I can understand why those of you with a son or daughter who has Asperger's are so upset when they appear to abandon their "real" life in favor of the "virtual reality" of SL. I am no fan of John Lester. Even if he did not technically take people's money and divert it to SL, I firmly believed he abandoned all the good folks of BT. I find his attitude and behavior nothing short of reprehensible. And as far as I know, he never provided an accounting of the monies he took in, however I will take DocJohn's word for what happened.

I also do not want to stand up for SL. I have a number of questions about how "members," especially those who may be vulnerable, like those with Asperger's, are recruited into SL. I have heard some of them proclaim the value they receive, but I wonder just what that value is and what it does for them.

However, I do think we should all be careful in assuming that SL has had a malevolent influence on these individuals. You may not like that your son or daughter appears to have given over their life to a virtual reality site. But what we don't know is what would their life be like if they were not involved in SL. I am not hearing that these individuals went from a higher functioning life to a lower functioning life. I know of so many cases where the individual was essentially isolated from their family and not effectively functioning or relating in the "real" world.

I am a clinical psychologist and I got to see the pain and heartbreak, and it is both horrific and tragic. The real culprit here is the disorder itself. Individuals so afflicted may really have no other choice than to live the kind of life they live. But the pain for parents is almost unimaginable, and the person with the disorder just can't understand, let alone empathize with their parents.

Who knows what these folks would be doing now if they were not involved in SL? I have no doubt that some would be dead, others would have serious alcohol, drug, or gambling problems. It may be that for some of them SL has become like a virtual halfway house. Maybe they can get enough structure and support to keep them going and to keep them away from worse things.

I would just clarify again that I am in no way defending SL. I have lots of questions and doubts. But I have seen this exact phenomenon quite a few times, except that instead of SL, it was some other group or outlet.

What hurts me the most is that we in mental health really do not yet have the answers to give to parents whose lives have been wrenched in this way. You might think that we are just a short step away from the breakthroughs we need to deal with such disorders. You can read about this neuroscience discovery and that pharmacological development and so forth, but none of it as yet adds up to anything that is remotely close to the kind of breakthrough that will truly make a difference.

I can certainly understand the anger at SL. No one has any answers and no one can really help very much, if at all. Most parents in this kind of nightmare have been given the run around, along with a heaping dose of uncaring professionals and overworked social service workers. When a target like SL comes along, I think it might be irresistible for so much of the frustration and uncertainty to get directed towards them.

I hope the best for all those who have a child in this or a similar scenario.

rafi