I'm so sorry, Songbird! I haven't had a miscarriage, but I've heard that it's so, so hard It is NOT your fault, though. I think finding a counselor is a good idea, especially now that you know you have a physical tendency towards PPD.

My middle child was born with handicaps (he doesn't have legs) and sometimes I wonder if it was my fault - I get so sick during my pregnancies, and someone told me that eating salty food helps with nausea, so I munched on a lot of chips at first in a desperate attempt to not be so nauseated. But even though bad food may have contributed, what's important is the heart - and there's nothing that I did intentionally to harm my child in any way. And there's nothing that YOU did intentionally to harm your baby in any way, so it's definitely not your fault in the real and important sense of the word.

I think you just have to work through the grief - you'll get out on the other side one day. And you should grieve, just like I grieved for my child's handicaps. I'm sorry to hear (from the other thread) that your older brother just didn't get it and that what he said was painful to you. I think men can just never quite understand in the same way that a woman can, but I think he meant well. Maybe explain some day when you have the energy that it hurt to have him minimize your pain. It sounds like you have a good support system overall, though - I'm very glad to hear that.

As far as the prayer part you mentioned - I'm not religious, but I'm a Christian - I agree with Bram that the bargaining type of prayer (although totally understandable!) is soul-destroying. God doesn't promise us freedom from difficult times; he does, however, promise us that he's with us in the difficult times. I'd recommend to keep praying (if that's something that you regularly do) and just let loose and let him see the real you, anger and all. I've yelled at God plenty of times! He knows anyway, so why not just let loose?

Anyway, I hope today is a little better, and I'm so, so sorry to hear of the miscarriage. I haven't been around for a few weeks, and I was so sorry to see this thread. I send a nice gentle virtual hug to you, along with the others here