[who moi]

"look papo, it's a sword!!" "J" yelled in excitement as he picked up a stick.

I murmured to myself about how dirty it was but the big glowing grin on his face made me swallowed my disgust at how dirty the stick looked.

It was covered with moss AND a little bit of Spanish Moss. I gently pulled away the Spanish Moss for I've been warning him that it might make him itch (due to the chiggers).

Nevertheless, he waved the "sword" with all his might and a big smile while his blue eyes sparkled under the winter sun.

we had been trekking for awhile now, through one of the parks near us where an old anchor is now a town Sculpture. it is "anchored" down by two rebars and has a big plaque that boasts about its history during the old marine war times in our tiny town. It is surrounded by chained links but none of that mattered to J.

He inquired as to what it was but stopped listening after I got to the ship part and that he didn't liked the word "anchor" . So he decided to call the anchor, "SHIP".

A "good guy" that loves to fight the "bad guys" (guess who's always the bad guy? ) he immediately looked for a sword and so there I was, being "killed" by this dirty old moss covered sword.

There were just the two of us in this big empty park that is surrounded by old oak trees and a swing and of course, the "Ship".

the grassy ground were our ocean as J chased the bad guy and claimed himself victor each time as the bad guy would shout in agnoy right before his demise and fall to the ground only to be poked to be asked to be alive again just to be killed again.

his crisp and youthful voice echoed through the park with constant laughters...I would see drivers passing by with big smiles on their faces...

J's golden hair glistened beneath the sun and the occassional breeze would blew his hair that revealed innocence and immaculation in his beaming eyes...

but exhaustion was to follow sooner or later and in this case, much too later for this old papo...

I finally was able to pursuade him to head home so we could watch some TV and have our snacks and some drinks.

he reluctantly agreed but asked to keep his sword and I smiled and nodded with approval...

I reached out for his tiny hand and down the blocks we walked as we journeyed to our home...

his tiny hand was cold at first but soon warmed up in mine and I could feel how "meaty" it was and how squirmy it was. His tiny fingers are not delicate but soft and they felt like sponges in my hand...

Tight yet gently I held his hand while his eyes scouted the surroundings with enthusiasm.

his hand finally relaxed in mine as if trusting me with all his might while he asked questions with almost every single objects that we passed...the 10 minute walk to home became a 40 minute jaunt full of questions and curiosities that can only come out of a 3 yo that made my heart smile. With each funny question I couldn't help but laugh and jerk my hand that transmitted to his hand while happiness jolted and rejuvenated my clouded mind.....

I doubt somehow, even Einstein was able to answer some of his questions and that made me chest puffed a little, as if I was now in the same league as Einstein.

I looked up to the sky, it was clear and blue...I turned to look at J and I grinned a toothy grin while he reciprocated in kind...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My grandma started to walk with a limp when I was about 6 yo. Mom said she had became diabetic and that her feet hurted and swelled and that's why she walked that way....

She had come up to see my brother and me but my brother was at his friend's house when she arrived...

Grandma was happy to see me and she immedately took me out to spend some alone time with me and I was happy to be able to spend some alone time with her...

there was a big park close to us where parts of it had some old beat up walls surrounding it. Some of the walls had the bricks beneath the mortars showing and there were a lot of patched up plasters here and there while the base of the wall was yellow...a light canary yellow....

the dusty red bricks along with the patches against the yellow wall with parts of it dilapidated made very interesting contrasts...to me, it was a major eyesore but grandma liked the wall...she said it reminded her of when she was small when her father would walk her by these very same walls and that the patches made it even better...

I didn't get it...

I could see that grandma was walking like a penguine and in pain so I asked her why she was walking funny.

She reached out her hand and held mine as she started to talk about her pains and her swollen feet and asked me if I would like become a doctor one day so that I could cure her of her ailments.

I nodded my head with determination and told her that I would one day and that I would cure her of her pain with a strong conviction in my voice. She smiled brightly at me and held my hand tighter.

Her hand felt a bit "dry" and wrinkly but there was a stream of warmth that flowed from her through me...

I held her hand carefully as to not to hurt her but also was firm enough to let her know that I loved holding her hand as we walked and talked along with me shooting constant questions at her left and right...

She would turn and smile at me on occassion and her wrinkled face looked like there were 10 lips smiling and it made me smile...the sun was behind her yet I could remember her eyes sparkled as I felt more warmth from her hand to mine...

A deafening siren sounded sometime during our walk that frightened me as I held her hand tighter while I clutched her arm with my other hand.

She held me tight and asked me if I was scared...I told her no, although I was...but I knew I was safe because she held my hand in such a way that the world was safe...

we walked and walked and she never let go of my hand...

she limped the whole way, I remembered...and I remembered that I made a promise to myself that I was going to cure her one day.

That day, though, I was just happy to hold her hand as if I was guiding her and I was proud of myself for leading my grandma because I had become such a grown up now while I showed and told her what I thought I knew...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

J was now done asking me questions and was now telling me why this flower was this way and that tree was that way.

Now he was showing off his "knowledge" about everything and the logics and what came out of his mouth made me chuckled and smiled...

he'd put such definite tones about his reasonings as to why things were the things they were

I could only answer with an "uh huh..." here and there and grin to myself yet to him, it affirmed his answers that I could feel the "glow" in his hand through mine while he puffed out his chest with pride...

thoughts of grandma holding my hands from long time past crossed my mind and I wondered if he felt as safe in my hand as I'd felt mine in my grandma's...

All of a sudden, I thought to myself...."I got it!!" as the flowers and the trees and the houses turned into plaster patches and old dusty bricks on the yellow dilapidated walls......

[mistiis]

Those tiny hands filled with love are very nice cures indeed...love makes the world go round....

[soxmom]

Thank you Moi...you just warmed my heart.

[Addy]

Ahhhhhhh....... the circle of life.....

thanks so much, my friend, for sharing the treasures of you life with us...

[FeelinGoofy]

brought a smile to my face

[Nik-key]

((moi)) I love reading your stories, it does my heart good. Thank you for sharing with us

[who moi]

LOL thank you everyone...

our little J was here for a month...he left on Monday...and left a hole in both the moss and I...

I have really bonded with him and I can see his little hand prints and foot prints everywhere...literally and metamorphically...

there is a tiny dirty hand print of his on one of our walls...I have NOT cleaned it....

it is both bitter sweet for me....I see it I want to clean it...I see it I don't want to clean it because it makes me smile....

*sigh...

we now have our grand daughter with us and I'd better get off the puter, she's waiting for papo to take her out to play....

[Alffe]

Oh they are taking turns!!! I love it!!

[who moi]

due to some circumstances, we had to take "J" back with us after we visited up north back in the beginning of Jan.

we left early that morning and didn't get back to our home here that night...

that night was the very first night in his life that he had been alone without his sister...

in the three short years of his life, she's been his only constant through the many different places they've stayed, she was his only consistent safetly net.

While our adventures on the long trip was fun and exciting, that night, he had a reality check when we put him in his own room which he was actually excited all day about and now he was scared and was now asking for his sister...

he cried and we tried...da wife had to go to work the next day so I asked her to go to bed while I stayed up with him...

we talked while I held him in my arms...

for the first time in my life...I felt something unfamiliar within me...it is different from wanting to protect my family or my wife...

it is something more than wanting to protect him...it is a nexus that I am still not able to explain...if I have to use the word, BONDED, then that word would have to be powered to the X...

perhaps some chemical changes happened inside me(womenopause??) when I put him back in bed and I reached out and touched and held his tiny hand...

there is something special and unexplanable when something so small is in my hand...how could something so small feel just as warm as my hand...how could something so small be so powerful...enough to make a man wanting to fight a lion...

the remnants of tears still on his face slowly dried as he began to fell asleep, his apple like cheeks a little chafed from the travel and the cold, his long eyelashes curved skyward creating a smile below each eyebrow...

...he's a thumb sucker so his lips were busy

but with the other hand, he held my hand tight...as I held his tight...

something surged through me...it connected us...at that very moment, I knew...

they were both here last October for a month and while I fell in love with them. I still wasn't totally sure that I was 100% ready
to take on two very active kids....

but at the moment that our hands touched, I knew, when the power of little fingers and soft palm rested in my cracked fingers and my big callous hand, the question of why mothers would die for their children was answered in my mind...

I closed my eyes and I told myself that I would do whatever it is that I need to do to ensure that he grows up safe and strong
and protected...

but back then, it was just a mission...

now, it's love....

[jaded2nite]

Moi

This post needed a tissue alert!!!

Thanks for sharing!

Dottie