[bizi]

Originally Posted by OhKay

I've had a lot of mixed episodes, and it just doesn't feel like one to me. The only sx of a mixed episode on the manic spectrum is the paranoia, but I have plenty of symptoms of depression. IDK.

Unfortunately, I'm lacking some of the insight I usually have. As a whole, this is foreign to me, so I will do some research online, and maybe that will help me sort things out.

My thought is that my pdoc also thinks that this is a mixed episode. She hears "paranoia" and automatically thinks mania… and would rather keep me down vs. up because for me it's probably safer…
My depression was worse yesterday, but I expected that going back up to 400mg of Seroquel.

yes kay I hear paranoia and think mania as well.
did you mean to say 800mg of seroquel?
bizi

[mymorgy]

i don't necessarily think that

[Mari]

Signs of Paranoia Depression | LIVESTRONG.COM

. . . include isolation and detachment, hostility toward others, feelings that other people have hidden motives, and a low image of oneself.

M

[OhKay]

Originally Posted by bizi

yes kay I hear paranoia and think mania as well.
did you mean to say 800mg of seroquel?
bizi

Sorry...

I meant 400mg of gabapentin.

[bizi]

I am sorry you are not doing well.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

[OhKay]

Thank you for the link Mari
That hits the nail on the head.

I did some internet searches on my own, and I stopped because I wasn't getting the specific information I was looking for, and I was getting upset. I was paranoid psychotic, delusional, and hallucinating during my last two major episodes. I don't want to have to wade through any of that information and be reminded of all that right now… not a good time. I don't need to wallow in anymore self-pity.

I know I have a long history of paranoia. I don't know if it's ever happened when I've been depressed before, but it probably has. My records probably won't help. I reported feeling paranoid several times when I was diagnosed as BPII, but was blown off. I've had a lot of pdocs come and go over the years. My long term therapist (who has since left) had me diagnosed as BPI, but the pdocs obviously disagreed, and I wasn't dx as BPI until after the s/s attempt.


I laid down for a nap around 10am yesterday and didn't get up until my husband got home somewhere around 5:30pm!!!
Rocky had been all over me… he kept laying on my back, pawing at my face and hair, and rubbing his face all over my neck and cheeks… He was trying his best to wake me up because I had forgotten to feed the cats before I went into my coma… I felt so bad when I finally woke up

Despite my epic nap, I had no problem sleeping last night. I fell asleep around 10, and woke up at about 5:30am this morning, which is within my normal range.

I should have done laundry this morning, but I couldn't get motivated. I have to do it tomorrow. One morning I cleaned the bathroom, but I've done nothing else around here this week. I can't believe it's Thursday. I have to get my **** together today and get out of the house to run some errands. Maybe I can muster the energy to run the vacuum or something afterwards.

I have to get in the shower.

I'll get an opportunity to see if my paranoia has gotten better or not when I go out. My depression definitely has not. It's worse, but I expected that.

[Mari]

Kay,


I am sorry that you are going through this.

Sleep might be a good idea at this time. Also, staying home might be good.

You know what is best for you.


M

[bizi]

What do you think about calling your pdoc and speaking directly to her about what is now happening?
When is your next visit with her again?
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[OhKay]

I left a lot of detail in the message, and she decided the situation wasn't important enough to warrant speaking to me, and she hasn't called to check up on me.

I'm safe, so I kinda feel like **** it until I see her Monday.

[mymorgy]

hugs
love
bobby
it will get better