[who moi]

welcome to the SOS forum...

there are tons of wonderful folks here that will listen to you...

I am not sure what to say cause you've been thrown a death sentence and I can understand about wanting control of some sorts...

I can't tell you what to do or what not to do because of your unique situation...

all I can do is offer you ((((HUGS)))) and to offer you a couple of eyes to listen to...

please keep talking to us, K?

just want to add your post to here in case folks were wondering. Nice to meet you and I hope by talking here, your pain can ease somewhat...

hippiechick's post

[DMACK]

who moi


THANKS FOR THE ABOVE LINK

hippiechick...

i don't know you, and you don't know me

but at this precise moment in time i sincerely would like to put my arms around you and give you one hell of a big hug

Dont give up on life just yet ...........we have a lot to talk about

for the last 2 years ive been on medication for BI-POLAR dissorder and have not cried since[prior to meds cried at the drop of a hat]

i read your post today and cried, and cried and cried

David

[Nik-key]

Hippiechick

Welcome to our SOS family I am so very sorry for the deep
pain you are in, physical and emotional.

We wont judge you here, you are safe to express what you feel.
But, I hope you will allow us to support you.... and try to give
you reasons to hang on. Many of our loved ones took their lives..
we will forever grieve... it is a hurt worse than any other....

I can not begin to imagine the pain you are in. That being the case,
the best I can do is try to reach out to you...the only way I know how
to be able to do that, is to share with you......

I suffer with horrific pain, but it is not terminal. There were many times
over the years I wish it was. I too often thought of taking my life. I am
not ashamed of that. My disease use to be penned the suicide disease.
I am still in great pain, but suicide is no longer an option for me...
Let me tell you why.......

My Dad took his life on March 14th 2008. That fateful day, my world
was forever changed. My Dad beat cancer twice. But, when he got the
same cancer his brother died from... he kept it to himself... then took his life.
I would have given anything, anything! to have been there for my Dad.
There is nothing in this world that could have hurt me worse than finding
out my Dad killed himself... that he didn't even give me the chance to say
goodbye. To me, there is no worse pain. NOW, knowing the pain, the hell
left behind for the family to face... I could no longer take my life....
I could not hurt my family, as I am hurting now....

You say you have family... I am sure you love them greatly. Just as I
am sure they do you. It is perhaps not fair of me to use the guilt "card"
this way. But, for your family, for those who love you.. I feel I must.
Suicide is not a legacy you want to leave your family. There are those
here who lost their loved one many many years ago, they still suffer
greatly. Surely life, even filled with pain, is better than no life at all?

I do not say this lightly. My husband is terminal. He is dying. I hate to
see him suffer, but I know that each day he is blessed with, he is
thankful for. I AM thankful for. We treasure each moment we are given...
me being in daily horrific pain... and him dying. Life is ALWAYS a gift.

I do hope you will come back often. We have just "met" but I truly do
care about what happens to you. If you want to talk, come here..
we will listen. PM me, or email me @ sadie1of7@hotmail.com
You are not alone, we will hold your hand... and try to help any
way we can. My thoughts and prayers are with you Nikki

[DMACK]

Hippiechick

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=be0j4PbrQOI

one.......................we get to carry each other
David

[Nik-key]

To quote a very wise person.............

"".....I believe that there's always something that can be done.
And don't we have to keep our beliefs/trust/hopes/faith up in
order to keep on going????"

Hippiechick, YOU wrote that in another post.

Please… please…. Don’t give up your

Beliefs

Trust

Hopes

Faith

Hold on to them tight. Hold onto US tight.
We will do everything we can to help you.

When we lost our Dad, I had a breakdown and ended up in the hospital.
The pain was so great, it took all my will and the love of my family …
to stop me from going to be with my Dad. It is ALL I wanted.

My brothers and sisters , they helped me so much. They came up with a sign
for me….. When it got to be too much, when I didn’t think I could survive..
All I was to do, was reach out my hand…. and they promised they would be there.

This symbolism means a great deal to me…. from my heart to yours….

[Brokenfriend]

Dear Hippiechick Don't give up. Keep posting. God is right there with you. I hear your despair,and pain. God's strengthening,helping,and upholding you now. I'm saying a prayer for you. We care about you. BF

[mistiis]

Sweet hippiechick I hope you will allow the folks here to help you get through...I can't say that I know exactly how you feel but I have been in that space where life just does not seem like it is worth living. I have made three serious suicide attempts and yet here I am. Right now I can say that I am glad I am here. I could not always say that and I know that I may face that beast again. Life is precious even when death is known to be 'down the road' When my father was dying I cherished every moment I had with him knowing that I would not have him for long. I would imagine that your family feels the same way. Please let someone help you cope. It helps to talk about how you feel or write about it. You can feel safe here. About a month ago I talked with a dear friend of mine whose ex commited suicide and their 12 year old son was the one who found him. I know this is strong but it is true the family suffers so much pain and guilt when a family member commits suicide. It was a good/bad experience for me because I had to experience first hand her pain and that of her children. I am very close to them. I am praying for you as well.

[Nik-key]

I find myself coming back in the hopes that you have posted Hippiechick…..
You haven’t come back yet, so I am going to ramble some more….
perhaps something one of us says to you.. will help give you strength.

My heart truly does go out to you, I can’t imagine the hell you must be in…
But, I know this… You said your family would be better off without you.
My Dad I am sure, had similar thoughts. But, I ASSURE you, not one of us
left behind feels this way. Every single day, I still long for just one more day……..

I know you are hurting. One of the things that helped me hang on was
coming here. I found a safe place to share. I also wasn’t going to let suicide
be glorified in my thinking any more. It was one of the hardest things I ever
did, but I admitted I needed help, and went to my doctor. I still get down,
who wouldn’t? But it isn’t consuming me anymore. I can see and experience
the joy .. even with the pain. Not pushing, but perhaps medication could
help with these feelings for you too.

I was thinking, my husband is getting help through agencies, I wonder if you
could as well. Perhaps it might help you not feel so alone during the day
when your husband has to work. Plus it wouldn’t be a bad idea having
someone with you for those times when you do pass out.

I know it sounds so trite in all that you are facing….but the old adage comes
to mind, live like you were dying. None of our futures are guaranteed, hold
onto hope! Try to enjoy all the things you do still have in your life...
This is what keeps me positive, while facing losing my husband..
Keep trying to find a doctor who is compassionate and willing to help you in your
journey. Keep coming here, let us help you find the strength to fight

[who moi]

hi hipchick...

hope you'll come back and check back in with us. You're one of us now and when we don't hear from you, we worry...

((((HUGS))))

btw, some of us, well, moi, LOL can get a little rowdy around here sometimes, don't let that bug you...we always support eachother with a little humor here and there...but always get serious when we need to get down to business...will be thinking of you...

[Nik-key]

Bumping up for Hippiechick