Junior Member
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Central New Jersey
Posts: 28
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Junior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Central New Jersey
Posts: 28
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Frustrated and feeling defeated
I've noticed that since I was diagnosed 6 months ago that my husband has become increasingly distant.
When I was first diagnosed, my husband kept saying things like, "There's nothing wrong with you" and "It's all in your head". I finally sat him down and told him that I needed him to quit dismissing how I was feeling and how much I needed his support. He apologized and explained that he couldn't wrap his head around what was going on and that what he was saying and how he was acting was a defensive move because be truly wanted me to be okay. He became very supportive, went to my appointments and became enthralled in reading any available information about MS.
Over the course of the subsequent few months, I could see and feel that he was pulling away from me. He stopped having meaningful conversations with me, avoided spending time with me and ceased being intimate with me. I've tried to talk to him a few times, but in his usual form, he prefers to remain silent or avoid any conversation I tried to have in regard to these issues.
Becoming increasing upset with his avoidance, little conversations about other things in our lives would turn into full blown arguments. And of course, my inability to remember certain things or previous conversations would just add fuel to the fire. During these arguments or during the apologies stage, he would always mention my MS.
Tonight we had an argument about a credit card and I couldn't recall a conversation we'd previously had about it and then the frustration of our other personal issues about his non attentiveness blew it up.
We later sat and talked. I told him that his unwillingness to discuss our personal issues was flowing over into other issues and making them worse - he agreed. I then asked him about bringing up my MS every time we argued. I also asked him if MS was the reason he was distancing himself from me...I had to ask that question 6 times before he "sort of" answered.
He told me that he has not come to terms that I have this "devastating" disease. I've actually seen three neurologists hoping one would say that this wasn't MS. Unfortunately they all agree.
I have to go for another MRI on Friday for my thoracic and cervical spine due to many of the additional symptoms I have experienced since the original diagnosis. My husband went into a tirade about why do I have to keep having all of these tests when there's no cure and nothing they can do to fix me. And how I have to take Copaxone to slow it down, but how nothing would stop it. How my doctor suggested that I discontinue working. What's in store for our future. How when all of our children eventually leave our home, how we can't do all of the things we've planned because I may be in a wheelchair.
I didn't know how to answer. I've never seen him like this. I've never heard such negativity come from his mouth. I'm not letting this consume me, but obviously he is. He suggested that we don't talk about my MS at all because it upsets him.
I have 6 children and a demanding job that requires me to work about 60 hours per week. Because my time is so consumed by family and work, I do not have a lot of friends. He is my best friend. Now I feel like I have no where to turn for support. I'm frustrated, feeling defeated, alone and confused.
Has anyone else experienced this with their spouse?
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