I love the snow. I never seem to get over the wonder of it.
You building a snowman...I can just picture it...oh wait. LOL.
Some of my favorite photos are on my mirror...and one of them is of Tam and me and Bonnie sitting in front of the fireplace at the lake. I have another one

I loved your stories. I have a few, but won't try to share your light this thime There's more than enough to go around.
I have been down for a few days...reading this helped...so thank you all

[Alffe]

(((ducky))) I never got to meet Tam...she posted a couple of times on BT but I know the "story" of Tam....the awesome affect our moi had on her life....and really, she had on all of yours.

And something about riding a grocery cart in the store???

I'm sorry you've been down.

[jaded2nite]

Moi

Your posts always bring back memories....some painful, some so joyful my cheeks hurt from smiling.

Snow.....sigh. Being from New England I can so relate to the awesome beauty of it all. I just choose to veiw it in pictures. I have never been a fan of the work that follows the beauty!

Love to all.................thanks for the memories!

Dottie