[smithclayriley]

I'm sending this to get you in the mood to start your Christmas
baking.......or eating, whatever the case may be

I hate this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced
frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police come out
with their annual tips on how to get through the Christmas
holidays without gaining 10 pounds. You can't pick up a magazine
without finding a list of holiday eating do's and don'ts, encouraging
you to eliminate second helpings, high-calorie sauces and cookies
made with butter. Fill up on vegetable sticks, they say. Good grief.
Is your favorite childhood memory of Christmas a carrot stick?
I didn't think so. Isn't mine, either. A carrot was something you
left for Rudolph.

I have my own list of tips for holiday eating. I assure you, if you
follow them, you'll be fat and happy. So what if you don't make it
to New Year's? Your pants won't fit anymore, anyway.

1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on
a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In
fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where
they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt
scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch.
You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who
cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're
going to turn into an egg-nogaholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy
it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's
Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of
gravy. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it
with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk
or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a
sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control
your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat
other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello? Remember college?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New
Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.
This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after
circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and
that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position
yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before
becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair
of shoes. You can't leave them behind. You're not going to see them
again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each.
Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin.
Always have three. When else do you get to have more than
one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have
some standards, mate.

10. And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the
party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.

Bonnie

[Twinkletoes]

Thanks for the tips.

What advice do you have for getting rid of all the boxes of nuts and chocolates my DH brings home from work this time of year?

[jcitron]

I love the tips and in particular the one about egg-nog which is one of my favorite things. I rarely drink milk, but when the egg nog is around watch out!

John

[lurkingforacure]

And, I'm looking forward to your tips for the New Year!!!

[rd42]

What is fruit cake anyway?

Fruit good. Cake good. Fruitcake... nasty crap
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Im9Le9Vy2o

My apologies if you are fond of fruit cake. One of the step childs of holiday foods.

[indigogo]

I've already gone through a half gallon of eggnog. By myself.

I make mashed potatoes with half and half and butter.

I put gravy on everything on my plate.

I believe every holiday gathering is an opportunity for champagne.