[Alffe]

"as a psychologist who has worked with hundreds of suicidal people, I am also painfully aware that depression is the common cold of our society, that even untreated depressions lift, that therapy works, that our society's insidious ageism (believed so by the elderly as well as the young) inspires self-destruction, and that the great majority of the problems over which people end their lives are not the extraordinary ones of facing a certain and painful death, but the ordinary ones of broken hearts and shattered dreams. Even the most savage hopelessness passes, sometimes with no more than the balm of time."

Suicide, The Forever Decision by Paul Quinnett

[Nik-key]

Now if they would just package up and sell this balm of time

((Alffe)) as always, a wonderful post Words to ponder....


"Even the most savage hopelessness passes..........."

Words to remember and live by

[GmaSue]

The soothing ability of a balm is dependent on the properties it contains.

And the kind of experiences that are encountered during time determines how much it will bring comfort-or just a scab of numbness, ready to be ripped open again at the first sharp encounter.

So the question remains. What can we include or arrange or focus on during our time of re-emergence that can bring about healing?

[mistiis]

Dear sweet Gmasue...(((hugs))) such a good question that requires a lot of thought to even try to answer..lol..no easy answer. Maybe we can bat it around a little bit.

It does seem obvious that as individuals our experiences are also so indivudualistic, as is the way that we perceive and react to any given experience in our life. Some people are allergic to certain meds and even the allergic reaction can be different and at different intensities, some are life threatening, and some are not.

So too, are our individualistic reactions to any given life situation. So the 'ingredients' or 'balm' that is needed could, and would, be highly individualistic.

I think we search and are drawn to those people and things which will help us. We may try something only to find it doesn't work and have to try something else. This is true even with medications.

Who is your doctor in life? Do you depend entirely on medication or do you have faith in something beyond the ability of any doctor or medication? I think we have to get in touch with our own inner strength, and how we go about that is also highy individualistic. Sometimes we can touch on it intensely and it gives us strength to get through and can give us insight as to what we need to do, or, what 'balm' we need to heal and persevere.

For some people it is prayer, others meditation. For some it is conventional medication, others healing herbs and alternative medicine. And for some it is a mixture of both.

I think, above all, we need love in our lives. Real love, not the fantansy that the world tries to present to us. How we get that is up to us. We need real friends, real people, a real dream, and answers to the real questions about life. We need something that will keep us wanting to get through those hard times, something to reach for, and something to make it worth it. I hope this makes sense.

I love your 'deep' questions about life my dear friend. I hope you are doing well. sssssss

Please keep in mind, this is just me thinking out loud....

[GmaSue]

Dear Mistiis, The problem is that even though my questions might seem deep-my answers are fickle. Up and down and sideways. And slippery. Can't get ahold of 'em to make them count. or last. or work, hardly. too little, too late. day late, dollar short.

Real love, yes that's the key. And I have that from my wondeful husband.
But the pain still does its damage and is so unrelenting, it messes with your mind.

[Alffe]

Originally Posted by GmaSue

The soothing ability of a balm is dependent on the properties it contains.

And the kind of experiences that are encountered during time determines how much it will bring comfort-or just a scab of numbness, ready to be ripped open again at the first sharp encounter.

So the question remains. What can we include or arrange or focus on during our time of re-emergence that can bring about healing?

Painfully true...sometimes it takes so little to start "bleeding" yet again.
Whether your pain is physical or emotional, sometimes you think that numbness will never return.

And it was is so wearing and so persistant....duh, you all know that.

[GmaSue]

aha..now I can give myself advice...seeing the same sentiments I expressed reflected in someone else's words brings out the Ann Landers in me...

Here's one answer: As promoted as relentlessly as our pain by Hallmark and our animal companions, there is real power in celebrating the moments of our lives. Which brings me back once again to the truth that first sold me on the wisdom of this forum. I knew there was probably not going to be a huge answer to found here, but the small nuggets of gold peppered throughout are brilliant.

So we can search out and give power to small ideas that enlighten, small truths that strengthen, small (even incredibly small) antidotes to pain and spin them all into a whole cloth of comfort and hope.

We can look for that slight glimmer of hope and recognize it's ability to illuminate our dark corners of despair, especially if we nurture it half as much as we sometimes nurture our pain.

I think it is dear Vonn who speaks about the comfort of warming our hands on the cup while we are drinking our tea. That is a much better way to drink a cup of tea than just holding it by the handle and "gittin 'er done".

OK, now I am on a roll...someone get out the hook...shuffling off to make hot tea in a smooth ceramic cup...

[Alffe]

And having no control over the source of our pain, no knowledge of how long it will last, where it will come from next....it's like having a fist full of wind. ~sigh

[mistiis]

This is so true GmaSue. That is why I have in my siggy, "There is always a joy waiting to bloom." That may seem impractical. But, in reality, it is not. And you just cited a perfect expample. Here is another one from my own experience: I was in a very bad place, pain both emotional and physical tearing at me and tearing me down. I have dealt with chronic pain for close to 20 years, and that is just the physical, we won't even go into the emotional and spiritual right now.

I like to get into my car and drive to someplace that is remote and is in a natural setting. This is just something I have always done when I need to express my pain and deal with it. It allows me the space that I need. A few weeks back I was doing just that and feeling very down, filled with pain, so much that I was nauseated with it. I pulled off on the side of the road, rolled down the windows, and sobbed, hard wracking sobs. Sometimes, it really does feel like the emotional pain will kill, it is so strong. Suddenly a cool breeze began to blow across my forehead. It was so comforting. I felt as though the hand of God were reaching out to comfort me. It was a very small joy indeed, but, also so very helpful. Allowing that joy to fill me in that moment, got me through the pain and suicidal thoughts filliing my mind. Once we allow our heart and our mind to open to, and be filled with joy that way, it is healing, and changes our focus from the pain to the joy in living with it and through it. It can also lessen the severity of it. That is kind of like using distraction. I'm sure you are very familiar with that.

Physical pain which is chronic and unrelenting does, indeed, tend to break us down. I understand the dark places it can lead to and what it can do to the mind. Been there many times. You are right about nourishing the pain, but, geezzz, it does capture our attention, how can it not? Trying to find ways to deal with the pain really is essential. I can't emphasize that enough. Please don't ever stop trying to deal with the physical pain. You may have to try many things and be open to what may yet help you. Of course there will always be ups and downs. Pain can be affected by so many things. Sometimes in my greatest moments of pain and despair, are the moments that I have also been touched with the greartest simple miracles. It is humbling. We are forced to reach out for help, sometimes again and again. I hope you find some of those simple miracles, actually, I hope we all do. sssssss

Sometimes we have to be courageous enough to try new things. I have found this to be so true in learning to deal with chronic pain.