[bizi]

What You Can Do to Help Someone

Among the many things you can do to help someone who is depressed and may be considering suicide, simply talking and listening are the most important. Do not take on the role of therapist. Often, people just need someone to listen. Although this might be difficult, the following are some approaches that have worked for others:

• Express empathy and concern.
  Severe depression is usually accompanied by a self-absorbed, uncommunicative, withdrawn state of mind. When you try to help, you may be met by your loved one’s reluctance to discuss what he or she is feeling. At such times, it’s important to acknowledge the reality of the pain and hopelessness he or she is experiencing. Resist the urge to function as a therapist. This can ultimately create more feelings of rejection for the person, who doesn't want to be "told what to do." Remain a supportive friend and encourage continued treatment.
• Talk about suicide.
  Talking about suicide does not plant the idea in someone’s head. Your ability to explore the feelings, thoughts and reactions associated with depression can provide valuable perspective and reassurance to your friend or loved one who may be depressed. Not everyone who thinks of suicide attempts it. For many, it's a passing thought that lessens over time. For a significant number of people, however, the hopelessness and exaggerated anxiety brought on by untreated or under-treated depression may create suicidal thoughts that they can’t easily manage on their own. For this reason, take any mention of suicide seriously.
  
  If someone you know is very close to suicide, direct questions about how, when and where he or she intends to commit suicide can provide valuable information that might help prevent the attempt. Don’t promise confidentiality in these circumstances. It’s important for you to share this information with the individual’s doctor.
• Describe specific behaviors and events that trouble you.
  If you can explain to your loved one the particular ways his or her behavior has changed, this might help to get communication started. Compounding the lack of interest in communication may be guilt or shame for having suicidal thoughts. Try to help him or her overcome feelings of guilt. If there has already been a suicide attempt, guilt over both the attempt and its failure can make the problem worse. It’s important to reassure the individual that there’s nothing shameful about what they are thinking and feeling. Keep stressing that thoughts of hopelessness, guilt and even suicide are all symptoms of a treatable, medical condition. Reinforce the good work they’ve done in keeping with their treatment plan.
• Work with professionals.
  Never promise confidentiality if you believe someone is very close to suicide. Keep the person’s doctor or therapist informed of any thoughts of suicide. If possible, encourage them to discuss it with their doctor(s) themselves, but be ready to confirm that those discussions have taken place. This may involve making an appointment to visit the doctor together or calling the doctor on your own. Be aware that a doctor will not be able to discuss the person’s condition with you. You should only call to inform the doctor of your concern.
  
  Whenever possible, you should get permission from your loved one to call his or her doctor if you feel there’s a problem. Otherwise, it could be seen as "butting in" and may worsen the symptoms or cause added stress. Of course, if you believe there is a serious risk of immediate self-harm, call his or her doctor. You can work out any feelings of anger the person has towards you later.
• Stress that the person's life is important to you and to others.
  Many people find it awkward to put into words how another person's life is important for their own well-being. Emphasize in specific terms to your friend or loved one how his or her suicide would devastate you and others. Share personal stories or pictures to help remind your loved one of the important events in life you’ve shared together.
• Be prepared for anger.
  The individual may express anger and feel betrayed by your attempt to prevent their suicide or help them get treatment. Be strong. Realize that these reactions are caused by the illness and should pass once the person receives proper treatment.
• Always be supportive.
  People who have thought about, or attempted, suicide will most likely have feelings of guilt and shame. Be supportive and assure them that their actions were caused by an illness that can be treated. Offer your continued support to help them recover.
• Take care of yourself.
  It’s not uncommon for friends and family members to experience stress or symptoms of depression when trying to help someone who is suicidal. You can only help by encouraging and supporting people through their own treatment. You cannot get better for them. Don’t focus all of your energy on the one person. Ask friends and family to join you in providing support and keep to your normal routine as much as possible. Pay attention to your own feelings and seek help if you need it. (top)

[Burntmarshmallow]

I have question since its been mentioned I think Alffe mom maybe not sure but .... It is okay to ask how ones plans to do it? how do you know doing that isnt going to seem like a dare or something when its bought up? should you do this ...ask how one plans to do this to others online? or it seems at least to me it would be better to do that face to face. I am just thinking of a few on here and maybe if i had asked or something it may have helped or stopped an attempt or it can ? or can if the oppertunity comes up in furture,
if that makes any sense. what do you do when they tell you the plans they have how do you help? how do you stop the plans? I want to help better then i am or have been able to.I feel like i let another down and am really really sad that even thought i tryed .. it didnt seem to matter or help that much.

[mistiis]

(((BMW)))...please know that you did not let anyone down...please, try to understand that. You are very supportive!!! You are very caring!!!

[Alffe]

Originally Posted by Burntmarshmallow

I have question since its been mentioned I think Alffe mom maybe not sure but .... It is okay to ask how ones plans to do it? how do you know doing that isnt going to seem like a dare or something when its bought up? should you do this ...ask how one plans to do this to others online? or it seems at least to me it would be better to do that face to face. I am just thinking of a few on here and maybe if i had asked or something it may have helped or stopped an attempt or it can ? or can if the oppertunity comes up in furture,
if that makes any sense. what do you do when they tell you the plans they have how do you help? how do you stop the plans? I want to help better then i am or have been able to.I feel like i let another down and am really really sad that even thought i tryed .. it didnt seem to matter or help that much.

(((BMW))) I only ask that question when I have someone in my arms and am making eye contact with them.

You can't know how much it mattered BMW...just the fact that you listened and reached out matters.

[Doody]

(((BMW))) Do not go to that place! You are a very supportive person on these boards and you are not responsible for someone trying to take their own life. I want you to stop that right now.

((Bizi)) Thanks. That's a very informative post!

We're not doctors here. Members can be (and are) supportive and caring, but we can't make decisions for others.