Traumatic Brain Injury and Post Concussion Syndrome For traumatic brain injury (TBI) and post concussion syndrome (PCS).


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Old 12-22-2014, 11:54 PM #1
red90 red90 is offline
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Default What keeps you going?

Hi, all:

(Be warned, this is a very, very long post. But I'd really appreciate if you gave it a look. I've tried to break it up a bit in order to make it easier to read .)

This is my first time posting on NeuroTalk, but I've been roaming through the TBI/PCS forum for the past several months. It all started on June 18th, around sixth months ago, surely a day that I'll never forget.

I'm seventeen years old and currently a senior in high school. Throughout my life I've always loved to play sports, and even though I played two contact sports at the varsity level (football and lacrosse), I'd never sustained a major injury to any part of my body besides the normal bruises and scrapes. This all changed on that fateful day in June. For those who don't know, football practices in high school, college, and NFL start early in the summer, so we were already into daily practices. I was playing slot receiver, running a drag route (a super dangerous route where you essentially run the width of the field at a depth of five yards, right through the linebackers.)

I was running like always, alternating between looking at the quarterback and the point I was running to. Then all of a sudden: BAM! I hear a loud thud, crisp thud as I collide with the linebacker. He was my teammate; he wasn't trying to hurt me, but we were both running without looking and we collided head-to-head. I remember being super dizzy for around 5-10 seconds, dizzier than I'd ever felt before. I mean the world was literally shaking before me; I could barely keep my balance as I somehow found my way back to the huddle.

I'd felt dizzy before after getting hit (as sad as it is, this is a pretty common occurrence in football), but never like this. Normally the dizziness or headache was incredibly mild and went away after about 1-2 seconds, but this time it was extreme and lasted up to 10 seconds. But eventually, the headache and dizziness subsided, and I continued to practice. In hindsight this was a terrible decision, but what did I know? I was symptom free, and I thought I would be fine if I just ran it off.

When I got home after practice, I had a very mild headache, but nothing that seemed out of the ordinary. I'd never had a concussion before and I didn't know any better. I got a little more worried when it was still there when I woke up the following morning, but I decided to go to football nevertheless. By the time practice rolled around, my symptoms hadn't gotten worse at all; in fact, I thought I was improving. But while we were bench-pressing before practice, I started to feel a little bit "off." It's hard to describe, but I guess it felt like a mixture of fogginess, fatigue, lightheadedness, and dizziness.

I told my head coach about the hit I'd taken the day before and how I was feeling, and he told me to sit out from practice, which I did. When I got home, I talked to my father, who is a neurologist, about how I was feeling and he suggested that I had a concussion. He told me all the things he should of, that I needed physical and cognitive rest. My father emailed the coaches and I took the following week off of practice. Again, I knew nothing about concussions and everyday I expected to wake up symptom free ready to go, but for the first roughly four days I actually felt worse and worse each new day.

At its worst, about halfway through my week of rest, even walking around the house made me feel dizzy and nauseous. But eventually, things improved, and I got up to about 98% symptom free. At this point I went back to practice. Things went smoothly for the next month and a half. I felt fine at practice and had no trouble doing vigorous exercise or doing summer school homework and assignments.

Everything changed again on August 11th. We were doing a one-on-one hitting drill at practice. It's a barbaric kind of drill; the whole team is crowded around watching and screaming, and you're face to face with someone who wants nothing more than to put you on the ground as hard as he can. I used to love those drills. You do the drill four times, and on the last hit I remember us hitting completely head on. After the drill was over I even remember a few teammates jokingly asking me if I had a concussion after that hit. But I was so hyped on adrenaline that I wasn't really feeling anything.

In the days that followed, I concussion symptoms began to appear, but I kept them to myself for around three days hoping they would go away. They didn't. In fact, every day they seemed to get much worse. Eventually I could barely function as a football player, and I had to tell the my father and the football staff. It seems stupid that I kept the symptoms to myself for so long, but I knew what the implications of getting another concussion were. I knew that I'd have to put serious thought to giving up the sport I loved with all my heart. But eventually I had no choice but to speak up.

I began to sit out from practice, hoping that my symptoms would go away in a week like they had the first time. But a week went by, and I hadn't seen any improvement. Then another week went by. Then another. These three weeks were some of the hardest I've ever been through in my life. I was in constant pain, I couldn't think straight, tolerate electronics, read, go outside without sunglasses, or any of the other things I took for granted throughout my seventeen years of consciousness.

After three weeks of no major improvement, I knew it was over. I knew that I'd have to give up the thing I loved most in life because of an unfortunate injury. I'd had encouragement from my father and my doctor to quit football, but in the end the decision was mine alone. Quitting football may seem like an easy decision to make after such a severe concussion, but you have to see it from my perspective. It sounds shallow, but football was what I loved most in life. It's where I could hang out with my best friends, where I could be part of something great, where I could challenge myself. It gave purpose and excitement to my incredibly mundane existence.

But I knew I had to quit, for my future's sake. That sentence I just wrote is incredibly depressing, one I'd never hope that anyone would ever have to write. But it happened. The coaches were really understanding, and they even gave me the opportunity to still be part of the team as a team manager, which I was thankful for. Roughly a month and a half went by. I'd been improving gradually. On October 9th, I had my third concussion. This one was something totally out of my control. I was just walking around school during lunch. Some kids were kicking around a soccer ball on the quad. Unfortunately I happened to be walking by them at the time, and the ball struck me in the head.

It wasn't an extremely hard kick, but I knew I'd had a concussion as soon as I got hit. I just knew. Had I not already had PCS symptoms by that point, it probably wouldn't of given me a third concussion, but I did and it did nevertheless. I had very bad symptoms for about a week. I took the week off of school and rested completely.

Since that point (two and a half months ago), I haven't had any major hits to the head, which I'm INCREDIBLY thankful for. Part of this is because I've been extremely careful in all aspects of life. I mean, I don't hang out with friends, I rarely drive, I don't walk more than I need to, I don't play video games or watch TV, all I do is go to school and then go home and rest.

And yet I've still been dealing with PCS all the while. I have a constant headache which I take painkillers for, and I almost always have ringing in the ears, which varies in severity based on what activities I'm doing. I also have minor dizziness, lightheadedness, and blurry vision. I see a concussion specialist at the local children's hospital every few weeks. But my worst symptoms are mental. I constantly feel in a fog, I have trouble remembering basic things or words, and I get terrible anxiety. I mean some days I don't even want to go to school, just because I'm afraid I'll somehow get a concussion. And my mind constantly feels muddled.

This all brings me to what I came here to ask: what keeps you guys going? I'm afraid of the future. I know that at any moment, anything could happen to me. I'm afraid that I'll wake up one day, whether it be tomorrow, in a month, or in 30 years, and not remember who I am. Or that I'll wake up with a totally different personality. Because if I don't have myself, I don't have anything.

Another major concern of mine is that like I said I'm a senior in high school, so I'm going to college next year. But part of me wonders, what's the point? My dream throughout my childhood has always been to be a writer when I grow up, but now I don't know if I have the mental capacity to even handle college, let alone use my brain for a living. I'm already sort of struggling in high school, so how am I going to be able to handle college life or a job? And what's worse, what if I begin to deteriorate neurologically at like age 30? How can I start to build my life with all this weighing on me??

It’s not that I’m suicidal or anything; I love my life, and I’m incredibly thankful to be alive and to have food to eat and roof over my head. Sometimes I just question how can I truly meet my goals if continue to deteriorate. Who am I?

It's the uncertainty of tomorrow, that's what scares me so bad. Help.
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Old 12-23-2014, 12:56 AM #2
Mark in Idaho Mark in Idaho is offline
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red90,

Welcome to NeuroTalk.

TMI, dude

Rather than just break it up. How about the shortened version just about your injury, symptoms, and struggles ?

Many of us struggle with memory issues. I, for one, do not have the capacity to sort through details that do not matter. I just end up overloaded and lost.

By the way, I guarantee you this was not your first concussion. It was just the first concussion that caused symptoms that lasted and effected your life.

You hit your head playing football. What happened next ?

I skipped to your last paragraph. You just wrote War and Peace. Why are you worried about becoming a writer ?
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Old 12-23-2014, 01:02 AM #3
DannyT DannyT is offline
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Hey man,

I'm sorry to hear about your injury. Your post shows a lot of personal growth and maturity that will help you in your battle with PCS. The truth is bad things happen in life. It's just a matter of fact. For us, we've suffered concussions and have to deal with this particular journey. The first step is to accept what happened and to work on ways of dealing with it.

Let me share a little about my situation because I think it sorta relates to your worries. I'm a college student and have always dreamed of being a scientist. I finally made it back from some hard times in my teens (I'm 26 now) to get accepted into a chemical engineering program. I had just finished moving and getting back in the groove with school when I suffered my concussion on October 2. It's a daunting task to come back from but you can't live in fear. You will learn a lot about yourself through this. It will make you a more grateful person.

I just finished up Finals week and it was a struggle, but the point is I made it!
I share your concerns about accomplishing my dreams. I still am suffering some symptoms and know that I may have to take next semester off. It sucks but I have accepted it and I am devising a plan to keep my dreams alive.

You can still be a writer. There's nothing to regret because you got injured doing what you love.

Your brain will recover, just treat it right. No alcohol, no caffeine or any recreational drugs. Give it the rest and nutrients it needs to repair itself. Limit stress and anxiety as much as possible. Look at the vitamin sticky at the top of the forum. Check out some of the success stories on here. The most important thing is to pay attention to your symptoms and to try to stay positive. You have your youth on your side. The brain is an incredible organ and its plasticity is a wonder of nature.

Be well,
Danny
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red90 (12-23-2014), SillyRugger (12-23-2014), SweetC (12-24-2014)
Old 12-23-2014, 02:46 AM #4
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Hi Red,

Welcome to the forum.

As Dan said, do your best to stay positive. I know it's difficult—I've been in a similar position. I had to quit rugby, which I loved. The sport gave me more drive and purpose than anything else I had encountered in my college career. I gave it up, and life has rolled on. I've found new passions and hobbies and still watch the game.

Sometimes I think about playing again, but then I remember how terrible experiencing concussions are. It's just not worth it to me. I can't afford to be sidelined for months at a time and then risk brain disease later in life. These days even a small knock to the head will bring up symptoms for me.

You will be able to handle college—even if you don't go right away. If your symptoms are still bothering you in a few months, consider taking a gap year. In retrospect, I really wish I had put some time between high school and college just to get a better sense of adult life.

Regardless, you will be able to handle college. Your writing in this post is solid and lucid. You're continuing to go to class and aren't failing. You will start to see improvements with rest and time.

Keep doing what you're doing. Rest, take care of your health, and try to keep stress to a minimum.
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Old 12-23-2014, 10:29 AM #5
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Welcome red90.
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Old 12-23-2014, 12:56 PM #6
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DannyT and SillyRugger,

Thank you guys so much for responding. Honestly. These experiences can be pretty isolating so it's awesome to know that there are people out there who have perservered through their own struggles.

You guys both mentioned that you wish you had/are thinking about taking time off from school. I'm definitely considering this, especially because the year between high school and college is a pretty easy/common time to have a gap. But I wanted to ask: it seems like a stupid question, but what do you think I should do with the time? I mean I don't think I'm ready to travel or work, and I can't do anything super active or dangerous. I'd really enjoy the time to write, but otherwise I'm sort of at a loss for what I would do with all that spare time.

Thank you guys again
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Old 12-23-2014, 06:35 PM #7
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Welcome to the forum red90. Living life at a slower pace than you would like at your age must be frustrating, it is even if you're older. I think you can spend some of the time developing skills you might not have otherwise considered. I'm thinking of practical things like crafts, woodworking, pottery or similar, things that aren't too taxing on the brain but absorbing. I would totally avoid contact sport as and just walk and cycle or swim for exercise. Taking things easy you will recover quicker.
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Concussion 28-02-2014 head butted a door edge.
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Symptoms overcome: Nausea, head pressure, debilitating fatigue, jelly legs, raised pulse rate, night sweats, restlessness, depersonalisation, anxiety, neck ache, depression.
Symptoms left: Disturbed sleep, some residual tinnitus.
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Old 12-23-2014, 08:16 PM #8
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Hey Red90,

Its a bit rubbish feeling like crap all the time, but you are lucky to have such oportunities. You and your Drs know your current limits, whther or not to go into full time education. You have plenty of time, and looking after yourself now will help you later.

I'm a writer, and yeah there's a lot more editing needed now ahem, I still write and plan to continue. Worked too hard to give up.

A middle ground option may be for you to postphone collgege for a year and do a night course in creative writing. Less work load and stress but still training your brain/skills. Perhaps if you are feeling well enough, or as a goal, look into doing a s/s internship at a company in the publishing industry, an agency or publisher, or apps and design if your tech minded. Get a taste of where you want to go and impress on your application.

I hope you find a balance that suits you, gives you time to heal.
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Old 12-23-2014, 10:05 PM #9
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Working part time or doing an internship would be a great way to spend that time. I really wish I had taken some time off and gotten a better sense of what I wanted to do and what it was like to live as an adult. For better or worse, I think my college career would have been completely different with that kind of perspective.

I've managed to do some part time retail work during my current recovery. Some of the work was overwhelming, but I found that I could handle all of it by monitoring myself and my symptoms. It gave me a lot of confidence to be able to do that.

September 2015 is a long ways off from now anyway. Who knows how you'll be feeling then. If you take time off and you're feeling better, great! Use that time to your best advantage.

I think it's important to keep the future in mind, but don't stress yourself out worrying about it. You're very young and have a lot of time to work with.
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Old 12-28-2014, 08:21 PM #10
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I read your whole post and was so impressed with your writing and grammar, especially when I read that you are only 17. It all made sense when I got toward the end where you talked about wanting to be a writer. You're obviously well-spoken (written?) and intelligent.

I agree with the suggestions to take a year off if you can - this is one injury where you can't do anything to rush your recovery. That can be hard to accept and one of the most frustrating things for an athlete. We're used to pushing our bodies and I know I always loved the way I felt after a challenging workout or race. I miss the physical part as well as the social aspect.

It makes sense to take next year off - it's fairly easy to explain a gap year at that point in your education, you'll still be on your parents' health insurance, and it will give you time to rest while you explore your limitations as well as your interests. Is there somewhere you could volunteer that would allow you to use your writing skills?

Also, even though walking bores me and sometimes just reminds me of how much I miss running, I find that I feel better overall if I get some mild exercise. I've been trying to go out with a better attitude and appreciate the sights and the fact that I'm alive!

Best of luck,
Diane
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What happened: I was on my Triathlon bike doing an easy ride through my neighborhood just a few weeks after completing Ironman Texas (2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike, 26.2 mile run). A driver on a side street pulled up to a stop sign but didn't see me and pulled out in front of me. I tried to make a sharp turn alongside her but fishtailed and went into the side of her car with the left side of my body at about 17 mph.

I walked away with a headache and a whiplash, a sore shoulder, and some bruises but was counting my blessings. I did several months of PT for my shoulder and neck, and I still had problems with headaches, neck pain, and dizziness. My PT insisted I be evaluated, and I was diagnosed with a concussion. I was still in denial, but then I transferred to a vestibular/neuro rehab specialist and learned that my eyes weren't focusing properly (nystagmus, convergence disorder). I was discharged from that PT on June 10, 2014 - exactly one year after my accident - because I was no longer making "significant progress." I did more PT for my neck/shoulder, and on Dec 16, 2014, I had shoulder surgery. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I might never do another Ironman, but I'm not giving up on returning at some level.
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