I've been there, where it feels like nothing is ever going to get better and will most likely only get worse. I think most of us have been there at some point. When you're deep down in that pit it's impossible to feel like you could ever get out of it.

I've been depressed since around 10 and despite my mom harping on me (that's what it felt like anyway) all through my teens and telling me I was depressed, I didn't actually admit it to myself or anyone else until I was 18 or 19. It was one of the best things I ever did though. Treatment can take time because you often have to try several medications before you find the right one for you, but give it that time. You owe that much to your dogs at least (they've put a lot of work into training you), even if you don't believe you owe it to yourself.

And I understand being in pain and having people not believe you. I have a chronic pain condition that can only be diagnosed by ruling everything else out. Imagine a burning sensation so bad that they only way you know you're not on fire is because you can't see any flames, imagine routinely waking up in the middle of the night (on those occasions where you actually get to sleep) having to check to make sure that you're not on fire, and then having a doctor tell you you're making it all up to get drugs. It took me 4 and a half years to get diagnosed with RSD.

But the important thing is that a good doctor will believe you. If a doctor tries to accuse you of attention seeking don't be afraid to walk out and find a different doctor. There are enough of us out there that struggle with self-harm (I'm one myself) that you can find help. You aren't alone.