[RedPenguins]

I have my head hung low today.

Well, it seems that 2008 was never meant to be my year. From the very start, on Jan 4, when I was diagnosed with MS out of the blue...

After faring so well for the 4.5 months since my experimental treatment, I thought I was pretty much home free. After all, in the first 6 months of 2008, I had not gone more than a week without my health worsening and new symptoms/disabilities appearing. I celebrated with glee.

And then a little over a week ago, the glee started to lack it's shine. I began having symptoms.

I saw my local neurologist last Tuesday and he agreed that I was having a flare-up. We had thought that it was a pseudo flare-up (caused by external factors such as stress, hormones, infection, etc.). When I spoke with my doctors at Hopkins, they said to go for an MRI immediately and have blood/urine labs done (and not wait until end of December for my 6 month review).

The blood work and urine came up negative for signs of infection.

On Friday I had an MRI and they did the reading stat...so my doctor knew the results within a few hours. (Un)Fortunately, the MRI tech had told me all that I needed to know - when injected with the dye, the MRI "lit up like a Christmas tree" meaning that I had active lesions. This was no pseudo flare - it was a full blown exacerbation with new damage in my brain. Of course, I didn't get overly upset until the doctor confirmed it at 6pm on Friday.

On Saturday afternoon I began IV steroid treatment. The nurse will come to my home daily for 6 days to administer high dose steroids in an attempt to lessen some of the symptoms. Yippy. Nothing like an IV pole in your family room to spread the holiday cheer. (oooh, maybe I should deck it out with Xmas lights??) Having double vision while looking at christmas lights outside is certainly a fun show, though.

The original prediction of my disease course before I had the chemo treatment was that I would be in a wheelchair by Christmas. Well, while I won't fully be in a wheelchair in 2 weeks - I know I will be having to use one in the airports while traveling.

I am still besides myself and totally devastated. I feel like an utter failure. Definitely need to figure out how it is that I have shame that the treatment isn't working.

2008 isn't going out much better than it started.

(And yes, if you have some cheese to go with my whine, I will gladly take it. Though I'm not much of a cheese person, I do like Polly-O mozzarella cheese, which I just can't find out here in Los Angeles...it seems to be another one of those East Coast things - like Drakes Cakes. Oh, and if you're going to send the cheese, why not add in some Dunkin Donuts too, please.)

[dmplaura]

You're not an utter failure because a treatment option didn't work like a magic wand being waved around with fairy dust. I hope you're feeling better soon and that 2009 proves to be a better year for you.

[Gazelle]

How about A-Treat soda and Tastycakes?



You can't cause medications to work. You are NOT to blame for this.

Take a deep breath, step back, and regroup.

Most important thing right now is for you to get yourself feeling better.

[FinLady]

Sorry to hear that particular treatment didn't work out for ya. Remember it was the med that failed you, not the other way around. Hope you feel better soon and that 2009 is a better year.

[ewizabeth]

Aw Keri...

I'm sorry for the flare-up but I hope it remits soon. It is not your fault that the treatment failed.... I also hope 2009 will be a much better year for you...

[Judy2]

I'm so sorry your treatment results have "gone south", Keri. Please don't beat yourself up though, it's just the nature of this beast we live with. Concentrate on feeling better now, then you and your doc can decide what to try next. As I'm sure you know, what works for one person may not work for another, plus there are no guarantees.

Don't lose hope -- 2009 is coming and that "magic pill" may come along! Take care........

[bluenurse]

Don't feel like a failure, because the treatment hasn't stopped the progression. Hold your head high because you took a chance on a new treatment!! I'm so sorry you are having a new set-back, hope the roids get you back on track.

[lady_express_44]

Keri, what exactly is the claim with regard to HiCy? Is it hoped to affect disease progression, or relapse rates, or ??

As I explained in your other thread, having a relapse (or not) doesn't mean that the disease process hasn't slowed. What I am waiting for is a drug that claims to affect the DISEASE, not just one inconvenient component of the disease. While it is nice to not have as many relapses, if I still end up in the same position/condition I would otherwise have been in 10 - 15 yrs anyway, I don't care to take a boat-load of drugs just to avoid relapses.

It may be that this drug is working in some way, but only time will tell. I do not think you can judge it's effectiveness on having a relapse though.

You've tried the biggest guns; Tysabri and HiCy . . . so how about trying a itty bitty 4.5 mg pill of LDN now . . . ?

My points are there are still other options out there, so don't get too discouraged. Also that no matter what we take, it doesn't mean we won't have ANY relapses . . . they haven't found a cure (especially for ALL aspects of this disease) as it is just too misunderstood and complex of a disease yet.

Cherie

[PolarExpress]

(((((HUGS))))) Keri...I'm so sorry you feel like, you know, these days..Don't give up hope, though! Maybe this is just a temporary setback. Things will look up for you again soon, I'm praying for it!

[SandyC]

Your not a failure, MS is.