Trouble62,

Welcome to NeuroTalk.

I think you have two issues to deal with.
First, you have far too little life experience to deal with the needs of your boyfriend.
Second, he does not consider you a girlfriend in the same way you consider him a boyfriend. He does not have the emotional capability to answer the questions regarding love and commitment that you are asking. That part of his brain just is not there. He will never change in this area unless he has some serious therapy to help him learn to use logic to develop emotional feelings. It does not sound like he has a desire to grow as a person.

His goals in life are simple. Make it through the next minute, hour, day, and maybe even week. I doubt he has any ability to make long term plans. To him, a long term plan is "I want to see XYZ Band when they come to the Arena in six months." He may have the mental fortitude to follow through and buy tickets but more likely he will not be able to save up for such a purchase.

You are too young to try to build your whole life around him. You have too many life decisions ahead that will be difficult to make if you are entangled with him.

YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO GET HIM TO CHANGE.

Some day, he may mature enough to start making mature decisions. But the likelihood of further maturing is slim.

His problem with alcohol and pot are big red flags. They do not help his condition. They make it worse.

If you think he is settling for you because you are available, rather than spend time trying to figure him out, spend that time developing your own maturity and decision making skills. Grow to the point where you are desired by men with character. He appears to have a total lack of character.

Sorry to sound so negative but the statistics show that 85% of brain injured end up divorced. You already can see that he fits that statistic very well.

My best to you.