I usually try to give my support on various parts of this forum, and most of that is on the RSD/CRPS subforum. I am often over there because I was diagnosed myself last July. I originally took it fairly well figuring that treatment will probably help relieve some of my pain, when in fact it has gone the other way. I have not found any relief from any treatment so far. I have lost two doctors so far because I was beyond their ability to help. My current PM is taking me off all of my meds since they do not help.

I try to make my life sound fairly good. I am married to a husband who I love, but I have even been questioning that lately as he has not been treating me all that well these past few months. Even telling me just last week that my CRPS is entirely psychosomatic. Blaming me for almost anything that possibly goes wrong. Yelling at me today for being depressed... I know that spending all day, every day around someone can drive two people a little crazy at times, especially when there is a chronic pain syndrome on top of it, but I have no way or no where to escape, even for a short while and he hardly ever goes anywhere.

I feel like I am loosing my mind. I can hardly do anything, I am often finding myself having panic attacks and difficulty breathing. I am so unsure of anything anymore.

I do have an appointment with my psychologist for a 2nd appointment on Wednesday but I feel like that is ages away. I talked with my mom for a little while yesterday, I had a good cry which felt good, tried watching a few cute short films to cheer me up, but it was all short lived.

I just feel hopeless and do not know what to do.

The good thing about the NT forum is so many of us can relate to each other's stories. We can empathise and we can learn from each other. It sounds like you have offered lots of help to others in the past and I hope many of us can drop by this thread now and offer you some support.

Our loved ones do reach saturation point, they don't realise it but they do. They have as many ups and downs as we do, sometimes more, they live in hope the next procedure will work and the person they once knew will be miraculously restored, when it doesn't work like that, they hit a hard place. For us, we don't hit that hard place because we are just too damn busy trying to cope with all the changes coming our way.

We didn't choose this life, it chose us. Ask your DB to put a small pebble in the heel of his shoe, tell him to walk around with it all day long for a week or more, when he goes out and when he is at home. When he asks you why; tell him it is a personal choice he can make, he can choose to experience the suffering you go through or he can choose to see how silly his accusation is. As if we would choose this life!

Do you have an IPad or laptop? I found on YouTube a fabulous relaxation resource in the name of David Fairweather. Type his name in and try listening to one of his sessions. When I was really bad in early December I went to sleep to his voice every night and on a few occasions used his short 15 minute relaxation as well. You have nothing to lose, give it a go if you can

Dear Alaina,

I am so sorry to hear you are suffering the other impacts that go along with chronic pain. The relationship issues that develop with family and friends, that no matter how hard they try to be understanding, just do not relate since they do not experience what you do.

I liked Pamela June's "put a pebble in his shoe" message.

You are going through a lot right now in addition to your chronic pain issues. Losing some docs, changing meds, are contributing to your hopeless feelings right now.

I don't know your husband so I can't speak for him or his state of mind but looking at it from what "may" be his perspective, it sounds like he may be as frustrated as you are with finding help for your condition. He must feel somewhat helpless that HE can't make things better for you and that frustration comes out in all the wrong ways. Just like the sufferer of chronic pain, the spouses, also want their loved one back to the way they were.

These conditions take a lot of "adjusting" not only for the person afflicted but for their families as well. Everyone that we have in our lives becomes affected by our conditions to some degree. They need to adjust as well. Some work harder on that than others and sometimes we will lose some friends along the journey.

I feel sure that my family thoughts when I first become "disabled", were that I was just being lazy, depressed, a whinny baby, etc. It took a LONG time before they realized the reality of the situation. That I was NOT being lazy, that I was incapable of doing things.

When accused of being "depressed" by a family member, as if THAT was my problem and nothing else,..... I asked them, "If your life was as limited as mine, wouldn't that depress YOU?" Their opinion slowly changed to realize that there was an answer to which came first the chicken or the egg. In this scenario, it is not chickens and eggs, it is illness and depression. In MY case, the illnesses have caused my bouts with depression which thankfully are few and far between and very short lived. My family member had believed that depression was causing my lack of ability.

It took a litany of items that have disappeared from my life before, stating them one by one, and asking my family member how that would make THEM feel before they finally got the message.

I am not sure if it was the fact that I had spelled it out in plain English or if the fact that my family member began to have their own chronic pain issues, but the point was finally received.

It really is difficult for those that have NOT experienced it to understand and accept what is happening in our lives.

You have been a tremendous support for others here on NT and I hope that we can be the same for you as you go through these difficult times. I feel confident that once you have all the proper tools in place, things will improve for you. The proper tools being the right physicians and medications.

I hope your husband will become more empathetic and understanding. It is difficult for them to make the adjustments to YOUR new life as it is happening to you and hard for them to accept that.

Please keep us posted and remember that everyone is entitled to a little pity party every now and then. Have a good cry when needed, then pick yourself back up and fight the fight. We are here for you as you have been for us.

Thank you both. I will look into those David Fairweather videos that you talked about. Maybe they can help a little with some of the anxiety.

I have heard of the pebble idea before and is a great idea for someone who does not have to live with pain every day. My husband does have an understanding of what living with pain is like, at least to some degree. He has to deal with violent foot cramps at least a couple of times a month, and has always had an issue with earaches due to a birth defect. I know it is not quite the same, but it is still pain that he has had to live with most of his life. The one big difference is that his pain often does go away. Trying to get him to understand the difference has been a real challenge. One that I have not been too successful at.

I do have a few of my in-laws coming by today. Maybe seeing my nieces and nephew will help break me out of my depression, even if it is for a short while.

I was just reprimanded this morning wallowing in my pain, and letting this depression get to me. Although it is times like just now, when he came in as I was typing this, to try to cheer me up. To remind me how much he loves me, that I feel like I just might be able to push through this.

Alaina,

It seems like we might have a similar situation. My husband is retired and home most of the time. We are together almost 24/7. He must have pain at times; but he never complains.

While I want to not complain too much; at times I hear myself. My problem; he doesn't say anything.....I mean nothing; not a word about my complaining. He just goes about whatever....reading the paper; looking on the internet, etc. When I really think about it; because of my condition, both our lives have greatly change.....We don't go out very often, no vacations, etc.

Then I start feeling a bit sorry for him and try to cheer him up or say something to get him to smile. At times, I even get a"hug". I miss the old me as much as he probably does too.

The same appears to be true for you and your husband. In spite of the downers; the love is still there. When we get down they appear to as well. Just in a different way.


Please know as you are here for everyone; we are here for you.

Gerry

Bless your heart....so sorry to hear this but honestly is there a full moon or what ? Quite a few of us seem to be going through 'something' at the same time

I know you've kept up with my story and I so thank you for that.

When my SFN came on suddenly after chemo ended (and I was laid off 6 months before that) my husband thought I just didn't want to go back to work ! I mean seriously ? I had never not wanted to work in my life and had been working since I was 14 or 15.

A few months later when my skin punch biopsy came in he felt really, really bad and I was GLAD

I loved hearing how your husband came in while you were writing to try and cheer you up....how sweet is that ?

The other posters on here did such a good job writing to you. These people are priceless aren't they ?

You sound like me....always trying to be the nice one....to rise above the pain for others.....and then when you break down from the pain or depression they just don't understand.

You are so sweet and I love to follow your posts.

Please keep us posted and I sure hope you're feeling better today.

Debi

Thank you for that Debi.

I have noticed a number of people having a difficult time lately, so I guess I should not complain too much. it does feel good to be able to reach out at the times when it is very much needed, and I really needed to do so the other day.

I am doing a little better today. I think having some family over, even though it was only for a little while helped. Of course having a 2 year old and a 5 year old running around, wanting to jump in my lap had my nerves on edge. It is always nice to see them though.

I am still fighting with this, but am in a little better place. I just hope I can stay there and keep working forward instead of back.

I made it to my appointment with my psychologist today. It felt good to be able to vent to someone face to face. She now understands a little why I am so stressed, and depressed. There is an awful lot going on around here at home.

I still don't know if she has any idea as to the amount of pain that can go along with CRPS, as she thinks that some of my stress is sleep related and that my sleep problems are behavior related, not pain related.

She does want to help with some relaxation and breathing techniques with me to try to relieve tension and stress. I have always had my own methods, but I am willing to give her suggestions a try. If they don't work, they don't work.

Although psychologists can not prescribe in Michigan, she is sending my PCP and my PM a recommendation to take me off the Amitriptyline and try something else. Her recommendations were either Zoloft or Effexor. I know the Amitriptyline was a dual purpose med, but I am having doubts on its effectiveness for either purpose with me. I have an appointment to see both my PCP and PM at the end of the month. Since I see my PM first, I will ask him. If he does not feel comfortable dealing with either of those meds, I will talk to my PCP the following day. She thought it would be better to have my PM handle this since I see him at least once a month, and usually only see my PCP every 3 months.

I was doing rather well this morning, and during my appointment, but as soon as I got back home, the depression started settling back in. If all I get out of this is someone that I can vent to face to face, and hear there suggestions, at least it is something.

Alaina, these are just my thoughts as somebody who is in remission from Major Depressive Disorder.

Meds can help but matching the "right" med to the "right" person is often a matter of trial and error - it can take some time.

I really like the ideas from your psychologist about relaxation and breathing exercises - they (which my psychologist taught me) have helped me a lot.

Other options (I don't know if your psychologist uses them with her clients) are Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy - my psychologist has used both of these with me which I have found helpful.

With care .

It's good to talk! If your psych is the person you manage to let everything out to then go for it. Did you have any luck with David Fairweather? Click on the link "watch" below and it should take you to YouTube, click on the link below that with numbers at the end and it takes you to him. That is if we are allowed to post it directly, our moderators will remove if I've broken a rule.

Self Hypnosis Anxiety Reduction - YouTube
https://www.youtube.com › watch

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCJJwkbn-eY

Self Hypnosis: Learning to Relax - YouTube
https://www.youtube.com › watch

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvJ6vrdml7w