[Chemar]

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/sh...d.php?p=372422

[Koala77]

Thank you Chemar. Hopefully Earth Angel will follow your suggestion and find her way here.

[Momma's Kids]

Just bumping this...I did reply to her post in PM.

Thanks again for watching out for all of us...

[DM]

Hey earthangel~ I posted on your other thread, but I do hope you follow the bread crumbs and come over to this forum for more support. As I said in my other post to you, please don't blame yourself. You were a wonderful daughter and in no way are you to blame for losing your Mother.

As I posted earlier, I lost my dear Mother last year to a devastating illness that took her away from us too soon. I turned around and she was gone. I tried to find things I should have seen, done, etc.... but it wasn't my fault and it isn't your fault either.

We both just have to remember how much our Mom's loved us.

Please know that you are among alot of friends here.

[Nik-key]

((Chemar)) thank you for the link

((Earth Angel)) I too posted to you in your other thread.
My heart goes out to you. When I read what your Mom
wrote, I just burst into tears. We love them so much!!
But, we don't want them in that kind of pain either... so tragic

I forgot to mention in the other post, it is so easy to
blame ourselves. I wrote several posts here, asking the
same thing.. was I the one that pushed him over the
edge? I have been disabled since 99, and had recently
had a TIA stroke that left me partially paralyzed...
I no longer blame myself. In time, I hope you will be able
to see through the pain to KNOW you were in no way
to blame!

I will share with you something a friend of mine shared with me.
He is a minister. He said he and some other members of the
church where at a friends house, as he was on suicide watch.
They had taken every "weapon" out of the house, they stayed
with him 24/7 Yet, he still found a way to take his life. There
simply was nothing anyone could have done. I'm not sure why
that helped me so much.. perhaps because it eased my feelings
that there was something.. anything that I could have....
should have done...

I do hope you will come and share with us. Sometimes it
helps to know you are not alone in your pain. I have 6
brothers and sisters, we all handled the loss differently,
there is no right or wrong way to grieve. One brother
couldn’t come to Dad's service.. that was right for him.
Me, I tried to be strong for everyone... I couldn't handle
the pain, so I tried to block it... and ended up in the hospital
having a break down. Let your emotions come freely, let us
try to help you through them.
Again, my thoughts and prayers are with you Nikki

[Doody]

(((Earth Angel))) First, I'm sorry for your own physical problems.

Second, you are not responsible though I'm sure you are feeling that way. As Nik-key said, she would have found a way no matter what. She was obviously in so much pain.

I'm just so sorry for your loss. And I hope you find your way over to this forum because there truly are people who care about you and understand what you are going through.

Much love and hugs for you.

[Gazelle]

I posted on your thread in the Grief & Loss forum.



Hang in there. Talk when you want or need to. We'll be here for you if you want us.

There is life after suicide. It's just that life takes time to be bearable again. So don't let anyone rush you through the time you need to come to terms with your mom's death.

[mistiis]

...hoping that you will come and join us. The people here are very warm and caring. They understand how hard it is to deal with the loss of a loved one to suicide.

[Nik-key]

[who moi]

hi Earth Angel,

I hope you don't mind, I quoted you from your post the other day....

welcome to the club that no one wants to belong to...

yet, there are some really awesome folks here...I see a lot of them have replied to you and hopefully have given you some consolation...

I think it is normal for us to blame ourselves in situations like this...and I think none of us here will agree with you that YOU are the cause of your mom's suicide...

and I don't think that you should walk around with a happy face and smile..I think you should be true and honest with your feelings and vent and talk and get angry and such...

But I DO think that after a long while, that if you can't even find yourself getting out of bed that you might then want to seek someone out, a therapist or a support group to talk to and get to vent it out...

and there is always us here....someone will always be here with an ear or two....and listen....

please keep talking to us and vent and let it out...

((((BIG HUGS))))

Originally Posted by Earth Angel

I lost my mother by her own hand on September 11th and I thought like everyone has told me that it would get easier for me to handle my emotions but I can't. I loved my mom so much. She was such a loving, caring person much like myself. Her and my dad divorced in 2006 and she was never the same. She tried to keep working but she couldn’t stay committed to the job, she would think about things and would end up getting sick and go home. She'd just sit in her apartment and feel alone, all the while I was at my job. She had good days and bad and I saw them all. I just never thought she would actually kill herself. We had talked about suicide before and she told me her faith in God would not allow her to do such a thing. I knew she was getting bad because I had to leave work several times because she would text me goodbye. I got her help, took her to talk to someone but obviously it did not work. Her last words were "no more pain, please don’t hate me" that she wrote on a little piece of paper and left it by her nightstand.

I can’t help but wonder if I was the one to send her over the edge. I was diagnosed with optic neuritis in 2006. I was put on steroids and after several weeks it cleared up. Since then I’ve had several more attacks. Recently I’ve been having coordination problems and I have pins and needles feelings in my legs and arms. I went to my primary and she ordered an MRI. The MRI came back with something and I was referred to a neuro. Then my mom was gone so I’ve never gone. She needed me, I couldn’t have MS. Is this why she gave up? I’ll never know.

I know she wasn’t happy and I keep telling myself that she’s not hurting anymore. But I am an only child and I just feel like no one understands the hurt I am feeling inside. Am I just supposed to go on with a happy face and mask my true feelings inside? I don't want to bother others with my sadness but I feel so lost. I just need an escape and hopefully writing here will help me connect with others who do know how I feel. I miss her everyday, every minute, every second. It hurts my heart to think that she felt so unloved.