[Alffe]

The deep importance of talking to people who understand your feelings is echoed by almost all survivors who have had the experience of going to groups.

"Groups allow us to share our grief."

"We can overcome stigma and shame there."

"It's a safe environment in which to share pain."

"It reinforces our self-esteem."

"It gives us support models."

"It tells us that grief is okay."

"Mutual support helps us to deal with the myth that "If if only I'd done something different, made him feel more loved - he'd have lived."

"It helps to cry and not have people stop everything they're doing."

"People need to know they're not crazy. The group gets rid of our fears about behavior and fears about having fears."

Silent Grief Living in the Wake of Suicide by Christopher Lukas and Henry Seiden

[Brokenfriend]

I've been to support groups,and prayer groups,and I've spilled the beans in these groups.

The prayer groups from churches have been especially helpful. I'd go to a group,and ask for prayer,and they would pray for me,and encourage me,and I'd feel better.

I have moved away into a rural area,and I mis these groups. I'm glad that this forum is here. BF

[Koala77]

I went to a support group once, but I left because I thought I was taking up too much of the organiser's time.

I thought that the other people there needed more one-on-one time than I did, and I decided that I was so insignificant that they wouldn't miss me anway.

I've never been back to a group like that, and I tend to try and manage on my own these days. Sometimes I manage, sometimes I don't do too well...but I go it alone just the same!

[Alffe]

It sounds like the leader wasn't very good Koala. Unfortunately there are bad ones out there. I'm not sure what kind of a support group you went to but they are all supposed to be about support.

More from the book..Silent Grief by Lukas and Seiden

"Some self-help groups are led by professionals with mental health training, or a background in counseling or in group work; others are led by lay people, survivors themselves, eager to help other survivors.

While there is some argument about which kind of leadership is critical in making a self-help group experience effective and valuable. Some feel that professional background and training is a must and that it takes expertise and sensitivity to maintain a climate in which real help can be obtained.

Some survivors, on the other hand, feel very strongly that just being a mental health professional doesn't qualify someone to lead a group of suicide survivors. They claim that groups have shown they can work very well without professionals, who often (they say) don't seem to understand the kind of grief survivors go through."

[Nik-key]

((Koala)) I agree, you didn't have a very good leader! I have never been to one, but I am trying to find the courage to go to my first one on Tuesday

Alffe, I would have to say the ONLY reason I am even thinking of going, is because the group is run by survivors. All the groups in New Hampshire seem to be run this way. Everyone in the room has lost a loved one to suicide. If I wanted a professionals opinion, I would go to therapy. Peer groups, I would think would always work best. One has to know the pain, to truly understand it. IMHO

[Alffe]

Getting ready to leave for the support group...I hope it isn't just the mod. and I again. Hopefully she'll have some feedback on the survey.

[Nik-key]

Let us know Alffe. Is this mod leaving? If I may ask, what survey?

I decided not to go to the support group last night. Firstly because it is almost an hour away, but secondly because there are just 2 of them there. I would have felt hmmmm too singled out. I decided to instead see a grief therapist, they called today - first appt Friday. eek

[Alffe]

Yes Nikki..the Moderator is retiring in March and I am hoping to start a group. A survey was sent out to those who attended a seminar three years ago to see if there is any interest in continuing to have a group..needless to say I am very interested in seeing those results.

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?s...SKn4nprA%3d%3d


There were two people there tonight..well four if you include the Mod and me. It was a mother and son....lost husband/father one and a half years ago. I finally got to actually see how a meeting is conducted. ~sigh

[Doody]

(((Alffe))) I'm glad it wasn't just you and the mod tonight! Sleep well dear lady.

[Nik-key]

Hmmmm, is the sigh because you didn't care for how it was run? That is a great survey. I wonder though, why it wasn't sent out to the general public? I am sure there are many who did not attend that seminar. I can't remember where I read it, but it was saying how off the suicide statistics are. People don't want to admit it, and say they died from another cause. I don't have shame at all, but I do understand that others might.

I like the survey, I am going to bring it in the coalition meeting to show them what other communities are doing. I particularly liked question 3 and 4. I have been talking to a few people about what I will say to the coalition... IF I am able to speak that is

I think the first thing I would like to see, is immediate on scene support for the families. A care package given, something to make them feel connected, and not so alone. Perhaps a good survivors of suicide book, brochures etc... a list of resources, including local and online support. It would have made a huge difference to me, to have someone there while they were "cleaning up the scene"... to have had something to look over, that made me see I wasn't alone in my pain. It is a start......

Alffe, I think you would make a great support leader!!! And the great thing about that is, though there are guidelines, YOU can run the group the way you think would be most helpful. I know I would come!!!