[Chazen18]

Hi everyone! Yep that's right, I have another lovely dx to add to my list. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I hate admitting to it because it makes me feel crazy. Sometimes I think I might be.

Just a little briefing on how all this came about....

We all know how bad this economy is and that everyone of us needs a job... or at least some sort of income. Well, I severely put my source of income in jeopardy last week.

I work in a customer service call center and I have to listen to people complain about things and people who are too stupid to figure things out for themselves all day long... Lately I have been having this temper problem where I can almost physically feel a "snap" inside of me and I lose my temper and just blow up.. whether it is on a customer, my boyfriend, or whoever happens to be in the way... which just so happened to be the call center director last week. Now, if you put this in perspective of a normal job, this is the highest up "boss" that you have. I was exhausted from pushing through my slurring on the phones and all I wanted to do was smoke a cig and relax on my measly 10 min break we get. Well, she came outside and told me they were dropping calls and I had to get back in there. Instead of biting my tongue and going in as asked, I decided to be a 3 year old and huff and puff and roll my eyes and storm in the door. She asked what was wrong with me and I just replied I didn't feel good.

Here comes the really stupid part.....

I got back inside and they weren't dropping calls at all, actually, there were people reading and playing cards it was so slow. So I dramatically sat down at my desk and started telling everyone what just happened and just how ****** I was. Finally I got myself so worked up that I had to go to the bathroom to calm down before I hurt myself or someone. Needless to say, I couldn't just walk through the door. I had to throw a nice hard punch into it first and then walked in and started pacing and panting because I was so worked up.

Sounds like Im a nutcase right? I know... and I hope I am not boring you all with this story... I am just trying to see if anyone else with MS has this problem and I wanted to explain the whole story. So here's the rest of it.

The next night at work I get called into the office do to my irrational behavior the night before. I know for a fact initially I was getting fired. Thank God I wasn't cog-foggin it that day. I was able to explain the situation and apologize a million times and I actually was able to get back on day shift which I have been wanting for a while. So in the end it all worked out for the best, but I still feel like a complete jerk.

Went to the doc's two days later and she dx'd me with bipolar disorder basically because of my family history of mental illness. She started me on a whole regimen of drugs. The first week I am taking pexeva, which I guess is paxil. Then its zoloft the next week, then lithium the next, then some other drug the 4th week to see what works best for me.

So after all that boring information... I guess my question is to you guys, Do you ever have moments where you feel like you can't control yourself? Is it the MS or is it really bipolar disorder? Any comments or suggestions would be appreciated.

Thanks to all!!
Marissa

[legzzalot]

yes. yes and yes. Mine is a little different.. I was dx'd with Grave's Disease and hyperthyroid in 99 then I had a baby in 2004 and the post partum insanity just wouldn't wear off. I was crying, i was angry, I was a lot of things all rolled into one. Then came the bipolar dx in 2004. We did 7 different drugs all at varying dosages and the only solution was an anti-anxiety, mixed with effexor and an antidepressant at night that turned me into a zombie. I eventually weened myself off of all of these and have not been on meds for almost 2 years. Then a few weeks ago following a few random incidents of my body refusing to cooperate came the dx for MS.

This combined with the landlord running off with our deposit and having the house we are renting foreclosed and having to move next week and all of the MS testing and issues with my ex trying to get custody of our child set this whole bipolar thing into full swing again. I am an emotional wreck I am either crying, laughing or picking a fight and there is no in between.

Needless to say I will be bringing all of this up with the neuro tomorrow. But the pain and the refusal of my body to work properly have left me so frustrated that my mind seems to be in overdrive.

All of these things are related and no one seems to know why. I am so sorry you have to go through this but you are not alone. I am always a PM away. And I am off of work until Monday with no other way to entertain myself.

[lady_express_44]

No, I would not think that is bi-polar, at least if that is the only type of behavior you exhibit, ie. anger (albeit excessive) about what seems like an unreasonable request.

Bi-polar would normally include irratic behaviour, like gambling your rent money away; sleeping with 10 men in a weekend; or other extremely destructive & compulsive behavior. It's like a roller coaster of emotions, but also includes extreme "high's" and "low's" in behavior too.

Bipolar (manic depression) causes "moods", which effect changes in energy and behavior. The periods of ups and downs are called episodes of “mania” and depression.

A manic attack is diagnosed if “elevated mood occurs with three or more of the other symptoms, nearly every day, for one week or longer”.

If the “mood is irritable, four additional symptoms must be present”.

According to the following site, the signs and symptoms of mania include:

• Increased energy, activity, and restlessness
• Excessively “high,” overly good, euphoric mood
• Extreme irritability
• Racing thoughts and talking very fast, jumping from one idea to another
• Distractibility, can’t concentrate well
• Little sleep needed
• Unrealistic beliefs in one’s abilities and powers
• Poor judgment
• Spending sprees
• A lasting period of behavior that is different from usual
• Increased sexual drive
• Abuse of drugs, particularly cocaine, alcohol, and sleeping medications
• Provocative, intrusive, or aggressive behavior
• Denial that anything is wrong

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publi...lication.shtml

I would suggest that what you are experiencing is "emotional lability", which is quite common with MS. It can be exacerbated by fatigue, especially.

Cherie

[kicker]

MS can cause Lability of emotions - I anger faster (ask DH), I cry easier, I laugh easier, but events of short duration and intensity and targets. What Manic behavior have you exhibited? Diagnosis of such disorders are a tricky area, while MS and mood swings and Depression happen, a second opinion after more behavior is exhibited would be warrented. Talk to your neuro. In his/her opinion, are behaviors within realm of MS or outside realm. Are they situational or recurring?

[Jules A]

((Marissa))
Kudos to you for recognizing this as problematic rather than making a bazzillion excuses as to why someone else was to blame and seeing a Doctor right away.

Can't dx anyone, lol, but it sounds like it could be either/and or/both. I do think it is good that your Doctor took this seriously and started you on meds especially since you have a family history of mental illness.

Hang in there and please keep us posted. I'm so glad things worked out in the end. We needs our jobs.

P.S. have you considered chewing some nicotine gum or wearing a patch at work? I remember when I smoked jonesing for a stogie was enough to make me nearly pyschotic.

[Chazen18]

Thanks to all who have replied. I also have many times where I will be extremely hyper and giddy. To the point where my boyfriend asks me what is wrong with me. I always blame it on coffee, but I know that if I am in a "down" mood that coffee doesn't affect me like that. I do not have the extreme ups and downs. No gambling money away or anything like that. But I do have a strong urge to drink at times (I've been sober for a year and a half now) never an actual alcoholic, just a young partier. Honestly there are times that I want to spend my money however I want but my boyfriend usually helps bring me back to the unfortunate reality that I have bills to pay and a car to keep moving with gas.

As far as concentration, I have none. I work at that call center and I repeat myself all day long, so I tend to get bored and frustrated beyond belief. Also, Ill be in the middle of saying something and I'll totally forget what I just said because I wasn't paying attention to myself. I zone out frequently into what I like to call "Marissa World".

My doctor explained to me that there is a major misconception of bipolar disorder, because there are many different versions of it, quite like MS. She said there is the mild case, which I have, and then there is the severe case which would be where people gamble, drink, and snort their lives away on mania binges.

I don't really know, but I know that I am not able to control what moods I am in. I have tried really hard for the last year, but I know I just have to keep my job. To do that I need some outside source, antidepressants/mood stabilizers, to continue leading a normal life until I can learn to control it myself.

Once again I appreciate all the comments and suggestions!

[Chazen18]

Originally Posted by Jules A

((Marissa))
P.S. have you considered chewing some nicotine gum or wearing a patch at work? I remember when I smoked jonesing for a stogie was enough to make me nearly pyschotic.

I really don't have a problem waiting for a cig. I usually get a break every 2 hours so I get to have a smoke then. Honestly, I should think about it though. I would love to quit smoking. It's so gross and expensive, but for some reason I like it....

[lady_express_44]

Frankly, I wouldn't trust a GP to assess a psychiatric illness, especially if it is this "mild". I would go to a professional; a psychiatrist!

There is also a very active Bi-polar forum at Neurotalk, with some fantastic & helpful members, so I'd suggest you go yak with them a bit too ...

Cherie

[FaithS]

Marissa --

My situation is somewhat different. I'd been dx w/ bipolar, although my psychiatrist last said that it looked more like a mood disorder, because it tends to include manic behavior, but not depression.

However, the kick is that it occurs only when I am in an MS flare. Not every time, but just about. And, I generally end up hospitalized in a mental health facility for 1-3 weeks, due to my manic and pychotic symptoms.

It is very frustrating for me, for my family, and for doctors because mental health doctors don't know much about MS, and my MS docs don't know much about mental health issues. In my case, treating me for one or the other has never been effective. I need to be treated with both high-dose steroids for MS and mental health meds.

Sorry to hear about your situation. My mood disorder definitely turns me into "someone I am not". Glad you were able to keep your job.

~ Faith

[0357]

See a good, trained with MS patients as well, psychiatrist. They can correctly diagnose you and treat you.

I am manic/depressive. It started with rages (blow-ups...things that would have never bothered me before set me off). I was put on Trilafon which has been a lifesaver in this regard.

The manic side occurs and with MS fatigue helps me feel somewhat normal. As time went on the manic side appeared more often making it difficult to sleep for days on end. I would feel on-top-of-the-world; very happy and up. Let me add near the beginning I was put on a low dose of Klonopin to help me sleep at night which too is common with MS.

Poor decision on purchases occurred but with our limited income it didn't amount to much. Have someone else help monitor your buying habits 'if' possible.

So far I am managing as is on the medications I'm on. Lately, MS fatigue has become more of an issue and it has been months since I've been manic, unable to sleep.

Too, let me add I'm on Wellbutrin SR to help with the depression which pops up from time to time.

Take care.