Q: What was the date of the health event that caused your disability? As of what date did you become unable to perform your regular daily work tasks? Did you take any medication or medical treatment for this disability prior to the date that this long-term insurance policy came into effect?

A: I was walking in the forest in the afternoon of Oct. 1.

At 3:41 p.m. (Eastern Standard Time), I got bitten by a Parkinson’s mosquito – the little sneaky ones that carry the Parkinson’s virus. I was rushed to hospital and placed in quarantine, because as you know, Parkinson’s is highly contagious among genetically inferior specimens.

They gave me lots of anti-biotics and the doctor said I could go back to work the next day, as long as I didn’t sneeze on anybody.

My boss asked the doctor what made him think I would be able to go back to work after catching Parkinson’s, and the doctor said, well, the only thing Parkinson's does is make their hands shaky and so it’s not serious, but my boss said, we don’t want him back because with those shaky hands he might spill coffee on the control panel of the nuclear reactor and blow us all up. The doc said he never thought about that, so they drove me out of town and threw me into a swamp where there were lots and lots of Parkinson’s mosquitoes.

I thought I was insured for that, but apparently not.