Eva, I think that sometimes people view those with medical and mental health challenges as needy or weak. In fact, it's often the opposite. Life has conditioned us to absorb many more blows than those who have been lucky. The same applies to the other difficulties we have faced in life. But that doesn't mean that it's always smooth ride.

I've had my share of problems with doctors. My PCP tells me not to be so judgmental… that I expect too much, but I expect compassionate and competent care, and I don't think that's asking too much.
I take so many meds for bipolar disorder, I don't take anything to treat my MS or its symptoms anymore. I've decided I'm just going to suck it all up because I don't want to be zombified, and I need the psych meds to work more than I need to be comfortable.

I'm so sorry that you are feeling so lonely… I think that your children are old enough that your obligation to stay alone is over. Your relationship with your granddaughter is different. She has in no way been effected by your drinking, so you do not need to unnecessarily punish yourself on her behalf. You deserve to have a life of your own

I am still with my husband, although we separated for 3 months in 2014. Even though there were already major problems in our marriage, the separation was mainly due to my inability to control my bipolar disorder and drinking. My husband is an alcoholic, but I have been sober since July 2015.


Kay

Hoping it will pass soon
Done
Me

In the Arms of the Angel Sarah McLachlan Lyrics - YouTube


Life is out there my dear friend....you talk a lot about faith

Now ask...and you will receive

Take time out to love you...cherish you..understand the inner you......

You have faith....use it


Your a good soul...open it up to the world


David

Something I would do in a hop skip a jump
No problem
Your hungry
I make you breakfast
My child got up to turn on the TV for her
But I get up and put up a cup of coffee to start my day
Sure ill make you breakfast
Yeah you read right
Got up to turn the TV for her
This is what I'm talking about
The helwhat help
I have to beg
I have to just shut up and do what I must
Till I just wont let her get the better of me and am forced to do it
Anymore I have to swallow
How give a S*** about her little tummy
And the rotten
Who I think I am attitude
I get her and it is not okay to dump on me because she knows I will never walk away
It's me
Me
What I allow into my life
It hurts anyway you look at it but one for certain
Pick something follow through
You want to be treated like a grow up
That the attitude
On a specific day
Her eighteenth birthday
Alone
And am not sure why she wanted to come back home because she knows the relationship is a job it is give and take
Not just take take take
And when I need them most
Nowhere to be helpful for me
The things they could do like food shopping
My baby sister called and said she would pick up Corissa and take her help her and bring her home
She is still sleeping
My granddaughter already made up a full two pages of tic tac toe
Getting off to make up a list
As she sleeps next to me
To lazy to wash her bedding
Oh
I need to top up on the card
She will ask to get her nails done
But not to top up
Done
Me

There is no reason I should have all the responsibility put on me
OCD blessing in some cases in my case
Itpushes me when I just don't have it and I push and push and push out something else that needed tending to
I have a good heart
A kind heart
A compassionate heart and it is just gets crushed trampled on manipulated right under my nose
And I don't even smell it
Everybody gets together today
Me and baby are staying home
She needs to get well before school starts again Tuesday

I have given up completely on any one who calls me their friend
In my case
There is no case
And that's that
I will continue to be a good kind person despite the way of the world
That includes my babies
It is me
Myself and
I
I will continue to be the best I can ever be
And that all I can do
There is one other very important quality I should considered and be truthful in all I do
Never at the expense of others
Never
Let me strengthen with evil of all kinds trying to cast out the goodness in my heart and mind
Keeping my FAITH strong now and forever never to wavier
Never
Keep my Holy Spirit alive in me
And let it wash over my family
Keep us strong
In Jesus I trust
In God I believe
Amen

Help me let it go
All that it stuff
All of it

I am just a tiny spec if that compared to the entire world we call earth
As the days pass bye
Day in
Day out
Until what
The end
There hasn't been anything like what we as a community who suffer chronic pain at the end of the day
This is where my life turned and had but only one way to get through all of it
Is
Hope
There is such a promise
HOPE for ALL of us
Not giving up is the hard part unless we submit
and TRULY let IT go and submit
And not feel bad
Grace me with you love
I don't want to feel anything other then
YOUR love
YOUR grace
YOUR promise
In Jesus I trust
In God i believe
Love
Me

How time just passes on by
Never to return
Holding on to your memories
So much time in sorrow
Just when I think I have it
Something else comes along and gives me a different perspective
To have had to be receptive in order to get them thoughts
I was always and still am in protective mode
Ready to do whatever I have conviction towards a happier way to be
Why should anybody be unhappy
Why would anybody thrill over the idea that someone is unhappy and you know it and do absolutely nothing about it
What a terrible thought but true
I can't imagine why someone would intentionally awaken me at 1:00 A.M. in the morning
Really
I kid you not
I am not making this stuff up
To be up at 6:00 to tend to my granddaughter

Oh Heavenly Father
Let me stop this horrible thought to consume me
Allow me the simple joys you have for me in my day
My last baby is working
Enjoying it
She did it
She really did it
So proud of her
She is so grateful mom is in her life
And I love her so much
Doing all I can to help her on her travels
She likes it
That's awesome stuff

Wouldn't it be a beautiful thing if my daughter behaved like a mother
Eva hasn't heard from her mom in days
I put a sweater her mom got her
Really cute
Furry and fleece like insides
A hood with white faux fur around the hood
Says
"I wish mommy can see me in my sweater"
Crushed
Last picture mom posted shows she is a bleached blond
Nails done up looking clearly doing her best taking care of herself
Not a peep about her daughter
Why won't she call
Nobody stops her
No excuse

Yeah leaves changing color
Knees hurt from changes in the weather
Have no control over that
doctors suggested to move to dry warm climate weather
Maybe if I hit the lottery
Don't need all of it just some would make things so much easier
Have our own home
Have just the necessities without trouble getting it
To be lifted from the financial burden of it all
When I was working
We were making it we had the opportunity to go to the movies
To have to let my hair grow because I cannot do it anymore
I would have Saraeve or Corissa cut a simple cut
But cannot count on that forever
The changes I had to make when I got sick
Someone who had her hair cut every six weeks
The one thing that made me feel good
Had my kids then keep a simple cut
Now just letting it grow
And I can throw it up
Done
Don't bother anybody that way

To be screwed out of
Fighting it
Something is very fishy
Waiting to hear from the pension dept
The "early disibility retirement" because of terminology
I have not stopped
Still have a month it could take up to six months
To have once had a friend coworker
Not give me the informations of the person who helped her with the process
Her excuse
"You know how unorganized I am I'll look to it"
That was a year ago
Someone I helped on many levels
Could count on me whenever she asked me for help with anything
To have a name and number of a human being not the automated system and wait time a half hour
Is she nuts
She's nuts
This from my pension
It would be such help
I have declined on so many levels
So many levels
I have given everything away
My choices have hurt me in the end
But you see I had no choice
Not when you have babies who depend on at least on parent
Me
Now give up my haircut
It s.u.c.k.s
Me

Sick again
Running into my room at 5:30
Sick
Ill be damned
Now vomit
She only started to get better two days ago
Corissa comes running in after her
Asks why did she run in my room for me
Having to explain I'm her everything
Reminded her when she was a baby and younger
Even now
It never stops
Never
Looks like a rough day ahead
She is calm now but not well
Upsetting
She is missing school
Some children are not kept home when sick
I vicious cycle
Went through it already
There is a terrible viral bug going around
She just got over a nasty cold
Me

I shouldn't be fighting life
What a silly thing
Having to fight
No fighting anymore
Just no fighting anymore
Having Faith wavier in and out
In and out
As the breaths I take
To live
To have free will
To choose to believe in a greater than power
To believe in Jesus Christ
To believe I have a purpose
To believe I too matter
To believe I too can be happy
To believe in blind faith I am loved by Heavenly Father
My purpose
Hear my prayer
In angels I believe
To those who protect me
From evil
To not cry in my day
Would be nice
To have faith I can make it
It is hard most times
But I make it through the day
And pray myself to sleep
It is what it is
I'm still needed
Me

Have the Holy Spirit guiding me
Not to fight it but to welcome the strategies I must use and of to get through this day
Having to get Eva off to school
Getting in the shower
Cleaning to shed off the stuff from day before
A new day
Push through it do
Or just wait to die
Oh the choices some have to make
Gifted with a leaf
Just for me
Home from school
A rustic deep auburn in color
Beautiful in shape
Almost perfect
Symmetrically
She's got it going on
A good eye
Ah
Math
She does enjoy it now
Lets see
Would love to fee a little love from my child
Off from work
Having a rough morning
I don't get it
In comparison to what I have done
Beyond in my case
And a look that would kill when I ask for help
So
We
I will start my day over again
Maybe record her when she speaks to me
Like I have to record a disruptive ill person isn't enough
Enough already
Enough
What to be in a good place
So I give it to Jesus Christ
And live
Maybe get a belly laugh
Have doctors appointment
When isn't there one
Sick of it
But it the only way for now
I pray for a miricles
Health to heal
With love in my heart
Cannot loose the love in my heart
Me