I was diagnosed bipolar almost 4 years back. But that wasn't my main problem, it was the fear and anxiety and the stigma associated with it. My selfesteem has been constantly on the downhill ever since and my fear of social situations (in a closed work area, or just a walk ) has increased tremendously. I fear that someone will come and try to pick a fight or just belittle me for no reason.
I was on klonopin and serequel for the first year after my diagnosis but then i quit. I did not go to any therapist after that , thinking it will not help and my faith and change of lifestyle should help me overcome this. But i havent been motivated enough to change, maybe its the depression or the negativity in me holding me back.
I have lost interest in a lot of things and I thought reading might help, but it didnt as i feel like i should be reading to get knowledge that will help with my future career but I am unable to decide on where i should be heading to now, as i percieve my old work environment as hostile now, and feel that I have to fight to make room for me at work. I havent done much financially constructive things in the last 2 years and I now I think I am having a lot of focus issues now and am really worried about dementia.
Is there hope for someone who thinks he has wasted the last few years doing nothing but clinging to past ? How do I get out of this vicious cycle of blame and depression and negativity?

Hi, Skeptic,

Yes. I understand the feeling of maybe a lost life.
Support from therapists and psychiatrists have helped.

Do you take walks or do other exercise? That can help considerably with anxiety and other things. Do you have anxiety?

M

Thanks M, I do have a lot of anxiety.. specially thinking about and being in a social situation. My mind goes into a fear mode if i go out anywhere of what others might say to me. In a conversation I usually find it difficult to be relaxed, and I constantly worry about what the other person might say or percieve of me, so much so that I cant even hold an intelligent conversation anymore.. just the basic chitchat and then walk away. I was biking a few months ago but now i just stay indoors..thinking whats the use. I havent seen a therapist and now i am giving it serious thought. I constantly worry a lot specially about not achieving and going downhill.

I think that getting a therapist is an excellant idea. and I wonder if you would be interested in trying a mood stabilizer for your bipolar.
klonipion could help with your anxiety issues.
you sound very depressed and isolated.
I am sorry that you are going thru this and am glad that you are reaching out tous.
thank you for posting.
keep talking we are listening.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Hello, and I am glad you found this site. No you didn't waste your time. You did do some things to try to help yourself. Just trying to read a book is a good thing. Any small movement forward is good. Keep coming back here for support. If you feel your moods just arn't good enough to give you good quality of life, maybe you should consider going back for council. I did that and changed from seroqeul to zoloft and my mood is better. Depression can sure be a hard battle. It is easier with the people who have helped me though some of the ruff spots. There is no stigma here regarding depression or by polar or anything else. Only compassion and a deep caring. I do wish you all the best. ginnie

Thanks everyone for your support. It actually feels good to be letting all this out. I know klonopin / serequel were great when i was taking them almost 3 years ago and I felt in the moment but still I had issues because I think most people wanted me to be off the meds and deal with it without them as they may have long term side effects, or it might help me gain confidence by not taking meds and facing this head on. Which I did for a while but then I now find myself struggling with this social anxiety and fear.. I was actually selfmedicating and taking klonopin even when I was not seeing the therapist 2 years ago. I thought I would just sleep and take meds and I will be ok eventually but did not realise that I actually needed to be involved in life. I will talk to a therapist and see what they recommend now as it has been almost 4 years since I have seen one and my anxities have grown immensly.

You may need to see a psychiatrist so that you can be evaluated for medications....and definitely schedule an appointment to see a therapist. YOu have a lot of issues that you are trying to deal with.
medication can help you and so can talk therapy.
bizi

HI,

It's good that you are taking steps toward helping yourself get better.


M

Hello Skeptic,

i am sorry you are facing all these difficulties and it sounds as though they are mounting. glad you are reaching out and seeing what you can do to help yourself, starting by posting here. you are not alone, many of us have similar problems. feel free to vent here.

i agree it will be beneficial to resume therapy, and i also hope you will consider medications. the social anxiety sounds heavy... almost to the point of paranoia? sometimes a short course with a particular med can help and then it can be discontinued... doesn't have to be for life.

a lot of people think that meds are crutches or imply weakness, but we see them as tools for getting better and having a better quality of life. you mention side effects and indeed these must considered in that balance. some of us here could not do without meds at certain times, but the goal of both meds and therapy is to allow us to have the best quality of life possible.

i hope you find a therapist you "click" with... keep us posted on your progress.

and welcome a-"board." (((hugs)))

~ waves ~

i am sorry you are going through this. medication helped me and now finally my therapist is helping me just by being supportive. I think risperdal is helping my paranoia...which is probably related to my anxiety. it is also helping my irritability. i have fought with friends about my taking medication. i was diagnosed about nine years ago and i am 67. most of my life i was without medication and i can feel the difference and it has helped my suffering and i guess is worth the side effects.
glad you joined the forum
bobby