Hi Mary,

That dark 'cloud' as I call it. I've battled it for many years, but especially when chronic pain entered my life. The two feed off of each other and it's a circle of madness You are so very right in stating how important it is to have people to open up to. The worst mistake I have made with this battle is when I would isolate myself. That makes room for the very dark thoughts to enter in.

Yes, many of the medications that are out there can really space us out.
I've had pretty good luck with Wellbutrin. I too suffer with back problems, especially spasms. When they kick in, I'm done for! I usually go to my room to lie flat. I have my laptop nearby so I can play solitaire to keep my mind focused on something other than the pain. But this is very frustrating because I can't even cook a whole meal for my family without having to go lie down for 10 minutes or so.
I'll be trying for disability soon also. Don't be discouraged that you've been declined. Most cases are declined the first time. I hope your appeal goes well.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that my heart goes out to you and that you are not alone in this.

Rae