I totally feel for you in this. I pretty much lost faith in the system a long time ago. This is the main reason I ended up settling my work comp claim. Even though it wasn't "right" to settle and to settle for so little an amount compared to what my bills were...I just couldn't deal with it all anymore. Work comp, the appeals of my case, my own attorney being a bully, doctors who just didn't seem to care about what I wanted and just wanted to do expensive procedures, etc...it just got to be too much. So I sat down and had a good hard think about what was best for me long term. I don't know if 10 years from now I will feel the same way (because who knows what the future holds) but my life has gotten SO much better since I made my decision. Not the pain...cause that's just something I live with and accept at this point...but all the stress, the anger, the frustration, etc are gone and without them my QUALITY of life is so much better. It's not the right decision for everyone...but when you get to a certain point you need to sit down and look at ALL your options, weigh the consequences of each, and decide what is best for YOU.

The doctor I was seeing (who I love and who has been my biggest help and support through the last couple years) is not "out of network" and I won't be able to afford seeing her. I have had to go back to the office where she first started out (she's moved twice since then) and I like the office...but they are pressuring me to see a pain specialist again. I don't want to...they have nothing to offer me at this point so I don't see the point in wasting their time and mine. We'll see how that shakes out...but I get so frustrated with doctors who can't seem to LISTEN to their patient and wrap their heads around what the patient feels is important. I know not everyone will agree with or understand my many reasons for wanting to come off all pain meds...but that's MY decision based on my own experiences and knowledge about what is best for me both physically and emotionally.

And I don't want you to think that any of this means I am not a fighter...because I am. It was so HARD for me to make the decisions I did because they felt so much like I was letting work comp win. But at the end of the day...fighting their battle was only going to result in me losing in the long term because it would mean years and years of battling them for approvals and medical care which would keep killing me financially, emotionally, and physically. So maybe they felt like they got a win from me settling...who cares...I know I won too.

I am so sorry you have to go through all this painman and I really hope things start to look up for you soon. Take care of yourself...things can and will get better...you just have to find your path.