[MandaC]

I am overcome with wanting to end things right now. I have pushed everyone away in my life and have no one and nothing left. No one around me can deal with my OCD and depression so they have all left me. I have no one to turn to. I want to end this life of pain and suffering. I don't know what I am living for. My heart just wants to quit. I don't know why it keeps beating. I am so damaged and broken by all who have left me. I know I will never find a companion who understands me and accepts me as I am. So why am I here? I can't fulfill myself. I can't find others to fulfill me. What's left? Nothing.

[Alffe]

You have come to the right place to talk about those feelings...most of us have been where you are now so we do "get it"

Manda, there are stickies at the top of the forum that I hope you'll read..What to do if you're feeling suicidal...and Pters wise words.

Take a deep breath and remember that you are talking about a "forever decision" and our lives change...given time they do...but you have to be alive for it to happen.

Keep talking..this is a wonderful place for support but people can't help you if they don't know how you feel.

[DMACK]

MandaC

What's left??????????????????????????????????????

HOPE

Thata what is left....hope that one day you can live with these feelings, that you can one day meet someone who is consideret enough to understand you, except you and help you overcome the desperate feelings you have.

Hope is an expectation that things will get better, be easier to bare, tollerable....without HOPE ....we all give up.

Welcome to SOS.. my dear friend the warmth you will undoubtedly recieve from this marvollous group of people ...will soon make you realise HOPE is the answer....courage....and hope....

This rough time you are going through will pass ..........learn to take baby steps....it takes time to get through these feelings...but you can come through it...and life can change...[you have to make it happen]

Depression really does suck....but a good lady willl soon tell you on here....SUICIDE IS A FOREVER DESCICION.................Dont make that choice today....tomorrow will come,, with new choices, new chances,,,and above all new HOPE.

kEEP POSTING MandaC...vent your feelinings.....its good therapy...its free...and the support is WARM.

David

[MandaC]

Thank you for the responses.

I just don't get it. I'm actually asking people for help, and they're turning away. This one guy I used to kind of date really understood my feelings of depression and my OCD. He always said he'd never hold it against me, that he'd always be tolerant. Now, I'm sending him texts telling him I'm not ok and he's ignoring me. Why doesn't he care if I end things? Isn't it GOOD that I'm telling people I'm not ok? Aren't people supposed to WANT me to be ok? I don't get it. I know he's getting my messages. What have I done for someone not to care if I'm dead or alive?

Even my female friends are getting sick of the same old sad story I have to give. I don't speak because I want attention. I speak because my thoughts just keep going around and around in my head and I can't let them do that forever, so I talk.

Why am I reaching out and having people turn away? I'm actually ASKING for help. I thought that was the right step....

[Burntmarshmallow]

Hi Manda
You ARE doing the right thing by talking and asking for help.
Sometimes people do not know what to do or how to act when a friend shares with them that they need help.Maybe they have never been in that type of situation . It is one of those things that has a zillion answers why. It dose NOT mean they dont care .They just dont know what to do or how to act. They may be afraid . But you ARE doing the right thing asking for help. it is one of the hardest things to do and I am proud of you.! shows you are brave and a fighter reaching and not giving up.
I was wondering if you have ever gone to counciling ? lots of us here have or are and it is one of the best ways to get help. One of the best places to seek help .
when thoughts go round and round in my mind I write just to get it out. It is a coping skill for me.

I would try to find a good counciling pro that you feel comfortable talking to and sharing with. and keep sharing here letting your feelings out is helpful in itself. having support from this wonderful "family" here is even better.
I am glad you found us and send a hug to you. keep talking Manda.
PEACE
BMW

[MandaC]

Thank you, BMW. I just get so confused sometimes. I'm a very open person and sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be. I feel like I shouldn't trust people. And then, I think to myself, "if I don't trust people then what's the point of living and being an anti-social being?" which then leads to obvious suicidal thoughts. I want to trust people. I want to meet good people. I want to some day have a family.

Are there people here who have successfully overcome depression and suicidal tendencies and are happily married? Or should I start to become comfortable that I will be alone forever?

This all sounds so pitiful, I know. But these are real concerns for me. I want to be able to have a healthy relationship one day.

[Lara]

Are there people here who have successfully overcome depression and suicidal tendencies and are happily married? Or should I start to become comfortable that I will be alone forever?

Dear Manda,
I have been away for a bit but see you are reasonably new to the forums here.

Yes, it is possible to overcome depression and live very fulfilling lives. Sometimes certain situations we find ourselves in will make us very sad. That can be a really regular response but there are also times when depression can take over and that's when we need to take steps to overcome that. Depression also can run in families as well, although it's often not talked about enough, so we may think we're the 'only one' who knows how dreadful it feels.

I would suggest you never ever ever get comfortable with depression or feeling that you're always going to be alone.

It doesn't have to be that way. I think we all meet people in our lives that we have trusted and befriended (sometimes even married ) only to find out that our trust has been betrayed. Trusting others after being hurt can take a lot of time for some people. We can find ourselves pushing people away too both emotionally and physically but that's so that we're not hurt again. I personally don't believe that happy relationships will make us happy. I believe that we need to find security and happiness in ourselves first and then the happy relationships will fall into place.

I don't know how old you are or how long you've been feeling this way, but all is not lost. I hope you have someone there that you do trust to talk over these feelings with... like a counsellor of some type. I know this might sound a little clichéd but have you ever sat down and written a list of all your accomplishments you have made during your life, or all the qualities you have that you feel are good? They don't need to be huge things, just start with the little things.

Feel better soon, and keep talking.

[BlueMajo]

Manda ! Sweetheart !! Are you my twin ?? I have felt exactly the same... (You can read my old posts), so, I understand your sadness, your worries...

David (as always) has explained things perfectly and beautifully... Manda, give yourself another chance.. Another chance to live, to enjoy, to laugh... Tomorrow comes and is full of new things... Some of those things might be nice If not tomorrow, the next day, or the next one... Just give time to time... Believe it or not, time heals Try to live second by second...

About people leaving... Oh yeah... I have felt that too... Like everybody forgeting about me and traicioning me but, but, BUT ! Wait... Some leave, but new ones arrive to fill our lives



Take care and come talk to us.

And, do you take any medicines for depression ? They help

[Abbie]

Hi Manda and Welcome to our little corner of the world!!!

Your pictures are beautiful!!!

You are young and as David (DMACK) said... HOPE!!! Hope is what's left.... You have hope... I saw it the moment that I read your first post... without hope.. you wouldn't have posted.


I am so proud of you for reaching out!!! That step is sometimes the hardest one to take!!!!

Have you talked with your parents about what you are feeling?? I'm sure they want the best for you.... I can see how proud of you they are in your pictures!!!

Since I don't know where you are geographically.... Here are some links and phone numbers... please call if you are in crisis!!!

United States:
1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK
Teen line: 1-800-367-7287

Canada
http://www.suicideinfo.ca/csp/go.aspx?tabid=77

World Wide:
http://suicideandmentalhealthassociationinternational.org/Crisis.html

Please keep talking with us... but please call one of the numbers above or go to the emergency room if you are in crisis!!!!


Abbie

[mistiis]

Hi Manda, and welcome to our family... I'm sorry that you are facing such difficulties, but, happy that you have found us and are reaching out for help. That is a GOOD thing. And, yes, you need to keep doing it, even if those around you don't know quite how to respond.

There is always hope, things always change. Sometimes, painfully slowly. I too, believe, that we need to find some self-confidence in ourselves to be really happy in life. We need to have a dream and a reason to go on. Sometimes, these things are hard to see, especially when depression clouds our view of the world around us.

There are times when we need help to deal with it. I hope you will find that help. Keep reading and reaching. I have fought suicidal thoughts most of my life, and am happy that I am still here. There will always be those valleys to deal with, but, everytime you find a way to overcome, you will be stronger the next time. Life is worth living even when you have to find ways to deal with depression. It can, actually, in time, add meaning to life.

Give yourself some time to search out ways that will work for you. You can do it. I know you can. You have a future that can be happy and fulfilling. Baby steps. Find anything small at all that will give you a reason to smile and to live.