[BJ]

It hurts, in the Circle, but we must endure, for, without here to lean, more pain we’d incur.

We gnash our teeth and we pull at our hair,
it’s all we can do...when there’s so much despair.

We rant, and we rave, and we scream, and we cry,
and ask, in the Circle, ‘My God, why’d they die?’

But lovingly holding our hearts in your hands,
you tell us we’ll make it...you tell us we can.

We come to the Circle...and together we cry,
For here, all have lost and here, all ask, ‘why’?

We hold tight to each other to strengthen the cord,
and with deep felt faith, we pray to our Lord.

We ask that He help us, our needs to be met,
to understand suicide, because we don’t. Not just yet.

Much love in our Circle has gotten us through,
though difficult to deal with, and sometimes still blue.

We continue to love, lending support without end,
to help sort through the hurt and being a friend.

Suicide's so dispiriting, it shreds the very soul,
tearing up hopes and dreams, and destroying all goals.

But our lives must continue...we must find a way,
to wake up each morning...and face the new day.

But if we should find, that it can not be done,
the searing pain too intense...no smiles, not a one.

Just come to the Circle...for here you will find,
true friendships and love and all, unbelievably kind

We can make it, we can do this, I know that we can,
because the love from our Circle...will keep extending us their hand.

So, if your feeling downtrodden, heavy-hearted and sad,
just come to this Circle...and leave feeling glad.


I'm glad you're all in my circle

[mistiis]

((((BJ))))....how touched I was to come into our circle and read this this morning. I really wonder at the way if affects me. I don't know that I can put it into words. Not right now. But I just had to tell you how much I care about you. Your words just went right to my heart, and MAKE me want to keep surviving, because I WOULD WANT TO BE HERE to always be your friend.
.....when my heart began to beat too fast, and my hands to shake....I thought about my friends here and how they beat this to keep taking steps to survive....knowing that others here fight this and keep going, they beat it, helped me to beat it too.....truly.....

[Alffe]

I'm too depressed to post anything. Just let me lurk within this circle for a bit.

[tamiloo]

Its ok Alffe...I think there are no rule for the circle...are there? I thought of falling off to a nap...Olhipie is napping and he just let out a noise that should have knocked our house of its foundation.

The circle feel good.................

[Brokenfriend]

I'm sending (((Hugs))) to you BJ. BF

[BJ]

Nope, no rules in this circle. Just love, compassion, support and friendships.

Mistiis the feelings are mutual I want you to be here, I want you to survive. You can do this. You can beat it. If I can anybody can. It's been a long battle but I'm here today. A lot of people say I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. But in my case it's 100% true. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for everyone in the SOS forum and the BP forum.

I’ve always been embarrassed about what happened 2 summers ago so this is hard. I haven’t even gone back to read the thread. I remember calling the Crisis Center, talking at length with a counselor about my obsessive suicidal feelings. Thoughts danced in my head for days, dreaming of ways to carry it out. I sat in my yard day and night grieving over my parents and brother. I only wanted one thing, to be with them. I had 100’s of mosquito bites and never even knew it. Everyone here talked to me day and night encouraging me to fight. Then while I was talking on the phone there was a knock and the police where at my door, who took me away. They take me to my room, everything is bolted, widows, a desk, chairs and even my bed.

This is hospital ‘incarceration’, better known as the “psych” hospital. I remember sitting in that police car bawling my eyes out thinking I had to see a judge and might be sentenced for being suicidal and (to some) selfishly wishing to end my life.

In actuality I was calling out for help; frightened. Knowingly, I prayed to terminate this life, yet scared stiff to carry out my plans. I had all the pills lined up, I only had to take them. I only wished out of this soreness of depression. Mental illness is ‘incarceration’ all on its own. Who would desire days in darkness, peering out of the ‘bars’. Lying there terrified, shivering, alone peering down to shackled ankles.

I felt shut-in. My roommate sobbed throughout the night. Next-door neighbors screamed; pleading for help. I saw the staff psychiatrist the next morning and in 11 minutes all he said was that I was on ‘suicide watch’, and removed privileges, no visits outside the hospital until the end of the week.

I've been back there once more but I'm so determined not to go back again. The holidays are coming and they're always so hard on me since I'm alone. I have to keep saying to myself that I have 600 million angels watching over me

[DM]

Hey BJ~ Opening up like you just did, took a great deal of courage and strength, which just goes to show that you might just be stronger for having gone through all that.

The holiday's are just numbers on a calendar, but your life is 365 days a year of showing yourself and others that even w/life's rough patches, it is possible to pull yourself back up. Will there always be hurdles to get over? Sure, but one by one, I have a feeling you will clear them.

Rock on BJ. You are an inspiration. Loved the Circle of Friends. *very touching*

[Brokenfriend]

We love you BJ. That sounded like a painful experience,on top of a painful experience. I'm sending (((Hugs))) your way.

It sounds like the psych ward needs to be modernized,and changed to meet 21st century Humanity. That sounded like a dreadful experience.

Gentle Hugs to you. I'm sorry that you went through that. BF

[DMACK]

BJ



David

[Alffe]

Grins back at BJ. Love NY anytime of the year. Have you been to see the Rockettes Christmas show or is that the one you are talking about? They take it on the road so we were able to take our grandaughters to see it in Indianapolis several years ago.

And I love this circle...let's be sure it's wide enough to be all inclusive.