Hi Ginnie

I thank you also for your reply. It really does help.

I have let go of my oldest child. In my opinion, she is a terribly flawed human being, and there is no hope ever of a normal relationship. Still,when she sent those heartbreaking emails to me earlier this year, I did feel some hurt. I felt compassion for HER. She didn't show any for me, even when she became violent toward me and I finally lost it and made the attempt, but I guess maternal love is forever. What I do about her mostly is not think about her at all. And I have absolutely no interest in seeing her again--ever. It's not out of anger; its out of protecting myself from someone that toxic and even dangerous. I'm glad I never kept guns in my home when she was a teenager, because I think the odds are pretty good that she would have used it on me. Those are my honest feelings about her, that she's that dangerous. But I still felt sorry for her, and I still offered to help her financially when she contacted me (just not giving her cash).

She too has a child, but I cannot know that child without having her mother in my life, and I cannot do that. I did offer to buy a birthday gift for that child when I got the pity-me email from my daughter, so that the child would have something to open on her birthday.

I guess things weren't quite that bad as my daughter wanted me to believe, because she never took me up on the offer to pay some bills for her and to buy a birthday gift for her little girl.

When I was abandoned by my family, it meant I was without any financial support, and the job market was terrible (esp for someone who'd been a stay at home mother--my youngest was in kindergarten), and I finally did go hungry. Had someone offered to pay an electric bill for me, to to buy xmas gifts for my youngest child, I would have accepted. IT would have been humiliating, yes, but I would have accepted.

So her pity-me emails seem to me to have been exaggerated. She just wanted more money. That had been a pattern for a long, long time, my giving her money--and she was grown, out of the house and married. I will never go back to that, being swindled out of money,ever, but I will not allow her child to go without basic necessities (or a birthday gift, which in my opinion is a necessity for a very little girl).

I"ve let her go, but it's my son I cannot understand. We had a good relationship. See my last comment about what I think might be at the heart of his continued silence toward me: is he ashamed of himself for lying about me and treating me with anger?

I honestly don't know if I'd want him around in my life at this time, but it would feel good to exchange an occasional email with him while he's away at college, to send him gifts, etc.I've decided I won't be sending him any more gifts for now. He has better manners than to ignore gifts without a thank-you, and I think it makes me look like I am begging him for attention. (I wasn't.) I do not think continuing to be generous with someone who wronged me that badly and continues to do so is right, but it hurts so much.

Why do some people get so angry about suicide attempts? And when do they finally get over it? OR do they?

Thank you both so much for your replies. This stuff hurts.

Yes, I'm going back to see my therapist. It's expensive, but I want some support right now.