Thank you Mari

Bizi

I'm glad that you realize that you're drinking is out of control, and recognize that's a red flag that you're hypo
I know your pdoc isn't easily approachable, but I think you're having a significant episode, and it's time to reach out now before things get worse

I'm glad that you're not D/D. That's something that's really hard to do when you are having trouble with impulse control

It's not the time to worry about dieting, and don't judge yourself too harshly for your drinking too much as long as you are still keeping yourself safe…
Once you reach out to your pdoc for intervention, and get treatment to shut down this episode, you'll have much better impulse control

I binged during manic/hypomanic episodes like you are doing now, and it took me a long time before I made the connection. I beat myself up, too. Now that you've made the connection, let meds work for you. If I wasn't on the meds I'm on now, I have no doubt I'd still be constantly cycling and binging.

I can understand the fear of changing meds
But most pdocs will suggest the meds you've tried before and have worked for you in the past (zyprexa?), or increase the dose of a med you are already taking.
You should ask your pdoc about the most common side effects of new meds before you agree to take a one and walk out of her office with that script. You always have the right to refuse to take a med, and ask for an alternative.

I'm glad that you spent last night AF and were able to sleep
Let us know how trivia night goes.

The thing is that I don't even feel hypo right now. My behavior in regards to drinking, sneaking may just be me with a drinking problem.....
bizi

Call the pdoc or find a new one and make the call.


M

I agree with Mari.

I will look for a new one....
sigh
bizi

You can do it Bizi!

Being bipolar is a lot of work.

You have accomplished much and will continue to accomplish much.


M

I had one beer tonight and stopped before 9pm my new cut off time.
I went to several stores to get some items coffee, coconut milk, creamer
fruit, grapeseed oil for cooking, 6 pack of my favorite beer right now:
Founders porter. Yum!
I also bought some organic luncheon meat applegate farms and some sausages and some frozen vegitarian chili.
I worked today out of town. had lunch at mcdonalds, grilled chicken patty, milk and oatmeal it was delicious. I work out of town once a month on a saturday at a retirement home.

I raced back to town to go to a memorial service for a sweet woman friend of mine who died suddenly of a massive stroke. She was only 60 years old.
I saw her son and gave him a hug and then hugged her good friend...it is so hard to know what to say. I hate services. She told me lisa was an organ donor and that they were able to use 4 organs to save lives. That is wonderful.
Lisa had recently been retired and had a new 2nd husband. They were so happy together and loved by all.
It is still a shock thinking she is gone.
Life is precious. kiss your loved ones everyday.

Dinner was late cause jeff took a nap. He was hung over from last night.
and I went shopping to pick up things. so we did not eat until 8pm.
WE had a grilled pork chops and a big bowl of lentil spinach soup from the health food store which I added lemon and hot sauce because it needed something.
Sorry for rambling.
bizi

Confession:
Sort of skipped over trivia last night.....

last night hubby and I both drank too much.
he had 4- 13% beers in 4 hours. Fortunately he was sober enough to drive us home safely.
I had 5 each 7%, 16 oz beers in 4 hours So that is like 8 beers. I drank alot of water and got up several times thru out the night to drink more water and pieced together enough sleep to get up at 8 for the alarm to get ready for work.
I felt fine, no hang over so that was good.
sigh
Tonight I showed restraint. I only had one of my favorite beers, have 5 more in the fridge.
anyway, please no judgement here....
thank you
bizi

Bizi,

I want the best for you.


M

I'm sorry about your friend
It is hard to know what to say at wakes, funerals, and memorial services. I've been to too many to count. Mainly, people just need someone to listen, and comfort them, just as you did by providing hugs

I'm so glad you're going to look for a new pdoc
It's time to see someone more supportive