Thank you.

My head knows and understands that I don't do anything to cause my pn but in those moments of panic, desperation and self pity I allow dumb thoughts to enter. I try to stay positive all the time, but sometimes I just fail. Lately I have been consumed with feeling helpless and like things are going to get worse and worse. I know it's irrational, stupid and all but I guess I have fallen and cant get up, lol.

Not to say I WONT get up, lol. I will get there, eventually. I know my attitude greatly affects me and this attitude is not helping but I accept that every now and again I simply have A BAD ATTITUDE.

But it's time to pull my big girl panties up again and move pass this bad attitude. I have been stuck here a little longer than usual...it isn't the pain as much as feeling like it's just gonna keep getting worse and worse until ...well until. But I know I need to move on.

thank you friends for giving me a place to vent what I don't say to anyone else, not even my husband. Our faith is such that we believe there is power in our words so we confess what the word says or the positive not the negative, so I don't ever say all the awful things I sometimes feel. I mean, I do say I am in pain but I do not say all the fears I have for my future.