I'm working on it guy's. I really appreciate all the support. I just had a bad night. I know I'll have more. I'm feeling pretty down today too, but I'm hanging in there. I have this whole week off before I start work next week, so at least it's happening now. I know it's not really my fault I just have times where I feel like it.

My fiancé told his mother and older daughter last night, so I think it had just brought it all to the surface again. He's was very good in telling me it wasn't my fault in any way. Even if the medication DID have something to do with it, we weren't planning on a baby and said I needed to be on the medication. And that it wasn't my fault in any way. I just sometimes I'm just trying to find some reason why I lost my baby.

I suppose that's normal. But I am trying not to blame myself completely. My heart still aches, I wanted to be able to hold my baby. That's what I think makes me feel so empty. I also realized that when I had my daughter and a miscarriage quite a few years before I had suffered deep bouts of depression. My doctor thinks I am prone to PPD (postpartum depression), fun right?

So I'm trying to find a counselor to help me through this time. I just want to turn back the clock and somehow still be pregnant, and get to have my baby. Since that isn't possible I have to try and find a way to move on. It's hard though sometimes my grief feels like this, I don't know, other being that just takes over my brain, and I have a hard time breaking free.....

I'll get there, I know, it's just going to take a long time.

Thank you all, it does help to get what I'm feeling out, and not just hold it inside