Hey all, I am still kicking. The last week has been very eventful. In short: on Friday a friend at work (I work in a hospital) told me he wanted to commit suicide and told me not to tell anyone. I was very overwhelmed as I am the one who is usually in panic. After an hour I found a Social Worker, told her I cannot give a name but if she has a card I will give it to him. She did, but I got the opinion she wasn't all there, believing me, or overall friendly or even on the smarts... I felt I was wasting time. I gave him the card, he backed down saying it was all in jest... "ha ha ha"... I told him since I have tried probably 3 times that I wasn't the one to jest with. I also told him how much it hurts if you fail. So, I do help others.

Today my best friend of 30 years told me (after 3 weeks of not answering my emails) he has too many problems and I am toxic. He got hit by the IRS for 150,000$, has 2 kids in private HS and lives in a private expensive community. He thinks it is best we aren't friends.

So, I am all alone now, and you know, all I want is a hug.

I have Chloe my service dog, but since on the outside I seem so together, no one believes me, or they just have their problems.

Everyone in my life (except my father) has given up on me. Most just say "Sorry, bud"

I'm just venting and cannot express everything here, but I feel like my life the Truman Show. I feel people are demons at times. Do I see demons (NO), but how can I explain everything. I can walk on a sidewalk and from 50 feet I can watch someone walking into me like a magnet (I am 6 feet tall, 265 pounds), I wave my hands so they see me, they look at me like I am insane. Those who don't see me, walk into me, bounce off me, fall to the ground or take an elbow, and get mad at me. Usually I have tried to avoid them and I am up against a wall.

And yes, I have been to many medical professionals, everyone also gave up on me or they just say 'sorry'. Hurricane Sandy took 3 doctored from me.

If anyone knows anyone, by name, who in NYC can help me, please tell me, I have health insurance (AETNA) and I am a disabled military veteran with an untreated TBI.

I need help: is there anyone who has an idea? I need the idea to be very clear.

Love you all.