Hi Suzie,

No apologies necessary and you posted your thread perfectly!
You are not being a nut job over this..... not at all You have very valid concerns and perhaps the surgeon should be addressing them a bit better. Some people will not consider using cadaver bone.... but most people tend to not voice too much concern about it.

Regarding bone grafting... it is important for you to understand that the purpose of a bone graft is to encourage new growth of your own bone to integrate with the graft. Without the bone graft, the growth of your own bone will be limited. Irrelevant of what type of bone graft is used, your own bone will grow into the graft and the entire area will become your own bone. So it's not like you would be walking around with cadaver bone or synthetic bone once your own bone became whole again.

I can understand being squeamish about using cadaver bone. That is a personal choice and if you are not comfortable with it... then do not have that done. Just so you know.... cadaver bone is very sterile and the risks of contamination are remarkably low. Surgeons prefer to use this type of bone in most cases because it is very compatible to our own bone and the healing is quicker. But again this is a personal choice.

Using synthetic bone.... this is derived from sea coral or other forms of calcium. Generally the persons own bone integrates well with this type also. Healing is a bit longer by about 3-6 months post op.

Using your own bone from a personal donor site..... the risk with this is that it is two separate surgeries which is always more risky than dealing with just one site. It is quite tedious to keep one area of the mouth sterile during this type of oral surgery.... it is twice as tedious to keep additional sites sterile. It is imperative that both sites be sterile throughout the surgeries.
In case you have not been informed of this.... when the bone is taken from the other side of the mouth it means you are creating a void in that area of bone to replenish lost bone in another area. The bone will not grow back completely at the donor site. Also it is more difficult to place your own bone in the extraction socket as opposed to bone that is already ground up into very small pieces. So both surgical sites may need to be made larger to perform the procedure.

Regarding the timing of this surgery.... If at all possible, I would recommend that you post pone the surgery until after "the anniversary" because you not only will not be able to blow your nose... but you cannot risk all that pressure and inflammation in your face and sinuses from crying. It is also imperative to go into this surgery feeling both physically and emotionally well as your immune system will be dealing with a lot and burdening it with physical and emotional stress is truly not in your best interest.

Is it possible to postpone it for a week?

I would suggest that you discuss synthetic bone graft material options with your surgeon as that may be a viable option for you if you are adamant about not using cadaver bone It would certainly be less traumatic overall compared to having a second surgery to graft your own bone.

I'm also very sorry for your loss. I hope you find some peace and contentment in the good memories that you had with your mom and hold tight to those as you near the anniversary of her passing.

Bryanna