Songbird, I just wanted to say that I have been reading your posts and that I am truly sorry for what you are going through. I hope that soon you will be feeling better. Such a difficult thing to go through hon. I wish I had something clever or comforting to say. What I do know is that time helps heal grief. Time is your friend. Be good to yourself and take the time you need to process it all, and in time, it will get better.